Lie to me
by EmmaCorneliaHart
Summary: 'Dear Diary, today I became Sirius Black's girlfriend. Somehow.' When Sirius Black's reputation is in jeopardy, he decides to prove them all wrong by being in a 'stable' relationship with none other than social outcast Alexandra Chilcott. 'SB/OC'
1. Chapter 1

This first chapter is wirtten as a diary entry, the rest won't be. I know it's a bit messy, but really, who thinks/writes coherently when writing a diary? Reviews are very much appreciated.

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><p><strong>Chapter 1<strong>

Dear Diary,

Today, I became Sirius Black's girlfriend. Yes, I know what you're thinking (even though you're an inanimate object and can't have thoughts): what do you mean, you're Sirius Black's girlfriend? Haven't you spoken about four words to him in the six years you've known him?

That's what I thought. What on earth could he want to do with me? But here's how it went down.

I was sitting in the Common Room, trying to make sense out of my Rune homework. A couple of yards further, Sirius Black was being scolded by his (now ex) girlfriend. She was telling him how he couldn't be without her/ he needed her/she needed him/ she would die without him/ didn't they share a bond? /he had serious relationship issues/ he needed to start and get a bond with someone… And then, she dropped the bomb that made me his girlfriend.

This girlfriend – Lizzie Chaste, by the way, a perky Huffelpuf who should not have been in our Common Room to begin with – told Sirius Black he was gay.

As you might imagine, that did not go down well.

Sirius: 'I beg your pardon?'

Lizzie: 'Gay. As in, you love men. And I think I know _who _you love…' She now looked at James, who visibly blanched, the poor boy. 'It's no wonder he can't score with Evans, is it, when you try your hardest to keep them separated?'

Sirius's mouth opened and closed, making him look a lot like a goldfish. 'I – that is – that is ridiculous,' he finally said. 'I don't feel anything like that for James.'

She laughed. 'No? Then why have you never been in a real relationship before? All the girls you've snogged and slept with – were they more than a mask, something to hide your _true _feelings with?'

Even though I never really bothered with what the Marauders were up to, I felt sorry for him; he looked as if someone had slapped him in his face.

'That is – I won't even – Merlin knows how you got this idea -'

'You won't even dignify that question with an answer? Well, girls, then we know for sure it's true.' She looked around the room triumphantly. I don't think any of the other girls felt as happy as she did, though; most of them looked positively shell-shocked that Sirius could be gay.

You see, I'm not sure if I've ever told you about Sirius Black, but the thing is, he is quite handsome.

Okay, scratch that. 'Quite handsome' describes Sirius about as much as 'reasonably intelligent' suits Dumbledore, or 'Not the cuddliest pet' would be an apt description for a Blast-Ended Screwt. Sirius is pretty much the best looking man in my known universe; and yes, I know this universe is small, but I think the rest of the female population of Hogwarts agrees with me on this.

There's a reason he never has any trouble getting a girl, even when his bad treatment and fast boredom are legendary.

'I so can have a girlfriend – one I – one I have a deep, intimate bond with,' Sirius said haughtily.

Lizzie rolled her eyes, but I think she knew this was coming all along. Her plan was probably that he would tell her that _she _would be the girlfriend he'd be devoted to. That way, she could turn this break-up into the start of their real relationship, or something.

Unfortunately for her (and me. I think?), it didn't work that way.

'Sure, if you want to believe that… Prove it.'

He threw her a dirty look, but then a smile spread across his face. It was only after a couple of seconds that I noticed he was looking at something – someone. Yes, as you might have expected, that someone was me. That someone was also wondering what would happen if she got up now and left – fast.

Pushing past Lizzie, not noticing the strange looks everyone was sending him, Sirius moved over to the chair I was sitting in and went to sit on the arm rest. 'Hey Chilcott. Want to be my girlfriend?' he asked, his voice as sweet as honey.

I felt everybody's eyes on me, something I'm not very comfortable with, as you know. I wondered what the best course of action would be. Just go back to my Runes, pretend he had not seen me, and wait for him to find someone else? Maybe he wouldn't do that and I'd just cause a stir.

Then again, if I answered, I'd cause a stir anyway, regardless of _what _I'd answer.

It never occurred to me that I might say 'yes'. The very thought was just too alien; saying yes to Sirius Black? Er, why? It's not like we have anything in common, or like he was even remotely serious (although he sounded very sincere – I wonder how he does that? Note: Ask him when I see him).

Then again, saying 'no' did not seem logical, either. He _is _Sirius Black, after all, and I am a teenage girl.

'Your girlfriend?' I finally said.

'Yeah.'

'Why?'

Yes, I asked him 'why'. A handsome boy asks me to be his girlfriend, and I have to know the reason. I am not proud of that, but anyway…

He put his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it softly. 'Because I'd like to be with you, of course,' he said. 'C'mon, these people staring are starting to bother me. Why don't you come upstairs, and we can discuss it in private?'

I heard James mutter, 'Wow, he works fast.'

'You know, Black, intimidating a girl into sleeping with you does not count as a relationship,' Lizzie remarked.

I felt all the blood rush to my head. _He had not meant that we would have sex, had he?_ I wondered, looking from Lizzie to Sirius. _What if he did? No. He said he wanted to talk_.

Naïve as it sounds, he really did just want to talk. Don't worry, I haven't had sex with him.

Sirius raised an eyebrow. 'Funny you should say it. Would you feel intimidated if I asked _you_? Really, Chaste, I think it's best if you just stay out of my personal affairs. This is something for grown-ups, not whiny little teenage girls. Anyway, Chilcott, are you coming?'

'Do you even know her first name?' Lizzie asked. Her voice starting rising again and I briefly wondered if she was going to shout at me as well. I hoped not.

Rolling his eyes, Sirius got up from the chair, waiting for me to do the same, but I was immobile, wondering if he knew my first name.

'Well?' Lizzie asked, when a couple of seconds had elapsed.

'Of course I do,' snapped Sirius. 'Now sod off.'

'Articulate,' Remus muttered. I threw him a swift glance and saw there was the hint of a smile around his lips.

'I don't need words to convey what I think. Now, are you coming or not?' Sirius looked down on me.

Pros of going:

In his dormitory, people would not be able to stare at me

If he talked, maybe he would explain what was going on

I was curious as to what the dormitory looked like

Cons of going:

People did more than just talk when there was a bed involved… (Yes, I thought of this. I wasn't sure if it was a con, though…)

Even if we did just, talk, what would people say if I went upstairs?

I was really quite comfortable in my chair.

In the end, I decided I'd better just go with him, seeing as he is Sirius Black and would probably not rest before he had his way. I closed my books and took them with me as I followed him up the stairs. As soon as we had left, I heard the room behind us fill with excited voices. Oh, boy.

The dormitory was a bit of a disappointment. I had kind of hoped it would be so different from ours I'd hardly recognize it was a Hogwarts dormitory, but it were the same beds, the door to the bathroom was almost at the same place, I saw the same red towels lying around. It was a bit messier, though, and of course we never have Sirius Black sprawled on a bed in our dormitory.

'So, Chilcott -' he started, but I broke him off.

'I have a first name, you know.' I thought it was quite good of me, you know – stand up for myself and stuff.

He sighed. 'Yeah, but I call everyone by their surnames. Anyway, you're… Alexis, right?' he asked.

I looked at him in astonishment. I mean, I know I have never been very noticeable, but we had been in the same class for six years. Surely he must've heard my name at some point? And then, what, he just forgot it?

It was at this moment that I decided I really had to do something about my social status.

'Alexandra,' I said.

'That's great. I'll call you Lexi,' he said. 'So, you're my girlfriend now? That's great, too, we'll have lots of fun together. Or something.'

I was starting to feel a bit miffed. That was it? This boy – who only now knew my name – just said "oh, yeah, you're my girlfriend now, _or something_," and expected I was fine with it?

'I doubt it,' I said.

He looked up. 'Sorry?'

'I can't imagine us having fun together. You hardly know my name and you expect me to… be your "girlfriend"?' I made air quotation marks with my fingers. 'If this is how you treat all your girlfriends, I can imagine why no one ever bothered with a long relationship.'

His jaw dropped. Scrambling to sit up, he said, 'Then what do you want me to say?'

'Oh, I don't know, maybe explain what is going on?' I asked. 'And, oh, just maybe tell me why I'd want to be your girlfriend? So far, you haven't really given me much reason to like you.'

'Yes, I have – my stunning good looks, for instance, and my - Sorry,' he said. 'No, okay, you have a point.'

The door to the dormitory burst open and the rest of the Marauders entered, Potter being supported by Lupin; it seemed like he had collapsed of laughter. Lupin mostly looked worried and Pettigrew was… well, Pettigrew. I don't think Black or Potter could do anything he wouldn't think was amazing.

'That was _hilarious_,' James said, letting him fall on one of the beds. 'Ah, Pads, you really made my day. You in a relationship? A _real_ relationship, I mean,' when Sirius opened his mouth. 'Just shagging does not count.'

'Well, I don't think you're going to see him in a _real _relationship anytime soon,' I said. 'At least not with me.'

Potter's grinned widened as he looked at Sirius. 'Oooh, Pads, rejected! This just keeps getting better.'

I rolled my eyes and turned around, meaning to just get out of there. However, before I'd taken more than one step, I felt a hand close around my upper arm. I looked over my shoulder to see Sirius, who dropped his hand when he'd got my attention.

'No, really, Lexi,' he said. 'Don't go. I mean, yeah, it might seem like I don't care about you - '

'You don't.'

'No, that… that's true, I don't… yet! But I think I might, I mean, you're obviously a very nice girl, smart, very pretty…' He let his voice trail off suggestively. I don't think I'd ever been that shocked in my life. Sirius Black, telling me these things? Why?

Why?

'He is unbelievable,' Lupin muttered, sitting besides Potter.

I folded my arms. 'R-right,' I said, wondering if my head was as red as it felt. 'Er, that – that is very… nice of you to say, but really, I don't see why… Why.'

'No, I know. It's just that I really want to prove Chaste wrong, and… you seemed to be the most sensible girl in the room.' He grinned and I felt my heart soften. I think that's why he did it; not forgiving a face so handsome was quite hard.

Shallowness, thy name is Alexandra.

'Besides,' he continued, before I could argue, 'let's face it, you're not really popular. I never see you doing anything outside of classes. I think it would be very good for you to hang out with us – you'd learn all kind of things about… life.'

'I'm sorry?' I asked. 'So what you're saying, basically, is that because I'm pathetic and friendless I'd - '

'No, no, no, not at all,' said Sirius. 'It's just that I think you're wasting your life and your last year should be worth remembering. And no, reading all those books does not really count.'

I wasn't sure if he was manipulating me, or if he was being sincere. Maybe both? (Note: Ask him.) 'You, Sirius Black, are a bad person,' I finally said, uncertain about whether I was going to take him up on his offer.

He shrugged. 'Video meliora proboque, deteriora sequor,' he simply said.

Now, diary, you know what a nerd I am. And really, how can I not melt for a handsome boy who speaks Latin? And quotes Ovid, for that matter? Wasn't that exactly what I'd always sought in a man; intelligence?

'You know _Ovid_?' I asked in disbelief.

He shrugged. 'I have many hidden depths, love,' he simply said. 'Care to figure them out, while joining the Marauders and showing a spiteful Lizzie Chaste that we can totally be a wonderful, romantic couple?'

Needless to say, I accepted. So that is how I became Sirius Black's girlfriend, God help me. I really wonder what tomorrow is going to bring. Maybe he's forgotten all about it. Maybe he'll just _pretends _he's forgotten.

Maybe, he'll pretend to be my boyfriend.

Confusing thoughts. I'm off to bed.

'Night.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Sorry for the long wait, my computer was completely freaking out! Thank you for your reviews :)**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2<strong>

Walking down the stone staircase, Alexandra wondered what today was going to bring. Agravain Mulciber proposing to her, or maybe McGonagall who decided it was time she revealed her secret, lesbian crush? Compared to Sirius Black making her his fake girlfriend, it did not even seem too strange, and that worried her.

The Common Room was nearly deserted, most students being in the Great Hall for breakfast. There was, however, a group of boys who were lounging on the couch. As Alexandra entered the Common Room, the boys burst out in laughter because of something Lupin had said.

'Oh, Sirius, there's your girl,' Peter said, when he had spotted Alexandra. 'Hey!'

She had the attention of them all now. Sirius got up from the couch, walked over to her and put an arm around her shoulders. 'Good morning, Lexi. How are you today?'

'I'm fine,' she said, trying not to blush. There she was, with Sirius Black treating her like –

Oh, right. She still had to ask him something.

'Sirius?' she asked, wondering if this was the moment to step away from him or not. She decided not to; it was a rather pleasant experience, being so close to him, even if it was all a scam. 'I was wondering, if I'm your fake girlfriend… what do fake girlfriends _do_?' It had been on her mind all night. Would she have to spend time with him when other people would not see? Would she want to?

'Fake girlfriend?' he asked. 'Love, I don't _do _fake girlfriends. I do shags and long-term relationships, and you're in one of the latter.'

'More like in the _only _latter, it's not as if you've had any others,' Lupin – Remus now? Alexandra wondered – remarked.

Sirius shrugged. 'Fair enough, I guess…'

'Now I still don't know what to do, though,' said Alexandra. She briefly wondered if asking this meant she was socially retarded, and then dismissed the thought. If anything was retarded, it was this situation.

Sirius started to lead her out of the Common Room. 'Oh, just the usual stuff. Laugh at my jokes, tell me what an arse I am every few hours, sit with me during dinner while wondering why I put up with this bunch of idiots otherwise known as my friends…'

'More like why we bother with you,' said James, shaking his head.

'But that's an easy question!' argued Sirius. When James raised his eyebrows questioningly, he explained, 'Your existence would be an endless session of hopelessness and despair, until you could no longer handle the Sirius-shaped hole of awesomeness in your lives and just decided to end it.' Alexandra almost expected him to add 'Doh'.

'Well, at least I don't have to worry about my boyfriend getting a minority complex,' she said, feeling bold because of the strangely enervating mass of maleness in such proximity.

Remus and James laughed; Pettigrew looked a bit uncertain, as if uncertain whom to side with, and Sirius looked baffled.

'I don't get it. Only five minutes with them and already you've started insulting me,' he said. 'Whatever happened to the honeymoon period?'

'Guess that's less fun than laughing at you, mate,' said James.

As he said it, they entered the Great Hall, where Alexandra felt a lot less certain about Sirius's casual arm around her shoulders. Knowing all eyes would be focused on her, she felt the blood rise to her face. She caught the eye of Livia Augures, who looked about ready to kill her. Quickly, Alex looked down, so as not to trip over something and embarrass herself.

Around her, people started whispering, their tones varying from shocked to curious, from disgusted to hurt.

'How long will she last, you think?'

'If he had to prove Chaste wrong, couldn't he have picked me?'

'I always thought she had some enigmatic charm… Never thought Black'd choose it, though.'

'Think I'd get in _very _deep trouble if I cursed her ears off?'

Alex choked at that last one, wondering if the person who'd uttered it (a tall, chubby Ravenclaw) meant it.

She looked like it.

'So far, so good, eh?' said Sirius when they had reached the Gryffindor table. As soon as he had sat down, he grabbed for the nearest pile of bacon, piling an unbelievable amount on his plate. 'Not even any death threats… I'm almost disappointed.'

Alexandra was about to argue when she realised he was right. And who needed ears anyway, right?

'Don't worry,' Remus said with a little smile. 'Usually, when a girl is his new girlfriend, the worst she gets is someone telling her she's fat. Really,' he added, when Alexandra did not look convinced. 'Besides, there are far scarier things in this world than Padfoot's strange fangirls, as you're about to witness.' He chuckled and Alex started worrying. She had seen Sirius's fan girls and she was less frightened of Death Eaters than of Livia Augures on a mission – the girl _had _said the reason she loved Potions was that you never knew when you needed an untraceable poison for someone… inconvenient. (This was back in their third year, when she fancied James Potter. In the pause, she shot Lily Evans a dangerous look. But seeing as Lily still lived, it might not have been serious…)

'Worse than his fan girls?' she said.

James nodded. 'I suggest you don't look at him when he's eating.'

Of course this was her cue to look to her right, where Sirius was devouring an entire pig worth of bacon, at least half a loaf of bread in the form of toast and one (admittedly untouched) apple. Alexandra was not sure if she was repulsed or fascinated by the speed; she did wonder how he stayed so fit if he ate that much. Loads of exercise?

As she ate, she listened to the Marauder's conversation without really contributing to it. She might have put question marks at Sirius's meal, she and food were not strangers, either, and she usually consumed an amount of food that even would have made James sick.

While observing the boys, she started to distinguish their respective personalities. Sirius was really happy with himself, but not afraid of self-deprecating. James was a lot like his best friend, a bit more serious; maybe because he had been appointed Head Boy? Alexandra smiled when she caught him throwing a hopeful, love struck glimpse at Lily Evans. Even she had noticed his worship of Lily and, having heard several conversations between Lily, Emma and Alice, she thought James stood a chance this year.

Peter was the quiet one, though he laughed hardest at James and Sirius's jokes. Most of his own jokes were centred on cheese, which he either loved or detested – his opinion on this seemed to change as the pun demanded.

Remus was quite talkative, against her expectations. She had half-expected him to be a bit like her; socially awkward and silent, the way he appeared in class. But he was as charming as Sirius and James, though he was less certain of himself, happier when people laughed at something he had said.

When the bell rang and they got up to go to their classes, Sirius asked her what class she had, one hand laying on her back, something she was ultra-aware of. Chastising her hormones, telling them she did not fancy Sirius Black and he definitely did not fancy her, she momentarily forgot she had to answer his question. Just half a second too late, she said, 'What? Oh, er, Arithmancy.'

Sirius frowned for a moment, but then he shrugged. He seemed to do that a lot. 'That's great, Prong's explain the Responsibilities, then.' The way he pronounced it told her it was Responsibilities, with a capital R. Why would Sirius Black care about responsibilities? She had always thought his main goal in life was _avoiding _them (and hooking up with girls).

She was unable to elaborate on this as he suddenly gave her a peck on her cheek. 'I'll see you at lunch. Bye, Lexi.'

He left and Alexandra, following James, was too caught up in her own mind to pay any attention to the world around her.

Yes, okay, she knew that he did not mean it – all his talk about her being a 'real' girlfriend did not have her convinced he fancied her. And she also knew he probably did it to many girls, just as something purely amicable. But still. It had been the closest to a snog she had ever had, not even getting kisses from her mother, and she could not help but feel very excited.

It was because of these thoughts that she did not realize James was talking to her.

'… our reputation, as I am sure you will understand. And I'm fine-ish with you becoming a Maraudette, if Sirius thinks it'll help for his… troubles, issues, whatever, but we just have certain standards. You see, we are a group of four exceptionally awesome and good-looking young men and being part of that is so much more than participating in a prank.' He looked sideways at her.

'So, basically, I have to… become an awesome and good-looking young man?' she asked, when she realized James was expecting an answer from her.

He laughed. 'Merlin, no. But an awesome-ish and good-looking-ish young woman should be possible, right? Now, you mustn't take this as an offence, but at the moment, you're neither very awesome, nor very good-looking.'

Ouch. Despite what he had said, she did take it as an offence – how could she not? She bit her tongue to stop herself from making a snappy remark.

'Which is something that can be helped, of course,' James continued, not noticing he had upset her. 'The awesomeness is something that should come naturally when spending time with us – I mean, we even managed to make Peter cool, and you've more potential than he does, I think.' He looked her up and down. 'Anyway, a couple of important things about being a Marauder, are… Well, the swagger, for one.'

By then, they had reached the classroom and class was about to start. Biting his lip, James looked around, until finally, he sighed.

'You know what? I'll write it down for you.'

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><p><strong>Next chapter: The Marauder's Handbook, by James Potter<strong>


	3. The Marauder's Handbook

**A/N: Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. Additional items may be added, but being a goody-two-shoes myself, I've some difficulty imagining a handbook for a group of badass teenage boys... Anyway, enjoy!**

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><p><em><strong>The Marauder's Handbook<strong>_

_**By James Potter**_

When you want to be a Marauder, there are several important things you have to keep in mind _at all times_. Belonging to this exclusive club is a privilege and will be taken from you, should you turn out to be unable to handle the coolness.

**1**.** The Swagger**

When walking around Hogwarts, it is important that you know what and who you are. When you are a Marauder, this means you are the king (or queen) of the school and you must make sure that everyone sees this. Ways of showing this are, for example, the cocky grin, the walk in slow-motion (though I advice you practice this in private before you show it to everyone; it takes a lot of skill to master it) and having carefully careless hair. When you speak, every syllable has to emit your coolness: You never hesitate, nor do you stutter. It is essential that you look as if everything is not important enough.

**2. Rules**

Rules are made to be broken. That is the _only_ rule that can never be broken, thereby proving the point. Marauders simply don't _do _law-abiding. If there is mischief to be made, it only gets better as soon as more rules are broken. (Exceptions are made when Moony is around, of course.) When the school invents a new rule, such as 'Students are not allowed to set their hair on fire', you must disobey as soon as you have found a (more or less) safe way to do so.

When in presence of a teacher, deny, except when it's Flitwick. Tell him how it's done, he'll appreciate sharing the knowledge and will only deduct a couple of point for Gryffindor.

When being caught by McGonagall, make sure you run as far and fast as you can. Emigrate when necessary. Don't let her catch you. Ask Sirius for details.

**3. Girls**

Or 'boys' now, I suppose. Some of you (i.e. you) might already have a boyfriend, such as Sirius, but you should never show weakness in front of the other sex. You are the prize, they want you, and when you ask someone out, you must make sure they know _they're _the lucky ones. (Note: This does not always work. Lily Evans will not fall for this. If you flirt with Lily Evans, you will no longer be a Marauder, she's taken.)

Also, Marauders don't date ugly girls (or boys).

**4. Alcohol**

Is, in fact, the answer to everything, together with chocolate. When faced with an alcoholic beverage and/or cherry chocolate liqueur, you will always except and you will always drink the rest under the table. When drunk, it is permitted to behave as stupidly as you like, fellow Marauders will make excuses for you the next day, even when some of the actions have traumatized some of the Marauders for the rest of their lives (such actions include, but are not limited to: trying to flirt with a fellow Marauder, vomiting in another Marauder's bed, admitting you've had sex fantasies about a Marauder's mum, etc).

When someone is asking you why 'Marauder X' is behaving in such a strange way and he is _not _supposed to be drunk, tell them it's his way of enhancing his spiritual abilities by worshipping the almighty god Dionysius. When they look at you strangely, shake your head and mutter something about people not reading enough literature.

Note: Once again, McGonagall is an exception. When she catches you drunk, tell her he had thought the wine was pumpkin juice. When further questioned, deny.

**5. Vocabulary**

Marauders are not only the prank elite – we're every elite, and we show this in our use of the English language (although using foreign words is very much encouraged). We will never use strange Americanisms like 'gotten', nor will we use adjectives when it is obvious one should use an adverb. Correcting others is only allowed when done subtly. When faced with someone who is despicable and dumb (i.e. Crabbe & Goyle, for instance, or Filch), use difficult words. Say things like 'Priapic' and 'Idiosyncratic'. They won't know what it means and might be too baffled by the stream of new challenges that they'll forget they were about to give you detention.

**6. Looks**

Looks aren't the most important feature of our group. Of course we know we're gorgeous (well, Sirius and I are, anyway), but it's as much a part of the attitude you have (see: _Swagger_). We will, however, ensure we always look our best.

No idea how girls do it, though.

**7. Classes**

Paying attention in classes is only permitted when you're a nerd (i.e. Remus) or really need it (Peter). When possible, use classes to plan a new prank or flirt with someone, something like that. Pretend to take notes. (In Herbology, really take them, because Remus won't let you copy them anymore.) When asked a question, you will answer correctly. When being assigned a partner, always try and pair up with another Marauder, unless the other Marauder has tactical plans as to why he wants to cooperate with someone else.

**8. Respect**

You will not laugh at Head Boys. Never. They are the cat's pyjama's and very cool.

**9. Snivellus**

You don't bully him when Lily Evans is present. You are never nice to him. Avoid starting the fight, but never hesitate to retaliate when deemed necessary. Make remarks about his hair/nose/creepiness; often suggest he take a bath.

**10. Muggle-borns**

Are actually some of the coolest people alive. We like them, except when they are very annoying (such as that fourth-year that seems to fancy Remus. She's _very _annoying). Also, we don't do pure blood supremacy: we are only the leaders of this school because of our awesomeness, not because of who our parents were. (Though my parents rock.) Also, we are very open towards several 'Dark' creatures, such as werewolves, who can be truly wonderful people.

**11. Secrets**

When told a secret by another Marauder, you will keep it, no matter what the consequences. We do not violate other's trust. It does not matter what kind of secret it is.

**12. Quidditch**

Marauders love it.

**13. Wandering around school at night**

This is in fact something we do very frequently and essential for being a Marauder. When trusted enough, you will be told how we do this without being caught, though this level of trust might take a long time to reach. Until then, you might be asked to aid us in sneaking away a couple of times, or help us in other matters concerning our prank for that night.

This roaming is essential to truly understand the castle, for every Marauder _will _know every secret passageway/hole Hogwarts has to offer. You will be informed of these later.

**14. Drugs**

Don't give them to Sirius.

**15. Coffee**

Don't give it to Sirius.

**16. Bunnies**

Don't show them to Sirius.

**17. NEVER MENTION the following:**

1. Sirius's issues at 'home' (old home now, since he lives with me)

2. Possible relationship-trouble between Lily and me, we are very happy, she just doesn't know it yet

3. Remus's love for chocolate. We've tried; there is no way he is going to eat less than three bars a day, no point in arguing (or making him share).

4. Peter's chubbiness. He is not fat, he is curvaceous.

5. Girls' period problems. We don't want to know.

6. The time we walked in on Dumbledore singing a song about 'washing machines'.

7. Pink underwear. Real men wear pink, okay?

I hope this has been instructive and I congratulate you on becoming the first Maraudette.

Sincerely,

James Charlus Potter.


	4. Chapter 3

She had been staring at the same page for a couple of minutes, but Alexandra did not register a word of it. Lying on her bed, she was too preoccupied with the events of her own life to be interested in someone else's. For once, truth was stranger than fiction, and though today had unsettled her, she felt an unfamiliar tug in her stomach. A desire Sirius Black had recognized the moment he looked at the strange girl in his dormitory. A longing for friendship, fun, social acceptance, but more of all: adventure. And even though today had not been adventurous as such, it had been filled with new experiences, to say the very least.

It had really kicked off during lunch. During breakfast, most girls had still been too shocked by the news to actively hate her. By lunch, they had got over that feeling, and it was replaced by something varying between hatred and loathing.

'I really don't get why they all react so strongly,' she said nervously, when a second-year walked past her with a murderous look on her face.

Sirius shrugged. 'I don't know, I guess I'm just too awesome.'

She rolled her eyes at this; his conceit was something she had got used to remarkably fast. It was rather impossible not to, since every other sentence was a compliment to himself. Now, she found herself following Remus's advice: Just roll your eyes, or nod, and whatever you do, do not reply to it. So far, it seemed to work.

She was still thinking of lunch and the careless way he had hold her hand when they left the Great Hall, when she was walking towards her Transfiguration class. She hardly paid any attention to her surroundings; she just about knew when she had to skip a step of the stairs because it was not really there, and knew a secret passageway or two. She was not like the Marauders, who were always looking around for new secrets to unravel, nor was she like her classmates, who loved looking at other people. It was because of this that it took her a while before she noticed people were attending her and not all of them in a nice way.

'Oi! Chilcott! How much Love Potion did you have to give him before he gave into it?' Elaine Lagerloff called. She was a small Seventh-year Ravenclaw with light brown hair and blue eyes. She was also a hard-core member of what Lily Evans referred to as the 'Sirius Black fan club'. Her pretty face wore a bored expression as she took in Alexandra.

Alexandra stopped dead in her tracks. 'I'm sorry?' she asked. Remembering what Sirius had said at breakfast, she lowered her hand to her wand, wondering if Elaine was to be the first person who tried to hex her.

Elaine rolled her eyes at her friends, who both giggled. It worked on Alexandra's nerves; she felt the sudden urge to ask them whether they had a brain of their own and, if not, why they wanted to use Elaine's empty one. The only thing that kept her back was years of being a silent wallflower and the hope she had simply misunderstood Elaine.

'I think you heard me,' Elaine said. Her hand, too, hovered close to her robes' pocket. 'It's about Black – Sirius, I mean,' she added, as if Alexandra could not think of that herself. 'What _did _you do to the poor boy to make him pick you?'

'I didn't do anything,' Alexandra said as coldly as she could. She glanced around – how come McGonagall was always early except when Alexandra needed her to? 'Leave me alone, please.'

'"Leave me alone, please,"' Elaine parroted. 'Merlin, of course I'm not going to leave you alone. You've to break up with him. He's mine, you see.'

Alexandra cast her eyes heavenwards. She hoped Elaine saw. 'Well, actually,' she said, 'he's not. Last time I checked, he was my boyfriend and perfectly fine with it. And so am I, as a matter of fact, so I guess you must be mistaken.' She smiled at the Ravenclaw girl, surprised at herself. No, it was not exactly a witty comeback, but only a day ago she just would have shrugged and let it go.

Well, she was a Maraudette, now. What was it the handbook had said, again? Emit awesomeness? Something like that?

Elaine's mouth became a straight line. As she did the kind of hair sweep Alexandra had only seen on the telly, she pulled her wand, though she did not look very menacing. This did not stop Alexandra from taking a precautious step backwards.

'My my, only a couple of hours in Black's attention – which happens to be very short, unfortunately – and already you know you're quite something. Sorry to tell you, honey, but you're not. He probably just picked you as some kind of joke.'

This stung, mostly because it was something Alexandra had considered as well. But she was not going to let Lagerloff know that - she would rather bite of her tongue.

Her fingers tightened around her wand as she wondered if this was how people got in duels. Just one remark, something that escalated until you were in deep trouble... Was she going to get into a fight? No…

Was she?

She might have, were it not for McGonagall arriving at that very moment, followed by James and Lily Evans, the latter of whom was holding a piece of parchment they were both looking at. McGonagall was either oblivious to the tensed atmosphere, or she chose to ignore it as long as nothing serious had happened. In her usual, brisk manner, she walked to the door; a quick tap on the lock with her wand opened the classroom, and the students took their place.

After receiving a meaningful look – dare she call it an 'I'll be back'-look? – Alexandra went to sit in her usual spot at the back of the classroom, and got out her books. As McGonagall started the class, she wondered if this was just a one-off or if there was more to worry about that Remus had said.

It turned out Remus had been mostly right. Elaine was the only one who had spoken to her about it; the rest of the students was either fine with it, or restricted themselves to muttering something as she walked by.

There was, however, one girl who did not just let her be, outside of Elaine. It was Lily Evans, who cornered her after History of Magic. 'Alexandra? Mind if I talk to you for a minute?' she asked, a small smile around her lips.

'Yes, of course,' Alexandra said, confused. She followed Lily to the corridor, where the redhead put down her bag and leaned against the wall, her arms crossed in front of her chest. 'I, er, heard you're Sirius's girlfriend now,' she said.

Alexandra nodded, wondering where this was all going. Lily did not strike her as a Sirius fan girl – in fact, she knew Lily was not, unless she had been lying while complaining about him all those years. Maybe she was going to ask her to try and control the boys? Because if that were the case, Alexandra would have to disappoint her.

'Okay. Well, that's great for you, really,' said Lily. 'I just… I was wondering if… You haven't had any boyfriends before him, right?'

This was getting more and more confusing. 'Er… no, I haven't.'

'So you've no real experience with boys?'

'No, I don't.'

Lily's smile wavered a bit. She unfolded her arms and let them hang to her sides. 'Well… You're not the first girl Sirius has got off with. I'm sure you know that.' She raised her eyebrows, as if inviting Alexandra to share this little joke with her. 'And I just… He has a habit of… not waiting.'

Not waiting? For what? A bus?

'I – I'm sorry?' asked Alexandra.

'What I mean is, er, you shouldn't… You shouldn't do anything you don't want. Oh, Merlin's pants, I sound like a mother,' Lily groaned. She hid her face in her hands for a couple of seconds, and when she looked up, she sent Alexandra a genuine smile. 'I mean, you should not… feel obliged to do anything, just because he says so, okay? No is no.'

Alexandra felt her cheeks redden. Lily was telling her – well, she was right about something. She did sound a lot like a mother.

Just not Alexandra's.

All the same, it was kind of nice to have someone saying this. Yet Alexandra felt the awkwardness of the situation, and hurried to say, 'Oh, don't worry about that, I know that. No is no and I'll just…'

'Hex him into oblivion if he has the guts to do anything you don't want. Or you can ask me, I never pass up on an opportunity to hex one of the Marauders,' she said. 'Speaking of which, what was it I heard James say about a… Marauder's handbook? Is he serious about sharing their secrets with you?'

Alexandra shrugged. 'I've no idea. But he has made me a handbook… Do you know why Sirius should be kept away from bunnies?'

A little crease appeared between Lily's eyebrows. 'Er… Nope, I've _no _idea. I am curious, though – will you tell me when you find out?'

Alexandra promised she would, and when she saw Lily later that evening, the latter had made two bunny's ears behind Remus's head.

'Oh, you're talking to Evans,' Sirius, who was sitting by the fire, said. 'I'm sure James likes you already, then. Anyone who can put in a word for him is like an angel. Hi, babe.' He pulled her down next to him, seeming entirely at ease with the situation. 'Feel like a Maraudette yet?'

Maraudette. After classes, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter had shown her there was more to being a Marauder than just the handbook. For two hours they had shown her how to walk, talk, smile and smirk like a true Marauder. It had been exhausting.

'Oh, yes, totally. I mean, I've to work on the walk – with my head _up_, like I _rule _the _world_,' she said, imitating James when he, starting to get exasperated, had explained her once again why her walk was wrong. He had a habit of making strange hand gestures when he stressed words; Alexandra thought he would make a wonderful conductor.

Sirius grinned. 'Well, it's true, we do rule the world.'

'I just love your modesty.'

He blinked. 'Here I was, thinking I needed to teach you the most elementary things, and then it turns out you already know sarcasm. And mockery, for that matter. I swear, in less than a day you've already started behaving like Remus.' He shot her a worried look. 'It's the books, isn't it?'

She shrugged. The might have mastered sarcasm and mockery, she had still to perfect her wit. 'Hmmhmm.'

'Ah, good, you're still a bit quiet,' he said. 'Don't worry, I'll have you from a Catullus 5 to a Catullus 16 in no time.' Again, he kissed her cheek. She thought he had talked to her for a while after that, but she hardly paid attention; after about thirty minutes, she went to the dormitory to read, though the only thing she had done was snuggle away comfortably underneath her duvet and revel in her daydreams.

Which, you know, was quite nice, too.

The curtains of her four-poster bed were drawn aside; appearing was Emma Hart, her dorm mate and all-around men's dream: tall, pretty, very well-shaped and funny. Sometimes, when Alexandra caught herself staring at Emma as she was changing, she wondered if she was lesbian. If anything, she would fall in love with Emma as soon as she became a man. There was just something about that girl… That was probably why she was the last real girlfriend Sirius had had, back in their second year.

'Helleu,' Emma said in her posh voice. 'We're going to play.'

Alexandra frowned. 'I beg your pardon?'

Emma smiled, small dimples appearing in her cheeks. 'C'mon, apparently you need to be turned into a Maraudette, James asked me if I wanted to help you. It's going to be like … like I'm going to see what I can do for you and make sure you look gorgeous tomorrow.'

Alexandra shook her head. 'Sorry, not going to happen, I'm fine the way I am.'

'Of course you are, darling,' said Emma, 'But that doesn't mean you can't become better. C'mon, I've got some clothes I don't wear anymore, but I'm sure they'd look lovely on you. Also, I have to do something about that hair of yours – do you _always _wear it in a braid? How is a boy supposed to run his fingers through it if you don't give him the chance?'

She opened and closed her mouth, looking very goldfish-like. 'I… don't know. Is he supposed to do that?'

'When Sirius is your boyfriend? Yes. At least you've long hair…'

Somehow, Emma managed to coerce Alexandra to one of the red chairs in their dormitory. There, she spent at least thirty minutes looking at Alexandra's face, plucking her eyebrows, trying on several shades of foundation and toying with her hair. Alexandra was not sure if she appreciated the intimacy; it was one thing for Sirius to kiss her on her cheek once a while, but someone else touching her face so often?

At last, Emma bit her lip, 'Okay, I think I know your look for tomorrow. There's no need to do your make-up tonight, unless you're planning on going downstairs?' When Alexandra shook her head, she continued, 'Good. I'd wash the foundation off your face and I suggest you set your alarm about thirty minutes earlier than usual. I've got a lot of work to do in the morning.'

And with those words, she left Alexandra to look after herself.

All in all, it had been a very strange day.


	5. Chapter 4

Dear Diary,

I cannot believe I am currently writing while sitting on a toilet seat when I should be at lunch. But then again, I don't really want to be at lunch right now. Or, to be more specific, I don't want to be around Sirius Black and/or James Potter.

Because, you know, we've been 'together' for a week by now, and it was going fine, I think. I got behind a little on all my schoolwork, but it is nothing I cannot catch up on. And I kind of liked the attention – okay, I'll be honest, I liked it a lot – especially since it came from him. I mean, a handsome boy who is keen on greeting me and telling me I look pretty (not kidding, though not sure if he meant it) and just, you know, talking to me and hugging me… It is new and strange and absolutely wonderful.

And I thought, well, that's great. We can stay that way.

Sirius's friends thought differently, so it seems.

We were sitting at lunch, Sirius once again with his arm around me, when all of a sudden James bloody Potter had to ask, 'So, Lexi - ' They are all calling me Lexi now, saying it's my 'Maraudette' name or something, ' – I _am _curious. As someone who is not hopefully in love with Sirius, how well do you think he snogs?'

What do you MEAN? It's not like I KNOW, is it?

Well, Potter?

IS IT?

Apparently, he thought it was, because when I didn't reply, his face became very shocked and he looked from me to Sirius. 'Wait one second,' he said, laughter and amazement fighting for precedence in his voice. 'You are not going to tell me that you've been together for over a _week _and you haven't even snogged her?' Neither of us replied. 'You mean you haven't consumed your relationship?'

'"Consumed their relationship"?' asked Remus, who seemed very amused by it all. Though maybe it was just James's choice of words – Remus (still not sure if I'm allowed to call him Moony?) was that kind of boy, after all. 'James, have you been reading romance novels again?'

'That doesn't matter,' said James, dismissing Remus's question with an impatient gesture. 'This is seriously funny. Why hasn't it happened yet? Doesn't she want to? I can totally imagine that,' he told me. 'It must be awful, having that pile of crap so close to your face.'

'Oh, how funny you are, Prongs,' said Sirius. 'It's not that she doesn't want to, we just haven't… done that yet. But we will,' he was quick to say.

'What?' I must've sounded as flabbergasted as I felt, because his face fell slightly.

'We are… right? I mean, if you're my girlfriend…' he said, 'isn't it more or less… obligatory for us to snog?'

How am I supposed to know? Why do they think I have _any _idea of how a normal relationship goes, let alone one that started before he knew my name? I mean, I know Sirius usually starts by getting naked and then getting to know a girl, so maybe this is confusing for him, too, but…

'I… don't know? I guess?' I said. I was starting to get very uncomfortable from all their gazes, so I said something about the library and returning a book, and then I left. To go, not to the library, but to the lavatory, where I am now, writing in my diary, wondering what I am going to do about this situation.

I mean, it is not that I don't _want _to snog Sirius. In fact, I have had a lovely couple of fantasies where he gave me one of those pecks on the cheek he's so fond of, and then it becomes more and… Well, you know, in my imagination, it is all very nice and stuff. Only problem is, in my imagination, I know what to do.

And in reality, I kind of have no idea what the hell you're supposed to do when snogging.

I've actually looked it up in a couple of old _Witch Weekly_'s that were lying around the library and they all say things like, 'When the time comes, you will know what to do – it comes naturally!' and 'Just make sure you enjoy it. Everyone likes something else, you have to figure out what _you _want from a kiss.' I mean, what kind of advice is that? It is basically telling me, 'No, sorry, you just have to be a natural and know what he (you?) likes, good luck trying.'

And Sirius has loads of experience, so if I'm really crappy, he'll know. And _if _I happen to be really talented at it, he'll probably just be like, 'Ah, this is good, but so was Emma/Kathryn/Nameless girl 15.' No matter how I kiss, I will lose.

I think? Unless snogging Sirius is a prize in its own right?

Merlin, hormones are confusing.

* * *

><p>At that moment, the bell rang, and with a groan Alexandra remembered she had Ancient Runes, with both Remus <em>and <em>James. It might not be as awkward as having class with Sirius would be, but what if James started asking her about it? What if Sirius had said… something… about their snog-life and she did not know that and was going to contradict him?

Well, she decided, then it wasn't her fault.

Maybe she should say she has kissing disease?

No! She was not going to lie!

Then what _was _she going to say when they asked her why they had not snogged yet? If she was not going to lie, what was the truth?

She put her diary in her bad and while she was pondering over this question, she went up the many staircases, already using more secret ways than a week before. If anything, her time with the Marauders had only shown her how much she did not know yet about the castle.

'Lexi!' It was James, of course. He looked happy to see her – too happy. 'Hello darling, we were just thinking about you.'

'I don't doubt it,' she muttered.

'Don't worry, it was nothing but good,' he said. 'So, anyway, we were just saying how fortunate you are never to have snogged with Sirius. We were kind of thinking… You know… When he does try to snog him, will you tell him you can't do it because you're afraid he has Chlamydia?'

She looked at it, not sure if he was serious. 'James, that would be a truly horrible plan, also, he'd think I was retarded.'

'You're willingly going out with him, you are retarded,' grinned Remus.

She could not argue there.

'Of course it's not horrible! It would be funny!' James protested. 'See his face when someone rejects him – oh, I'd pay good money to see that…' He got a faraway look in his eyes.

'And you want me to do that by saying I think he's got Chlamydia? James, have you _ever _had sexual education?' she asked. Her cheeks reddened a bit at the two last words. It really was something she had to get over; if there was anything the Marauders loved more than pranking, it was making sex-jokes.

'Yes!' said James. 'My parents explained everything before I went to Hogwarts.'

'Obviously, they didn't do it right. You can't get Chlamydia from snogging,' she said.

His shoulders slumped. 'You can't? Isn't there anything else he could have, something embarrassing?' he said, looking at Remus. 'Like… I don't know, warts in his mouth or something?'

The rest of the day, Alexandra was haunted by images of Sirius and possible pustules in his mouth (and, after a while, on various other places). When she saw Sirius at the end of fifth period, she had to stop herself from asking him about them.

'Hey love,' he said, putting an arm around her and steering her away from the rest of the Marauders. 'I think we need to talk.'

'Talk? I – I thought we needed to snog,' she said, but the joke came out forced. Oh Merlin, what if he was going to snog her? That would be awful. 'But talking is fine too,' she said. 'Great idea, I mean. Let's talk.'

The corners of his mouth turned up in a smaller version of his infamous grin. 'Well, the talk was kind of supposed to go about snogging. So maybe we could do both.'

Bollocks!

'Well, yeah, maybe. And, you know, maybe… not,' she said. A group of fourth years walked past, eyeing them with curious expressions, but otherwise the hall was deserted. That was good. If she was so awful Sirius would cry out, no one would hear.

The grin disappeared from his face. 'So you don't want to make out with me?'

'I didn't say that!'

He rolled his eyes. 'No, but you were implying it, heavily. I get it if you don't want to, I just – no, I don't get it, actually. What's wrong with snogging? It's fun.' He stopped walking and turned to look at her; he tried to look serious, but she saw he was fighting back a smile. 'Especially when it's with me,' he told her.

Her heart started to beat twice as fast as usual when she realised he was standing really close to her, was laying his hands on her waist, was smelling oh so very good, bringing his head closer to hers…

Shit! She averted her face, so his kiss landed on her cheek. 'I'm sure it's fun,' she said, in a voice so high she hardly recognized it as her own. 'I just, ah… Don't know if…'

'Don't know if what?' he asked, his forehead leaning against hers. His warm breath tickled her face. Aah, niceness. Niceness, niceness. 'Don't you want to?' he whispered in her ear. Alexandra's eyes flew open when he suddenly kissed the tender skin just underneath her ear; an electric current ran through her and she curved her body to Sirius's.

'Er…' she said. 'I… do want to, I just…' More kisses, in her neck this time, leaving a tingling trail on her skin.

'You just… what?' he murmured.

Oh, boy, she could not say she was afraid she would be a bad kisser. It would completely ruin the moment. But then what was she supposed to say? Was this a situation where everything just went naturally? It could not be – should not her brain stop working entirely, instead of working in overdrive, if she was being overtaken by passion?

That might be so, but her thoughts did not stop when Sirius kissed her on her mouth. Nor were all her thoughts centred around how nice the kiss was, or how much she liked Sirius. No, if anything, she felt more aware than ever, and when his tongue entered her mouth, she spent more attention analyzing the feeling than really enjoying it.

And analyzing a kiss was not a very good thing to do.

Because even though his hands on her waist felt very pleasant and she enjoyed his smell and the feeling of his hair between her fingers, she could not escape the feeling that the snog kind of felt like…

Like…

Well, if she was completely honest, it felt like a warm slug.

As soon as she had established this, she wondered if her tongue was feeling the same. Did this mean she was bad at kissing? Or did other people think this was a pleasant experience? Maybe she should do more. Everything kind of went on automatic pilot right now, which might be good, but then again, what if it was not, and Sirius was now wondering why he bothered kissing her at all?

She was the one who eventually broke the kiss. Pulling herself back, she looked at Sirius, who did not _look _like he had thought it was horrible… but then again, what had she expected? That he would wear an expression of horror and revulsion?

'So that's snogging,' she said.

'That's snogging,' he nodded, pulling her a bit closer to him. Again he kissed her, though it was not really a snog. Just a modest kiss on her mouth, which she appreciated. She was not sure if she wanted his warm slug again. But there it was again!

This time, however, she knew what to expect, and though it still had its warm-sluggishness, she suddenly realized it also had something very… pleasing about it. This time, her brain worked better, i.e., it stopped working altogether and simply let her enjoy it.

'Ah, shite,' she heard James groan, when, after what seemed like hours, Sirius broke the kiss. 'Did you have to, Sirius? I had money on this!'


	6. Chapter 5

On her second Friday as a Maraudette, Alexandra participated in her first prank ever. When Sirius had first told her she was deemed worthy of the honour, she was not sure if she wanted it. After all, a prank meant danger and so far, she had a clean record. She did not desire to walk into McGonagall when she was doing something against the rules – her mother would _kill _her if she got a letter from the school complaining about such behaviour.

However, the boys assured her it was a very innocent prank, 'hardly a prank at all,' as James called it, and Alexandra had to admit that compared to some of the other things those boys got up with, this was not too bad.

And so it was that on Friday afternoon, right before dinner, she was following Sirius to the kitchens.

'What was the point of this prank again?' she asked, as he stopped in front of a boring painting of fruit.

'There's no point – we do this because we're evil,' Sirius said. 'And because we feel that you need to practice the pranking. Tonight, we're taking you on a tour through the school, so you know where to hide, in case things go wrong.' While he spoke, he stretched out his hand and tickled the juicy-looking pear at the right of the painting. To Alexandra's amazement, it started giggling and after a couple of seconds it turned into a green doorknob.

'That's how you enter the kitchens?' she asked, as Sirius opened the door.

'Ladies first,' he said. 'And yes, that's how you get in. Easy, isn't it? I remember when we first got here, we knew it had something to do with the fruit painting, but we didn't know exactly what to do…' He shook his head as some of the House Elves neared, offering plates filled with tonight's dinner. 'We stood outside for _hours_, talking to this painting, until Remus decided he was just going to poke each fruit individually until it gave in.'

'Remus came up with that?' Alexandra asked.

'He's very resourceful when he wants to. Okay, do you see those tables there?' He gestured towards four long tables, which were currently being set. 'One storey above each table is their House-table counterpart. That one,' he pointed to the one on the far right, 'Is the Gryffindor table. Ravenclaw, Huffelpuf, and Slytherin.'

Alexandra nodded. 'Okay, so far, so good.'

'You know the spell?'

'I know the spell. Do we really have to hex _every _meal?' she asked, looking at the enormous amount of plates. She had never thought about the amount of service Hogwarts must have, but it made sense, of course. There were about three hundred students, let alone the teachers and of course the House Elves themselves had to eat, too…

'Nah, just the big-ish things. No need to hex every single potato, we'd go mad. Just things like… The desserts, because everybody always eats those, and the chicken or something.' His mouth twitched as he said that and Alexandra knew what he was thinking. She punched him in the stomach, enjoying the hard feeling of his muscles more than she should. 'I shouldn't have told you that. I was seven, okay?'

'That doesn't make it any less funny,' he informed her. 'But if you don't want to, I'll do the chicken for you.'

She rolled her eyes and drew her wand. Looking at the table, at the endless rows of food and food and _more food_, she wondered why they had to pull a prank on it. It was such a waste – such good food, and people were going to be afraid to eat it…

She squared her shoulders. It was not as if she could eat everything, anyway, she told herself, and so she started enchanting the meals. She did the Gryffindor table, as Sirius said the Slytherins were always treated with extra care whenever the Marauders pulled a prank; Alexandra had not yet reached that level of childishness.

'What _are _you going to do with their food that we don't do to the others'?' she asked, when she moved on to the Ravenclaw table.

He grinned. 'It might be a bit more vulgar. Words an innocent young girl like you should not have to hear. It might give you bad ideas.'

'I think you've already ruined my innocence, what more could a couple of swear words do?' she said, as she charmed a pineapple she doubted anyone would eat. Fruit was not high on the list of Hogwarts students' favourite foods.

'You only say that because you've never heard Moony throw a fit. Believe me, swear words can harm your ears more than you can imagine.'

This got her thinking, and after a couple of seconds had elapsed in silence, she asked, 'What is it with those weird nicknames you have, anyway? Moony, Padfoot, Prongs… Wormtail.' She shuddered. 'Who would name their friend Wormy?'

'I would,' said Sirius. 'I came up with them. But alas, I cannot tell you what they are based on. That _really_ would crush your innocence.'

As he might have expected, this did nothing but enhance her curiosity. It was amazing how easily she had got used to being around Sirius; she was no longer nervous around him at all, and usually, he seemed to enjoy that. When she started asking questions, however, he sometimes looked like he hoped she would still be in awe of him.

'Now you've given me a mission,' she told him. 'Before this year is done, I will know what the reason is, even if it is the last thing I do.'

'Spoken like a true Marauder,' he grinned. At last, he had finished the Slytherin table – it had taken him much longer than Alexandra. Probably because she did not have to come up with crude language. 'Lexi, love, I'm proud of you.' He walked over to her and kissed her on her cheek. Before long, that innocent sign of affection had turned into a full-fledged make-out session, and only when one of the House elves bumped into them, did they stop.

'Blinky so sorry, sir! Lady!' the House Elf squeaked, looking horrified. 'Blinky so sorry, it won't happens again, Blinky promises!'

'No problem, Blinky,' Sirius said, waving the Elves apologies away. 'We were getting distracted anyway.' He moved to the Huffelpuf table; as predicted, he finished sooner than Alexandra now he had to do nothing more than the normal hex.

'Are you finished?' he asked, when Alexandra had reached the end of 'her' table.

She nodded. 'I think so… Sirius, if they go down here, all they have to do is ask the House Elves who hexed the food and then they'll know it's us,' she said, as she followed him to the corridor.

'Ah, they won't,' he said, not sounding worried in the least. Alexandra did not know if his confidence reassured or worried her. 'Really, Minnie'll already know it's us, but seeing as no one got hurt and I hexed her usual bowl of strawberries to sing her "Minnie, you're our favourite teacher", she probably won't be too angry. She has a soft spot for me, so she does.'

Alexandra was not entirely convinced, but now there was little to be done about it. She decided to just enjoy the moment, walking back to the Common Room, her fingers entwined with Sirius's. Though she knew the prank was not exactly the naughtiest ever – Sirius did not even seem to think they would get detention – she liked the idea of crossing the rules for once. She almost hoped they would get caught, curious as she was as to what detention would be like.

She decided not to tell Sirius this. He might send her to the Hospital Wing for thinking something like that.

That night at dinner, when the Marauders and Alexandra arrived, a lot of people were either looking at their food in amazement or holding it to their ear. The Slytherins seemed to be on a hunger strike, their table was nearly deserted. At the teacher's table, McGonagall was looking at her food with an endeared expression. When the Marauders came in, she gave Sirius a small smile, accompanied by a stern look.

'She's so into you, mate,' James grinned. 'Maybe you should dump Lexi and get it off with Minnie instead.'

'I'd love to see her face if Sirius just started snogging her,' Remus laughed, as they sat down for dinner. 'You'd be in detention until you were eighty…'

'Yes, but as long as we are together, that won't matter,' said Sirius. He grinned at Alexandra. 'No, don't worry, Lexi, Minnie's brilliant, but a bit too old for me.'

'Okay, good.' Lexi pretended to be relieved. 'Almost had me worrying there.'

Lexi decided there was no need for normal food tonight, and started with her dessert immediately. When she had first done that, the Marauders had looked at her strangely; now, it was something they did themselves as well, claiming there was no reason why they should not enjoy the good things in life.

The moment her apple pie reached her mouth, it started singing "Itsy bitsy spider". Even though she had seen it coming – she should have, after all she was the one who had charmed the cake – she startled, nearly choking.

'Ah, is Lexipexi afraid of the food?' James cooed, reaching over to pinch her cheek. 'How cute.'

She swapped at his hand. 'Piss off,' she said, after she had swallowed. 'It has an awful singing voice, how was I supposed to know my cake was going to sing out of tune?'

'I always make sure my cheese is the best at what it does,' Peter announced. 'I suggest you do the same thing, Lexi.'

'Yes, but this is cake, Wormtail,' Remus said. He was the one who had most gladly accepted Alexandra's way of eating and was now devouring chocolate mouse (which sang, 'singing in the rain'). 'Cake is special.'

'And Moony knows it, he's had more cake than any of us,' James nodded. He took a bite of his steak. 'Ah, come _on_, Lexi,' he groaned. '_Happy Birthday_? Seriously? And this one's out of tune, too. If this is what your fruit sings like, I don't want to know how _you _sing…'

'No, you don't,' Alexandra said. 'It's truly awful, I promise you.'

'Can't be worse than this,' muttered James.

Despite her awfully-singing fruit, the Marauders still took Lexi on their nightly trip. Or, more accurately, Remus did so, as any more of them would not fit underneath James's Invisibility Cloak and Remus was the smallest of the boys.

'You have an Invisibility Cloak?' Alexandra whispered to James, when she saw him pulling the cloak from his trunk.

He nodded. 'Yup. Been in the family for ages – how else do you think we do what we do without getting caught?' He flashed her a grin and from his bed, Sirius made a grunting sound.

'Don't flirt with my girlfriend, Prongs,' he said. 'If I find the two of you snogging in a cupboard, I'll hold you responsible.' He tapped a piece of parchment meaningfully and James stuck out his tongue. Okay. Sure.

'You ready, Lexi?' Remus asked, holding the cloak up for her to duck underneath it. She nodded, and Remus let the cloak drape itself around them.

'So are we invisible now?' Alexandra asked.

'Yup,' said Sirius. 'But we can still hear you. Have fun tonight – but not too much fun.'

Alexandra rolled her eyes before she realized Sirius would not see it. She and Remus followed James down to the almost empty Common Room, where he opened the Portrait Hole for them.

'Good night,' he said softly, and then Remus and Alexandra were gone.

It was a new experience, walking around the school at night, with not a soul in sight. Once or twice, they nearly walked into a patrolling teacher, but they managed to get away before they were caught. Or rather, Alexandra thought, were in very close proximity to a teacher; it was not like the teachers could see them.

For hours, Remus showed her secret halls and passageways and doors, until she felt like a right idiot for not discovering more of them on her own. She could not even have seen half the castle, if she did not even know about all these passages – and apparently, there were those who even went as far as Hogsmeade! This trip explained a lot about how the Marauders got everything when they threw a party.

Around three o'clock, when she was starting to feel sleepy, Alexandra heard footsteps and a vaguely familiar voice. 'Bella, stop it, okay? I will, I'm just working on it.'

Remus froze and Alexandra nearly bumped into him. Pressing his finger to his lips, Remus nodded towards the empty classroom the sound had come from. Alexandra shrugged and they moved towards it as silently as possible.

In the classroom were three students; one of them was a tall, pale boy with dark hair; the second was a pretty girl with long, brown curls and the third was – no, he could not be a student, he was too old. His long, white blond hair lay over his shoulders and he made a nervous impression.

The girl – Bella, Bellatrix Black, Alexandra realized – rolled her eyes. 'You will? Oh, yes, I'm sure you'll join, it's just never the opportune time. Really, you're pathetic, do you hear me? It is because of people like you that that scum is still admitted to the Wizarding World!'

'Bella, keep your voice down,' said the man with the blond hair.

Once again she rolled her eyes. 'This conversation is leading nowhere. Now, I have better things to do, I'm meeting Rodolphus tomorrow – No need to lose sleep over two people so indecisive as you lot.' With a flick of her hair, the fifth year exited the room. Remus pulled Alexandra back; if he had not, Bellatrix surely would have bumped into her.

'Sorry,' Alexandra mouthed at him. He nodded grimly.

'She is such a drama queen,' the blond man sighed. 'She has that from your side of the family, I'm sure. She is right, though, this is leading nowhere. I suggest you make up your mind soon – the Dark Lord is not known for his patience.' The blond man left as well; Alexandra wondered how they would get out of the castle without being seen.

The boy was now alone in the classroom. He looked out of the window into the darkness, a doubting look on his face. He made Alexandra think of someone, though she could not pinpoint who.

After a couple of seconds, he sighed and stalked off as well.

Without needing words, Remus and Alexandra decided this was the end of their midnight roaming session and they returned to the Common Room, where Remus pulled of the cloak and sat down on one of the chairs.

'Don't tell Sirius we just saw that,' he said.

'Why not?'

'That boy was Regulus, Sirius's brother,' Remus said. 'He'd freak if he knew Reg was talking to Bella and Lucius, and it would not help at all. I think it might be better if he does not know.'

Alexandra was not sure if she agreed, but she promised Remus not to tell. He weekly wished her goodnight and then left for his dormitory. Alexandra went to bed as well, but as she lay underneath the warm duvet, sleep could not find her. What was going on? Why would it be bad for Regulus to associate with Bellatrix and Lucius? They did not strike her as very pleasant people, but…

And she should not tell Sirius. That was even more worrisome; she had the feeling that usually when you were not allowed to tell someone something, it was rather because that was too much someone's business than not at all. And if Regulus was Sirius's brother, it was not more than logical that he worried about him, right?

These thoughts and others hunted her, until finally, after hours of brooding, she fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>An: i hope you enjoyed it so far, reviews are very welcome! **


	7. Chapter 6

It was with great malicious pleasure that Lexi snuggled against Sirius's chest, knowing many a girl was eyeing her with jealousy. People had never been jealous of her before and she kind of liked the feeling.

Not that cuddling with Sirius was not pleasant enough in its own right; he did smell delicious and there was something comforting about the feeling of his strong arms around her. Resting her head on his shoulder, she closed her eyes she breathed in his Siriusness and knew that this was the life.

'You look very content,' Sirius remarked.

'I am,' she replied, opening her eyes and smiling up at him.

He grinned and gave her a kiss on her forehead. 'Great. I was worrying I was starting to bore you…'

She rolled her eyes. 'You, thinking you might bore someone? Don't make me laugh.'

'Okay, you caught me; I wasn't worrying about that at all.' He kissed her again, this time on her mouth, and let his hand run through her brown hair. 'You know, I really like your hair when it's loose like this.' He held up a strand, only to let it fall down again.

'Yeah, Emma kind of said that when she was forcing me into that "make-over",' Lexi laughed. She thought back of that evening; in the end, nothing much had changed about her appearance, except that Emma had forbidden her to wear her hair in a plait all the time and had urged her to use a little make-up once in a while. She had also tried to persuade Lexi to take off her glasses, but she would not go that far – she was practically blind without them. Though the make-over had not turned her into a heart-stopping babe, she _had _lost some of her invisibility, though that could just as well be due to the fact that she spoke and laughed nowadays.

'Ah, yes, the make-over,' Sirius nodded. 'You didn't mind too much, did you? It's just that James has this weird idea that all Marauders should be handsome… No idea why he still tolerates Pete, if that's really the case, but…'

Lexi shrugged. 'Nah, it doesn't really matter. It hurt my ego a bit, but maybe I needed that; I might suffer from the Marauder head-inflation if someone did not brought me back down to earth once in a while.'

'Marauder head-inflation?' he asked.

'The way all of you – even Remus and Peter – all seem to think you're quite something when you're together. I mean, _obviously_ you are the worst,' she said, grinning when he looked insulted, 'but it's quite funny to see, because Remus and Peter aren't that… full of themselves when they're alone.'

'That's what you think,' he muttered.

They cuddled in silence for a couple of minutes, Sirius playing with her hair and Lexi contemplating how much her life had improved. But after a while, she decided she wanted to know something: _why _had her life improved?

Or rather, why had _her _life been given this update?

'Sirius?' she asked, lifting her head to look in him the face.

'Lexi?'

'Why did you choose me when Lizzie dared you?'

'Why? Because of your inhuman beauty, great sense of humour and all-around awesomeness, of course,' replied Sirius, his hand leaving her hair and trailing her arm now. 'Why wouldn't I choose you?'

She had expected him to say something like this; that did not mean she was happy with it. 'Oh, I don't know, maybe because you'd never spoken to me or because I was kind of a social outcast, just to name a few things…' She let het voice trail off, trying not to show how much it hurt her to be reminded of that period. It was so strange – her life had always been that, and she had been fine with it, but within a couple of weeks, her entire perspective on life had changed dramatically and she wondered why she had not gone mad, when her life had been so boring.

'I _had _spoken to you, I'll have you know,' Sirius protested. 'I said "hi" to you.'

'In the first year, I think you forgot to afterwards.'

He shrugged and Lexi went up and down with his movement. 'That doesn't mean you weren't always in my mind, a girl so distant and stand-offish, that I did not dare approach her for fear she would laugh at me…'

She nudged him in his stomach and was rewarded with a nudge against her arm. 'Oh, of course, I was the strangely beautiful and aloof girl all those years, I and the rest of Hogwarts just didn't notice it.' She rolled her eyes. 'Silly me.'

'Exactly! But I, with my special powers of finding The One for me, saw through you all those years and I was just waiting for the opportune moment.'

'Ah, yes, I understand it perfectly now.' He kissed her again and she kissed him back; public affection was not something to shy away from when dating Sirius Black, was something she had learnt very soon. 'No, but really, Sirius, I want to know.'

He sighed. 'You're not going to let this go, are you?'

'Of course not,' she scoffed. 'I'm a Maraudette now, remember? I thought it was a Marauder's duty to annoy people just as long as was necessary to get what they want.'

'I don't believe that's in the handbook.'

'Doesn't take away the fact that it is true. Just tell me, Sirius.'

He did not look at her as he said, 'Well, ah, you know that thing you said about you being a social outcast?' She nodded slowly. 'Well, that's kind of why I picked you. I just… really wanted to annoy her, and it was obvious she wanted me to choose her, so I decided to pick someone she'd never have thought possible. And you were the perfect person for it, I don't even think she knew you existed.'

Lexi was quite sure Lizzie Chaste had not known who she was. 'I really was that nondescript, wasn't I? How pathetic.' She remembered something else. 'Whow. To imagine you did not even knew my name when you picked me…'

His jaw dropped in a not very flattering way. 'I so _did _know your name!'

'Ah, no you didn't. You thought it was Alexis.'

He closed his mouth as his cheeks started to redden. 'It… It sounds more or less the same. And Lexi is a nickname for both of them. But… ' He looked around, as if the couch would suddenly tell him what was the appropriate thing to say.

'Relax. You don't have to apologise, I don't think I'd have known my name, either,' she said. 'I'm not angry about it or something, it just crossed my mind. So basically,' she continued, looking at her fingernails, 'you chose me to annoy someone.'

'That is… pretty much what it comes down to. But I'm glad it was you.' He kissed her cheek again, and kept his face close to hers as he said, 'It was the best stupid choice I've ever made. Because, my dear Lexi, at the moment you are the girl who has survived with me the longest!' He put on his 'Happy Face', which was some exaggerated cartoon face, with his mouth open in a smile and his eyes so big they looked as if they could pop out of his head any moment.

Lexi laughed. 'You're joking,' she said. 'We've only been together for… two weeks? Something like that? No, not even, more like… ten days?' She tried to calculate it, but realized one more that counting back was not one of her assets.

'Eleven, dear Lexi,' he grinned. 'And I'm not joking, my previous record was with Emma; ten days, back in our second year.'

'I'm not sure if I should be proud of shocked,' she said, shaking her head.

'Neither do I, but I suggest we go and do something snogging,' he said. 'To celebrate.' He tried to get up from the couch, pushing Lexi off him, but when she would not budge, he sighed dramatically and scooped her up in his arms.

'Hey!' she cried. 'Sirius!'

'You could have just got up,' he said.

'But I don't want to snog. I've homework to do,' she said, as he exited the Common Room. That was only half a lie; she _did _have a lot of homework.

'All right, then.' Sirius put her down rather ungraciously. When she had regained her balance, she saw him staring at the wall, his head bowed down, a heart-breaking expression in his grey eyes. 'I mean, if you'd rather be with books than with your boyfriend…' he said.

She shoved his arm. 'You're so manipulating,' she said. When he did not react, she put her arms around his waist and hugged him. 'Fine, fine, we can snog for a while. If I have to.' She sighed, as if it was the worst prospect in the world, snogging with a beautiful boy who happened to be her boyfriend. 'But I don't think I'll enjoy it.'

'Let's see about that, shall we?' he challenged, all signs of his earlier sadness already gone. He grabbed her by her hand and led her to one of the deserted corridors, where Lexi was proven wrong. She did enjoy it – a lot.

She was firm, however, and after about thirty minutes she decided she had her responsibilities.

'But what will I do when I've no one to cuddle with?' Sirius pouted.

'I don't know, get a life? Do your own homework? Just an idea,' she said, when he recoiled from this idea. 'I really don't know how you all manage to be top of our class when you don't do anything, it's so unfair.'

'That's one of the better things about being a Marauder,' he said. 'I don't think you've been with us long enough to truly understand that part of our awesomeness. Also, we have Moony,' he added. 'He does work.'

'The poor boy, being used so.'

'We're bad friends. Hey! I'm going to hang out with my friends – great idea, Lexi!'

She rolled her eyes but could not help but smile when he kissed her goodbye and ran off, calling for James in case he happened to be near.

As she went to the library, she was reminded of her mother. She would be furious if she knew Alexandra was putting off homework – something very bad indeed – to make out with a boy – something far worse. Speaking of which, she might have to mention Sirius in one of her letters soon, before it was too late and it would be impossible to tell her.

Sighing, Lexi sat down at a table, got out her quills, ink and some parchment, and started her homework. She would write to her mother – just not yet.


	8. Chapter 7

Once more, Lexi had managed to shock the Marauders. However, this time, James was not just shocked, he was downright flabbergasted and more than a little insulted, while Sirius and Remus just looked at her as if she was some sort of alien. Peter mumbled something that sounded like 'I told you so.' Really, if Lexi had known they were going to make such a big deal out of it, she would have stayed silent.

'What do you _mean_, you've never been to a Quidditch match before?' cried James. 'It's – it's Quidditch, it's the most important thing in this school, it's – You are joking, aren't you?'

She shook her head. 'Nope. I've never seen a match before.'

James turned to Sirius, as if he could make it all go away. 'Sirius, your girlfriend is scaring me,' he told his best friend. He bit his lip and looked away. 'I – I cannot take this right now. And I have to be at the pitch in ten… I'll just… go.' He gave Lexi a wistful little smile and then left the Common Room.

'Isn't he a bit… overreacting?' Lexi asked, as they went downstairs too.

'He's always a bit emotional before a match, it's the stress,' Remus explained. 'He'll be fine once we've won.'

'And if they lose?'

Sirius put a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it softly. 'That is something you do not mention in front of James. But in case we – and that is "we", Lexi, not "they", since they are _our _team – lose, it is going to be one heck of a pranking night to make those Slytherins regret it.'

Lexi nodded. Right. In case of failure, they would find salvation in childishness. It sounded like a very Marauder thing to do.

'I'm afraid one of you'll have to explain the rules to me, though,' she said, as they climbed the bleachers. All around them, students were chatting excitedly, wearing red or green to show which team they supported, some of them with banners. It gave her an unfamiliar feeling of _belonging_, this being around her peers and being stirred up by their excitement. 'Merlin, this is fun,' she said, amazed.

Sirius chuckled. 'It hasn't even started yet, love.'

'Shush, I'm enjoying myself, let me. And explain the rules.'

While the bleachers filled with the rest of the students, Sirius and Remus explained the rules to her. It was adorable to see the boys getting more and more excited as they explained incomprehensible manoeuvres and dangerous-sounding stunts to her. When they started on the tactics, Lexi had all but tuned out and was enjoying the atmosphere instead.

'Here they are,' Sirius said, when fourteen people – seven in scarlet, seven in emerald – stepped onto the field. Immediately, cheers erupted from the crowd, which struck Lexi as strange; they had not done anything yet, had they? But she decided to join and found that it did not _matter_, it was just fun, shouting and going crazy.

Soon, the game started, and Lexi found herself being caught by it. She had never known why James was always talking (or bragging) about Quidditch, but now she saw him play, she understood. She also understood his fan girls a lot better; he really was very sexy right now.

_Shame I've got Sirius, then_, she thought, wondering if Sirius's ego could take it if she told him she left him for James. It would be interesting to say the least…

'Are you having fun?' Sirius asked when Gryffindor had scored again and Lexi cheered with the rest of the crowd.

'Are you kidding me? This is the most fun I've ever had,' she said. 'I should've done this _ages _ago.'

He laughed and ruffled her hair. 'You're pathetic, Chilcott. Adorable, but pathetic.'

She ignored that last remark, focusing on the game instead. And it was only because she did that, that she had any knowledge beforehand on what was going to happen. Only because she was looking at the field, the game, the balls, did she notice the Beater for Gryffindor had hit the bludger – and sent it her way. Only because she was wondering if it would be held back by protective enchantments, did she realize it _did not_. Only because she saw the ball speeding towards her face, did she have time to think, _Oh fuck_, before a terrible pain filled her head and everything went black.

_Where am I? Why does my head hurt so much? _

_Ow. Thinking hurts. Better not to think. Just wait for understanding to dawn on me. Hope it happens fast. Feel very dizzy. _

When, after a couple of minutes of near-consciousness, she unwillingly opened her eyes, Lexi found herself in a room that was more or less unfamiliar to her. It took her a few seconds to realize what the many white, empty blobs meant, or why it was so dark. When she turned around to peer at the other side of the room, a flash of pain went through her head.

She whimpered and closed her eyes again, waiting for the dizziness to go away. What had _happened_?

Then she remembered. The Quidditch match. The bludger. Her face.

Shite.

It explained a lot, except maybe for the part that she was able to think at all. She had seen Quidditch Players after they had been hit by a Bludger, and it was not a pretty sight. At least now she knew how they felt, which was rotten.

She lay back, wondering what time it was. It was dark, and she could not hear any students roaming around, so it was probably after curfew. Had she really been out for so long?

While she waited to fall asleep again, she heard a sound. Footsteps. On the hall.

_Probably a teacher on patrol_, she thought drowsily, choosing to ignore it rather than try and exhaust her brain any more. She took a deep breath and relaxed her body, waiting for sleep to overtake her.

Her eyes opened when she heard a second set of footsteps, closely followed by a third and fourth. These were not teachers, they would not patrol in groups of four. For a second, she hoped it were the Marauders – it would be really something for them to visit her in the dead of night, under James's Invisibility Cloak.

'De Courcy, be quiet, for Merlin's sake.' She knew that voice, but it was not one of the Marauders. It was the ultimate anti-Marauder, also known as Severus Snape. He sounded annoyed and worried, as he ought to be, she thought; what the _hell _was he doing out of bed right now?

'I slipped, okay?' Thomas de Courcy sneered. 'Be quiet yourself.'

'Why don't you both be quiet, before we get caught,' a third voice, belonging to Agravain Mulciber said. His voice, though soft, carried far in the deserted corridor and Lexi could distinguish his characteristic arrogance even without seeing him. 'We don't want Regulus here to get into trouble with the others before he's even really one of us.'

Lexi's breath halted. Regulus? As in, Regulus, Sirius's little brother? What was he doing with three boys who were so obviously –

Oh.

Of course.

The footsteps moved away from the Hospital Wing. Realizing she had to choose quickly, Lexi sat up, ignoring the frenzy of pain that ran through her. She grabbed for her glasses, which someone had luckily placed on her night stand, and put them on, only to realize they were broken. Sighing inwardly, she groped for her wand and took off her glasses.

_Reparo_, she thought, flicking her wand while using the non-verbal spell. She could not be sure, but she thought she heard the sound of glass being put back together. Not waiting to see if it had worked, she put on her glasses again and threw away her duvet.

As her bare feet touched the cold, stone ground, she worried if she should put on socks – would not the boys hear her footsteps, like she had heard theirs?

But she did not have time for that; already she could not hear their footsteps anymore and if she wanted to know what they were up to…

Gripping her wand tightly, she sneaked out of the Hospital Wing. She thought she had heard the boys go to her right and since she did know where else to look, she hurried down that corridor. The moon was nearly full and there was enough moonlight that shone through the windows for her not to have to use her wand.

She came to a stop when she heard voices again.

'Severus, I just don't know if I… He doesn't have anything to do with it.' This was Regulus.

_Who is he talking about?_ she wondered. She wished she had James's Cloak; the voices came from a deserted classroom – again – and she had to wait outside, otherwise they would see her. But standing in a corridor when she was not allowed to, in full sight of anyone who happened to walk past, was not something Lexi felt comfortable with.

'Are you really that stupid, Reg?' Mulciber asked. 'It does not matter if he has to do anything with it. If you're not ready for the "big commitment", you could at least prove your loyalty in some other way. Really, you should be grateful that we're so willing to help you.'

'But I don't see how it would help my case.'

'So He knows you're on our side. Although,' said Snape, 'I'm starting to doubt it myself. Not even willing to perform one little curse because you're afraid it would hurt poor little Sirius? Really, that boy deserves it, even without a higher cause behind it.'

Lexi choked. These guys planning a 'little curse' on Sirius sounded a lot more dangerous than Snape was making it seem. She had seen their little curses – and their effects. Two third-year Muggleborns once had to stay in the Hospital Wing for a week after running into these boys. The teachers had not been able to prove it was they who did it. Lexi remembered Emma fuming about that one night in their dormitory.

'Severus,' said de Courcy. 'That's not the point right now. But Regulus, you should know the Dark Lord is not very patient. And he has a way of letting people know that – so I suggest you act soon, or you're going to regret it.'

Lexi's mouth dropped. The Dark Lord? They were doing this because of You-Know-Who? She choked again, taking a small step backwards to steady herself. She had thought she was quiet – but suddenly, a voice in the room snapped, 'What was that?'

'What was what?' asked Mulciber.

'I heard something.'

'You're paranoid, so you are, de Courcy,' said Mulciber. 'It's three at night; no one else is up but us.'

'No, I'm sure I heard something.'

Lexi heard footsteps nearing. _Oh, fuck_. As fast as she could, she sneaked towards the first hiding spot she could find: behind a big, rusty suit of armour, hoping the dark would hide her from de Courcy's gaze. She closed her eyes, childishly thinking that if she could not see him, he could not see her.

The footsteps came to a halt. There were a couple of seconds of complete silence.

'Anyone there?' asked Snape mockingly. 'Or is it just your mind playing tricks on you again?'

'Sod off, Snivellus.' De Courcy went back into the classroom.

Lexi nearly let out a huge sigh of relief, stopping herself just in time. Maybe it was time she went back to the Hospital Wing, before she _was _caught, by a teacher of by those boys over there.

Taking one of the secrets hallways Remus had shown her, she reached the Hospital Wing within less than a minute. There, she went back to bed, wondering what the hell it was she had just witnessed. Were those boys really trying to get Regulus to join the Death Eaters, or was it just a case or peer pressure that had got out of hand? And how did cursing Sirius fit in this picture?

**A/N: Reviews are very welcome, as always!**


	9. Chapter 8

'Chilcott, my incredibly sensitive social skills tell me your mind is not here right now,' Remus said, two days later. They were sitting in the Library, working on an Ancient Runes translation together, although Remus had been doing most of the work. He was right, Lexi was not paying any attention to what they were doing.

'You might be onto something there, Remus,' she admitted, toying with her quill.

The conversation she had overheard had been bothering her. A lot. From the moment she woke up the next day, she had worried about it, wondering how serious those boys had been and what they were planning and if it really had to do with the Dark Lord. In short, her head was just filled with worry.

When she had been released from the Hospital Wing, she had hoped she would be distracted, but no such luck. If anything, she only thought about it more, because every time she saw Sirius, she wondered if she had to tell him. She did not really know why she had not told him yet, but there was something holding her back. Maybe Remus's warning, that other time they had overheard something similar?

'Do share,' he prompted, when she did not elaborate.

'Well, the thing is…' She bit her lip. 'I, er, remember that time when I was in the Hospital Wing?'

'Are you referring to last Saturday or some other time? Because if it's last Saturday, then yes, of course I remember, and if it's some other time, then I've no idea what you're talking about,' he said, with a small smile on his face.

'This weekend,' she said. 'Well, you see, I was kind of… I woke up in the middle of the night, and I heard voices.' She had his attention now; there was the tiniest shift in the features of his face that gave away his interest; his eyes just a bit darker, his mouth a bit tauter. 'Of Snape, Mulciber, de Courcy and… Well, Regulus.' She fretted with the quill, but hardly noticed when she broke off the point.

'Go on,' he urged. 'What did they say?'

'Er… They said something about Sirius,' she said, trying to recall the conversation as clearly as she could. 'Something with Regulus not being "one of them" yet, and they mentioned… You-Know-Who.'

Remus's draw dropped. 'They mentioned Voldemort?' he asked, his face aghast.

Lexi blanched upon hearing that name. 'Remus! Yes, they did,' she added, when he raised his eyebrows impatiently. 'That he wasn't… patient and that Regulus had to do something to prove his loyalty… or… something like that? It had to do with a spell – curse – he and Snape were going to cast on Sirius. Or something like that, I don't know.'

Remus, who had been leaning closer to her, leant back and rubbed his face with his hands. For the first time, Lexi noticed how bad he looked; he was even paler than usual and there were dark bags underneath his brown eyes. 'Shit,' he said.

'You don't really think they were… thinking of doing that, do you?' she asked.

'Oh, I most certainly think they are,' he said. His voice sounded calm, businesslike – strangely detached. 'Severus definitely, and really, Mulciber and de Courcy are the kind of boys who agree with Voldemort. Regulus however…'

This was not the reassuring answer she had hoped for. 'But I don't get why they'd join. Regulus least of all, I mean, Sirius doesn't want anything to do with You-Know-Who, so why would his brother? Doesn't he see how messed-up You-Know-Who is?'

Remus sent her a wry smile. 'You really don't know much about Sirius's family, do you?' he asked.

'Apparently, I don't. Do share your information,' she said, her annoyance making her remark more sarcastic than she had meant.

Remus seemed to contemplate his words for a moment before he said, 'Sirius must've complained to you about his family. It's one of his favourite pastimes; surely you've heard it already.'

He had; not so much 'complaining' as just mentioning them bitterly once in a while. She vaguely knew he lived with James now, because she had heard Alice and Emma discuss it one night, but had not asked Sirius himself about it yet.

She nodded. 'Kind of…'

'Well, he hates his family. Not so strange, since they're a bunch of elitist pureblood supremacists,' said Remus. 'They've all been in Slytherin and apparently they've this wall in their house, adorned with the heads of their dead House Elves…' His voice trailed off and he did not notice the shocked look on Lexi's face. 'Anyway, they don't really like Sirius, and he definitely doesn't like them. Don't know where it started, maybe when he was sorted into Gryffindor. But they don't really get on well, which is why Sirius now lives with James. You get it so far?'

'Sirius and his family don't like each other and that's why he moved in with James,' she said. 'Was it really that bad? I mean, I know parents can be annoying sometimes, but to live with someone else…' That was something she had never thought about. Not that she would have had anyone to move in with if she did walk away from home. And of course, things at her place were not that bad, she thought. A bit tense, but not bad enough to move out.

'I think it was,' said Remus. 'He really hated going there, so he already spent most his holidays at the Potters'. He just made it official last year. But where was I? Oh, right, they hate each other, but Sirius doesn't necessarily hate Regulus. He's kind of protective towards him. And Regulus… seems like a normal kind of guy, compared to some other Blacks, at least.' He shook his head almost indiscernibly. 'I think it's the inbreeding that does it.'

'Inbreeding?'

'Lexi, you are too innocent. Yes, inbreeding, it's how pure-blooded Wizards reproduce,' he said. 'He's related to basically everyone with a magical parent in this school. But Regulus, like Sirius, is normal-ish, though not as… progressive as Sirius? Or maybe just not as rebellious. Sirius thought – still thinks – that Regulus had a shot of being a normal person. He really won't like hearing those guys and Bellatrix putting pressure on him…'

'But shouldn't he know?' she asked.

'Probably,' he admitted. 'But the question is if there's anything he can do about it. I think the general ambiance in Slytherin is one that is pro-Voldemort, and I also think Regulus might get in serious trouble if he received help from Sirius. And maybe he doesn't want that help.'

Lexi was not so sure about that; the Regulus she had heard sounded like someone who wanted aid very much. It seemed to her that he had got himself into something and was now unable to get out of it, much as he wanted it. 'So do you think I should tell him?'

He shrugged. 'That is up to you.'

'That answer is maddeningly unhelpful.' She groaned and buried her face in her hands. 'Merlin, this talking-to-people thing is complicated. Things were much easier when I didn't have any friends.'

'Poor thing,' he said, rubbing her back. 'A social life, how horrible it must be.'

'You have no idea.'

After that, they continued the translation, but still Lexi did not add anything noteworthy to their job. Instead of taking away her worries, this conversation had only increased them. There were even more worries about Sirius, but, most worrisome of all, there was the feeling that she did not _want _this to happen to him. She wanted him to be happy and carefree, and she wanted it badly, in a way she had not wanted something for someone else before.

_Oh shite_, she thought. _I can't fancy him. That would be a very stupid thing to do, Lexi. Very stupid indeed. He does not fancy you, this is just to prove he is not gay._

_But is it?_

_Brain, stop thinking about this. There are more important things going on: Sirius's brother possibly becoming a Death Eater, for one. Homework, for another. There is no need to add possible feelings to the pile of things I am concerned about. Even if Sirius _is _acting as if he does not just do this because he has to…_

_I mean, would he snog me as much if it was just for show? Or tell me I look pretty or cuddle with me or offer to get me some chocolate when I say I need it or…_

_BRAIN._

'It's funny how you have this very distinct, "I am thinking"-look,' Remus interrupted her thoughts.

'Yes, I'm terribly entertaining,' she said. She looked at the unfinished translation lying in front of her and decided she just did not have the energy for it right now. Maybe she could still blame the concussion, if she got into trouble. 'I propose we call it a day and see if there's anything in the kitchens.'

'Sounds like a great plan,' he said. While they packed their bags, he told her about one of the pranks they pulled on McGonagall in their third year, which had resulted in all four of them receiving detention for two weeks.

When they were just outside the library, Lexi stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes fastened on someone coming towards them from the other side of the hall. It was Thomas de Courcy, a boy she had not been able to look at since he had almost caught her eavesdropping.

He caught her gaze and gave her an inexplicable smirk, mocking her with his dark eyes. She felt a thrill of revulsion go through her body when he pushed her aside to enter the Library. She stared at his retreating back until he had disappeared behind a book closet.

'It is so strange, seeing him and knowing what he is up to,' she murmured to Remus, who nodded.

'I can imagine,' he said. 'But please Lexi, don't do anything stupid.'

She looked up at him in surprise. She, do anything stupid? 'What do you mean?'

'I mean that both Sirius and Regulus can look after themselves and do not need you to stand up for them. Especially not against de Courcy.' His jaw tightened as he said the name. 'He is someone innocent girls like you had better leave alone.' He sighed and then said, 'Listen, I'm not feeling to well, I think I'm going to go to the Hospital Wing for a while. I'll see you later.'

And on that note, he left her.

Bloody confusing, those boys were.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sorry this chapter is a bit short. Brain's still a bit mushy from the exams I had. But I hope you enjoyed it anyway, and reviews are more than welcome! Also, I'm very curious as to how you got to this story in the first place, through 'Just In' or some other way? I'd love to know. :)  
><strong>


	10. Chapter 9

'Lexi, love, we're going to show you something and you must swear not to tell anyone about it,' said Sirius, his gaze locked on her face. 'It is the secret to our success, and if it gets found out, we are going to be in very, very deep trouble. You understand?'

She nodded. 'I understand.'

'Do you swear not to tell anybody?'

'I swear.'

Sirius, James, Remus and Peter exchanged looks. It was James who nodded and then Remus reached into his back and got out a piece of parchment. He looked at it lovingly and then held it out to Lexi.

She examined it carefully, but could not find anything interesting about it. No wonderful spells written down, not a list of the best hiding places in Hogwarts, no way of getting out of the grounds without getting noticed. Just an empty piece of parchment. 'A… ha. Yes, I totally see how this has aided you in becoming badasses. Parchment is a very cool thing.'

Sirius rolled his eyes and took the parchment. 'Indeed it is, once we're done with it. Watch and learn, my dear Lexi. I solemnly swear I am up to no good,' he said, taking his wand and tapping the parchment.

The place where his wand hit the parchment, lines fanned out into what seemed like a map. But it was not only a map, Lexi realized after a couple of seconds. It was a map of Hogwarts, with hundreds of little black dots on it; dots that carried names. The brought her face closer to the map and saw, at the exact place where she was standing, a small dot with the heading, 'Alexandra Chilcott'. Next to her were four other dots, carrying the names of the Marauders.

She looked at the map's headline and her jaw dropped. 'Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs? You are not going to tell me - '

'We are,' James said smugly. 'You are looking at the Marauder's Map, made by none other than us. Yes, we're awesome, we know.'

'You are,' she said, following Dumbledore's dot with her eyes. 'This must've taken you ages…'

'It has,' Sirius admitted. 'I mean, apart from figuring out where everything was – which took us _years_ – we had to go back to every room, enchant it, draw it, enchant the map, et cetera. But it was definitely worth it.' He patted the map as if it were a faithful dog.

'Definitely,' Lexi breathed. 'This is seriously the most awesome thing ever.'

'I'm glad you understand the importance of our work,' said James. 'However, we did not just show you this for no reason. The thing is, Lexi, that there are some passageways that lead out of the castle – some of them leading straight to Hogsmeade. And tonight, we – well, I – were thinking we'd do a little drinking game.'

'That is great,' she said, not following what he was trying to say.

'And we – I – have given you and Sirius the wonderful job of getting the alcohol,' he said, a big, innocent smile on his face. 'And so: here is the map, you are expected back before nine, I don't care what it is the two of you get up to in the meantime.'

Sirius and Lexi exchanged glances. Nine? Great. That gave them more than enough time for some distractions.

* * *

><p>They were still late; on their way back from Hogsmeade, Sirius was suddenly overtaken by the urge to snog her, and what could Lexi to but snog him back? It took a little longer than either of them had expected, but when they entered the boys' dormitory, it did not look like they had been missed too dearly.<p>

'Whow, you're back fast,' James said, glancing at his watch. 'I'd've thought it'd take you hours before you stopped snogging…'

'It's not about quantity, it's quality, Prongs,' Sirius told him, taking the four bottles of Firewhisky they had procured and putting them on Remus's nightstand. 'And aren't you glad we're on time? Some of us might learn something from that.'

James coughed. 'Hypocrite.'

'Lexi, brace yourself,' said Remus, who took the first bottle and opened it with the air of an expert. 'I don't think you'll want to be Sirius's girlfriend after this. He's absolutely horrible when he's drunk.'

'I am not,' spluttered Sirius. 'I'm amusing! Prongs says I'm amusing!'

'Cute how he still believes that, isn't it?' James grinned at Remus.

'Best to just leave him in his own world,' he said. 'Who knows what could happen if he found out nobody really likes him singing, "Bertie the Happy Hippogriff" at two o'clock? Or that it is really quite nasty to have him vomit on your shoes? Or - '

'Fine, I get your point,' Sirius interrupted. 'No need to talk about that. I'm mature now.'

'Doubt that,' Peter muttered.

'Anyway.' Remus filled five shot glasses with a light brown liquid and distributed them among his friends. Lexi sniffed if tentatively, wondering what would happen if she got drunk. It had to be fun, right? Why else would people do it all the time?

'Pads, is your girlfriend smelling the drink?' asked James, who raised one eyebrow.

'I believe she is.'

'I was wondering what it smelled like,' Lexi said, shrugging. 'And it doesn't smell very appealing, if I'm honest.' She smiled and looked at the glass in her hand. Please, Merlin, don't let her do anything embarrassing. Please let her be able to hold her drink. Don't make her vomit on Sirius. Please, Merlin, please.

Sirius laughed. 'Oh boy, you've never had alcohol, have you?'

'I have,' she objected, but upon his amused expression, she shrugged. 'I think. Once. Surely. I must have.'

'This is brilliant,' grinned James. 'Lexi, I am proud to witness your first experience with alcohol. Don't let me down.'

'Enough with the talking already!' exclaimed Sirius. 'Nunc est bibendum! Nunc pede libero - '

He was interrupted by Lexi, who asked, 'Sirius, how do you know all those Latin texts? First Ovid, then Catullus, now Horace… I'm sorry, but I just don't get why you'd bother reading those texts…'

'I'm a Black, darling. Our library consists of Latin poetry and books about how awesome the noble house of Black is. And really, when forced to choose between two thousand year old poems that say "fuck you" or a book that tells me why my parents are so retarded, I choose vulgarity. But _like I said_: Enough with the talking!' He drowned his shot.

'Am I really retarded or is a drinking game supposed to have… a game?' Lexi asked.

'When there's a rule, break it,' James said. 'But you're right, and we're going to play… Never have I ever. Always fascinating to see what those boys have done.' He mostly looked at Sirius and Lexi could understand how Never have I Ever was interesting with him. What _hadn't _Sirius done?

While he poured himself another drink, Sirius said, 'Fine, I'll start, then. Never have I ever… cheated on a test.' He drank, as did James and Peter; Remus and Lexi's glasses stayed untouched.

'Love, you disappoint me,' said Sirius. 'Cheating on tests is one of the best things about being a Marauder. You'd better change that in the future.'

Lexi shrugged. 'Remus doesn't get a telling-to?'

'We've given up Remus a long, long time ago,' answered James. 'My turn. Never have I ever thought about Lily Evans naked!' Of course, he drowned his glass, as did the rest, including Lexi. The shock of this was almost enough to make James drop his glass.

'Chilcott? You've thought of Lily naked?' he asked, flabbergasted.

Lexi shrugged again, looking at her glass. She was not sure if she liked Firewhisky; it left a strange, burning feeling in het throat. And how long did it take for the alcohol to hit her bloodstream? 'I share a dormitory with her, I've seen her naked, hard not to think about it then.'

'You've seen Lily Evans _naked_?' said James, his eyes nearly popping out of his head.

'Prongs, we've seen you naked. It's normal,' said Remus.

'But – but I'm not Lily Evans! How does she look?' James itched closer to Lexi.

'Never have I ever wondered why James is such a retard,' Sirius said quickly, and took his shot. Locking eyes with James, Lexi took hers, and she had the pleasure of seeing him miffed.

'I'm not that much of a retard. Anyone would do the same in my situation,' he said. 'I mean, Lexi has seen Lily _naked_. As in, _not wearing any clothes_. Do you _know _how often I've daydreamed about that?'

'I don't, and I don't think I want to,' said Lexi, who wondered if the euphoric feeling she had was caused by the alcohol or by the fun. 'My turn! Never have I ever… thought about Snape in a gold bikini!' She smirked when she saw all the boys scrunching their faces in disgust at the thought.

'That is one sick brainwave you had there, Chilcott,' groaned Peter.

'What, don't you think it would be sexy?' asked Lexi innocently, a devilish smile on her face. 'I'm sure the colour would look great with his hair…'

'I hate you,' said James softly. 'Please stop this, or I'm going to puke.'

In the course of the game, Lexi did some interesting discoveries. Remus had been deeply in love, but it had not been returned; James had once walked in on his parents having sex, as had Peter. Sirius was once caught by his parents while having sex. Remus had never been so drunk he had vomited, as opposed to the other Marauders. James admitted he thought his mother might have a crush on Sirius. Peter had once woken up to find himself covered in Gouda cheese. None of the boys had ever wondered what would happen if they woke up and turned out to be Severus.

Due to the not very interesting life she had lead until, a month ago, Sirius had decided she was his girlfriend, Lexi had to drink less than the boys. But she too had to drink when James said, 'Never have I ever had a sexual fantasy about anyone in this room' (all boys but Remus drank, which Lexi thought was rather… interesting) and when Peter said, 'Never have I ever been so scared I screamed', and on some other occasions. Somewhere inbetween her fourth and seventh shot, someone came up with the nickname Sexy Lexi, which Lexi thought was a wonderful idea

By the time a very drunken James declared the game to be over, Lexi was quite far gone.

And while Remus, James and Peter climbed into their beds, Lexi climbed into Sirius's and snuggled close to him, putting her arms around his neck and resting her face against his chest. 'Hmmm, Sirius. You smell nice,' she told him. She enjoyed the feeling of his arms around her waist and suddenly a wonderful thought struck her. She was Sexy Lexi – and Sexy Lexi is as Sexy Lexi does!

She looked up in Sirius's face and thought again about how wonderful he was. Her Sirius, her knight in armoured shine, or whatever it was they said. She pressed her lips against his and for a while, they kissed as if their lives depended on it. It was only when she moved her hands to the buttons of her shirt that Sirius stopped her.

'Lexi, dear, don't,' he said, taking her hands and moving them away from her chest. 'Not when you're drunk.'

'But I'm Sexy Lexi,' she said, confused.

'Yes, I know, but maybe this is not the best idea Sexy Lexi has ever had.'

She bit her lip and looked at him. He sounded sincere, even if his eyes were a little bloodshot. Sirius was obviously someone who was alcohol resistant. It was just another sign of his amazingness, she thought. 'Sirius, I think I want to marry you,' she decided.

He grinned. 'Great plan. Let's talk about that in the morning, all right? When you've sobered up a little.' He nudged her playfully.

She sat up straight. A lock of hair fell in her face, which Sirius tucked back behind her ear, a waiting expression on his face.

'I don't need to sober up, I'm very sober now,' she informed him haughtily.

He let out his bark-life laugh. 'Lexi, you're pissed.'

'Am not!' she gasped, slapping his chest. 'I am so not pissed. A little tipsy, maybe, but that's hardly… hardly… some… thing to be noticed?' She could not come up with the right word, then decided it did not matter. Words were only words; Sirius was physical, close, and very sexy. She had to focus on him. She started kissing him again, her hands buried in his dark hair, her body pressed close to his –

'Lexi,' he said, when she tried to unbutton _his _shirt. 'We're not going to have sex.'

'C'mon,' she moaned, trying to use a puppy-dog look she had never used before. 'Why not? I'm Sexy Lexi, if we don't do it now, then… we don't do it now.' Exactly! Well said, she thought to herself. 'And I want to do it now.'

'Yes, and you'd kill me in the morning if we did it now,' he said.

'I would not!'

'You would, I'm afraid.' He kissed her softly. 'But if you still want it tomorrow, we'll see what happens, all right?'

Tomorrow? Could she wait that long? 'Er… Well, okay,' she said, hesitating. 'You promise?'

'I promise.' He kissed her again and they continued making out for a while, until Lexi felt very tired all of a sudden and pushed Sirius away from her. 'Sirius, I think I'm going to go to bed.' She was silent for a moment, trying to figure out what her next sentence was going to be. 'Unless I can stay with you, of course.'

'Even when you're drunk you're scheming,' he sighed. 'That's a Marauder for you, I guess.'

'I'm not scheming! I just want to sleep with you,' she said.

'I've noticed. No, darling, you can just go to your own bed tonight.' He grinned and kissed her again. 'You'll thank me for this in the morning.'

She doubted that, but after another kiss or five, she left grudgingly, hoping she would fall asleep soon. The sooner it was tomorrow, the better.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: There! I hope you liked it. I certainly liked writing it, anyway =) Do review, please!**


	11. Chapter 10

The next Monday, Lexi still had not got over the mortification about her drunken behaviour. It was one thing that she had come up with a nickname like 'Sexy Lexi' and had told James she thought he looked cute when he played Quidditch. That was awful, but something she felt she could handle; the jokes the Marauders made about it were annoying, but she could survive them.

No, it was the _other _drunken behaviour that she was horrified about. The drunken behaviour when James, Peter and Remus had gone to bed and she had been alone with Sirius. Had she really tried some sort of messed-up seduction scene? Taking of her clothes, or trying to, anyway? And, even worse, had he rejected her? She could only hope he had been too plastered to remember.

Despite his promise, they did not talk about it the next day, for which she was grateful. She managed to get through the Sunday by laughing about her own stupidity and reminding the boys of theirs. But when she went to bed and Sirius, ever so softly, asked, 'What? Sexy Lexi isn't trying to get into my pants tonight?' that she knew for sure he had _not _forgotten.

'Good morning, Lexi,' he said on Monday morning, taking her in his arms and planting a kiss on the top of her head. 'Did not feel too lonely without me?'

'I suppose asking you to just forget that scene would not help?' she asked.

'Of course not. But don't worry, I won't tell the others,' he promised. He laced his fingers through hers and they headed towards the Great Hall for breakfast. 'Not everything, anyway.'

'If you tell them anything, I will personally ensure you will never make any small Sirius's,' she said.

'What? But then what will you do next time we've fed you drunk?' he asked, nudging her.

'Easy,' she replied. 'I'll just go for James. I _am _quite curious as to what he has got to offer…'

He shook his head. 'We've turned you into a bad, bad woman.'

The continued their playful banter until it was time to go to their first class of the day; they shared a passionate goodbye before they left each other. The butterflies in Lexi's stomach felt like they were on speed, so excited and hyper were they.

The rest of her day passed pleasantly enough. She skipped lunch to have a snogging session with Sirius in one of the broom closets, which was more comfortable than she would have expected; after lunch, she had only one more class, Transfiguration, which she shared with Sirius and James.

'Ms Chilcott, I would like you to stay for a couple of minutes,' McGonagall said at the end of the class, while around her the students packed their bags and discussed what they were going to do.

'That means you're in trouble, love,' Sirius said, looking at Lexi with something like concern in his eyes. 'If it has anything the do with Flitwick's robes, you can just blame us, that's all right. I mean, we did it, after all,' he said, exchanging glances with James.

'I probably won't be in – what did you do with his robes?' she asked, distraught.

'Doesn't matter, the less you know, the better. Do you want me to come with you?' he added, when he saw her biting her lip. 'You won't be in trouble, I'm sure, she likes you far too much,' he assured her.

She smiled, though she was not so certain as he seemed to be. 'You don't have to come, I mean, she probably just wants to… discuss something, or something like that.' She did not make any sense, but hardly noticed. 'You've got a fifth period, haven't you?'

'Yeah, Charms, but I can skip it if you want me to.'

Her heartbeat tripled at this, but she ignored it. 'No, that's all right, I'll see you later then.' She pecked him on the lips and then made way for McGonagall's desk. Behind her, she heard Sirius and James leaving the classroom, so she was left with McGonagall.

It was quite strange, being alone with a teacher. The only other time this had happened was in fifth year, when they had talked about her career choices. This time, however, something in McGonagall's stance told Lexi it would not be that kind of talk.

'Ms Chilcott, I want to have a word with you about your grades,' McGonagall said, sitting down at her desk. She gestured for Lexi to take the first row seat, which Lexi did. Now she really felt like she was in trouble – did not sitting down mean that it was going to be a long talk?

'My grades, professor?' she asked, confused.

'Yes. They have dropped – not dramatically, but this is your final year at Hogwarts,' said McGonagall. 'You used to have fine grades – not wonderful, but quite good – but over the last month, your assignments aren't as good as they used to be, your tests aren't done as well, and you've been in detention more than in all your others years in Hogwarts combined.'

Lexi wondered if she should point out that that was not a very hard thing to do, since before this, she had never been in detention, period, but she decided this was not the time. 'Yes, professor, I… I suppose that is true.'

McGonagall shot her a stern look from over her glasses. 'Now, Ms Chilcott, I know that at your age, boys might seem like something more important than school, but - '

Oh, Merlin. 'No! Professor, that's not it,' she hurried to say. 'I still take school very seriously, it is just that I have had – it is true that I have been distracted, but I promise that won't happen anymore. My grades'll go back to what they used to be.' She added a smile she hoped was sincere. 'And I'll try and stay out of detention from now on.'

She was not sure if she had convinced McGonagall; the professor simply readjusted her glasses and got up. 'I hope you will. It would be a waste of your talents if you left this school with anything lower than an E in your NEWTs.'

Lexi felt flattered that McGonagall thought she could score E's – most of her OWLs had been A's, with only two or three E's. For some reason, she wanted to prove McGonagall right, show her she _could _and _would _have those E's.

'Thank you, Professor,' she said. 'I am going to try my best.'

'I don't doubt it. In the meantime, I thought it might be wise to inform your parents of this… slip… in your grades. It is something the school is supposed to share with them,' McGonagall said. She brushed away a piece of dust on her cloak and did not see the colour draining from Lexi's face.

'M-my parents?' she asked, trying to sound normal, but failing dramatically. Her voice was about two octaves higher than usual. 'Oh, professor, I'm sure that won't be necessary, my grades will become excellent, better than ever. I'm going to – I won't take anything less than an O for my assignments,' she said. 'But there is no need – at all, I assure you – no need at all to write to my parents.'

McGonagall looked a bit taken aback. 'If you are sure…' she said. 'I will not write them, but then I expect your grades to be back to normal within two weeks. No need to overdo it.' She almost smiled as she said this and Lexi forced herself to smile back.

'Okay. That is – thank you,' she said. 'Then I will… go to the Library and work on it, right now. I won't let this happen again, I promise. Goodbye, professor.' She quickly made her way away from the classroom and headed for the Library, where she sat down at her favourite spot and nearly sighed with relief.

Of course her grades had not been wonderful; before this entire Sirius-thing, she had had all the time in the world to do her homework, whereas now she also had other things to do, like talking to people and having fun. But McGonagall was right, it was no good leaving Hogwarts with grades that were lower than they could be.

She got out her parchment, ink and quill and Summoned some of the books she needed for her Arithmancy essay. She worked well for about an hour and a half, uninterrupted. She got into the flow of writing a good essay. It was because of this that it took her a while to notice someone staring at her intently from across the table.

She looked up – into the face of Thomas de Courcy. She was so surprised she blurted out, 'What are you doing here?'

It was disconcerting, having him so close to her while she could not help but think back of what happened over two weeks ago. She had to admit he was quite good-looking, though; obviously related to Sirius, with the same grey eyes and arrogant smirk. His hair was light brown instead of black, though, and the overall effect was just less appealing.

'Just enjoying the view,' he said.

For a moment, she wondered what he was referring to, before it hit her. He was probably talking about her. How strange. 'Oh. Could you go away, please?' she asked, turning her attention back to her essay again.

She did not hear him move and when she looked up again after two minutes, he was still sitting there, still staring at her, still wearing a strange and rather worrisome smile.

'I repeat: Could you go away, please?' she said, annoyance creeping into her voice. 'Or at least stop staring at me like that?'

'Why, does it make you feel uncomfortable?' he asked, his grin widening.

_Creep_, Lexi thought. 'Actually, yes, it does,' she said. _Stay polite. Stay. Polite. No need to start snapping at him. Creep. _

'Well, you'll just have to get over it, then,' he said, leaning back in his chair. He folded his hands behind his head, looking perfectly at ease with himself. 'Because I kind of like it.'

'I don't. Piss off.' Okay, so much for politeness, this boy was starting to get on her nerves.

He raised his eyebrows. 'No need to be so gruff. I'm sure you never say that when Black is watching you.'

'Sirius is my boyfriend, that's something completely different,' she informed her. She grabbed her quill tightly, torn between wanting to throw it at his head, finding something heavier, or just walking away. 'Speaking of which, haven't you a girlfriend?'

Unimpressed, he shrugged. 'No hurt in looking, is there? I'm sure _Sirius_ agrees with me on that,' he said with a sneer.

A small crease appeared between her brow and for a moment, she was lost for words. 'I'm… sorry? What was that supposed to mean?' she asked, when she had retrieved her ability to speak. 'You know what? I don't want to know. We've never talked before this, and I was fine with that, and you're creeping me out. I'm going.' She got up and threw the quill on the table, before she did cast it at his head. She started packing her back; all the while, she was very conscious of his gaze not leaving her.

'Awh, don't leave,' he said. 'We've only just started a conversation!'

'That is exactly why I'm going. Go and bother someone else,' she said. She shoved the last book in her bag and decided to throw him one last, disgusted glare.

Her disgust turned into something else when she saw how he eyed her. There was something in his expression that gave her the feeling he was undressing her with his eyes. When she locked eyes with him, he winked, leaving her too shocked to do anything else but walk away, wondering what the hell _that _encounter had been about.

She went to the girls´ dormitories, where she finished her homework. She was happy with the distraction, though it did not take away the feeling of being… she could not describe exactly what it was. Filthy? Used? Watched? Violated? Yes, that was it. She felt violated, though she did not know exactly why. It was not as if de Courcy had actually _done _anything, except for giving her the glad eye…

After two and a half essays, she glanced at the clock and saw it was almost seven o'clock. Her stomach grumbled, as if to remind her that missing dinner when she had already missed lunch was a bad idea. Sighing, she put her books away and went downstairs, for once shirking from seeing Sirius.

She saw him and the rest of the Marauders sitting at their usual spot at the Gryffindor Common Room. A quick peek to her right told her de Courcy was sitting among his friends. _Not that it matters to me_, she told herself, while moving to sit beside Sirius.

'Hello, love,_' _he said, putting an arm around her. 'I missed you today. What did McGonagall want?'

'McGonagall?' she repeated, before realizing. 'Oh! Oh, just something about my grades slipping, but that won't happen again. I'm going to do my homework again.'

'Shame. And I thought we'd brought you to the Dark Side,' said James, shaking his head.

She shrugged noncommittally and remained silent for most of the meal. When they were finished, Sirius announced it was time for pranking, but she declined the offer, saying she did not feel to well and was going to work on her homework some more.

'Ah, Lexi, is this because of what McGonagall said?' he asked. 'If you want, I can help you with your homework…'

She smiled and leant in to kiss him. 'No, you just go and have fun, I can deal with my homework on my own,' she said. 'I need some private girl-time anyway.'

James's head cocked as he heard that. 'Private girl-time?' he said. 'Do share what that entails.'

'Oh, wouldn't you like to know?' she said. When he nodded, she said, 'But alas, you'll never find out. Have fun tonight, I'll see you tomorrow.' She kissed Sirius again, with more excitement than usual. She felt like somehow that would show that scary de Courcy, though she was not sure _what _it showed him.

''Bye,' Sirius said, when she had released him. 'See you tomorrow.'

'Time for the lovebirds to leave each other alone,' said James, smacking Sirius on the back of his head. 'It's pranking time.'

Grinning, Lexi shook her head as the boys ran off for whatever weird prank they were preparing this time. While she went back to the Common Room, she crossed de Courcy in one of the halls; she looked another way, but could still feel his eyes on her, even when he was long gone. What was with this boy all of a sudden?

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><p><strong>AN: I deleted the last chapter 9, I was just too dissatisfied with it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter! (: **


	12. Chapter 11

The Common Room was nearly deserted; most students had already gone to bed, and the few that were left were so sleepy, it was just a matter of minutes before they succumbed to the late hour and gave themselves over to the night.

Two, however, were still up and not planning on retiring any time soon. Lexi and Sirius had claimed the easy chairs near the fire and were waiting for James to come back from his patrol; in the meantime, they played a dispassionate game of Exploding Snap.

'Sirius, what's the matter?' Lexi asked, when Sirius had beaten her – for the first time that night, no less – and hardly reacted. 'You've been down all day, is something wrong?'

He shrugged. 'Not really.'

'But kind of.' It was not a question, merely an observation. 'You can tell me, if you want to.' He did not say anything, and, deciding he might need some encouragement, she got up and climbed on top of him, glad the chair was more than big enough for the both of them.

He grinned, his arms closing around her. 'I know that.'

'So… are you going to tell me?' she asked. 'I am your girlfriend, after all, maybe you'll feel better.'

He did not reply for a while, staring off into space while playing with her hair. Finally, he said, 'Have I told you about my brother, Regulus?'

_Yes_, Lexi thought uncomfortably. _Question is, have I told _you _about him? Nope. I haven't. _ 'You might've mentioned him once or twice,' she said, ignoring the guilty sensation in her stomach.

'Yeah. The thing is… I'm kind of worried about him,' said Sirius. His hand, which had been stroking her back, stopped moving. 'I don't know how much you know about my family, but they're kind of messed up, except for Regulus, but now there's… people who aren't my family trying to mess him up.' His hand continued caressing her, as he said, 'Although I suppose they are my family. All magic madzers are related to me.'

'You know, you're not being too clear right now,' she said, ignoring the vibes that told her to just tell him about what she had overheard. 'Who are trying to mess him up?'

'Bellatrix, for one,' he said. 'And Mulciber. I saw them talking to him, telling him something about how it was time he got in action.'

_See! You're supposed to tell him, if this is not a Sign, then what is?_ But she could not bring herself to say it yet. 'He got in action to do what?' she asked instead, wondering if this was lying or just not sharing information.

'I don't know,' he said, sounding frustrated. 'But whatever it is, if Bella's in on it, it has to be something bad. That girl is evil personified, so she is.' Against her back, his hand clenched into a fist. 'And I just want them to leave him alone.' He sounded so lost, so helpless, it made Lexi's heart overflow with a desire to comfort him. It was almost like a physical need, making him feel better.

She put her arms around him, uncomfortable though the position was, and he rested his head against her shoulders, closing his eyes.

'I'm sure he'll be all right,' she said softly, stroking his hair. 'If it's something he really doesn't want to do, he won't do it and they'll leave him alone.' _Or stalk him in the dead of night_, she thought. But she could not tell him now, could she? Not when what he really needed right now was consolation? 'And if he's anything like you, he'll curse their arses off if they bug him too long.'

He smiled a bit at that. 'I hope I have at least taught him that much,' he said. His warm breath tickled the side of her neck, leaving goose bumps. 'And I guess you're right. Evil as she is, I can't imagine Bella really doing anything wrong… Not while she goes to Hogwarts, anyway.' He sighed and sat up straight again; Lexi placed her arms in a more comfortable position, preserving the intimacy they had by not breaking her hold on him.

'You must really wonder what kind of madhouse I come from,' he said, without a trace of humour. 'I definitely do.'

'Are they really that bad?'

He nodded, his mouth drawn. 'Believe me, you are happy they're not your parents. All this nonsense about blood-purity and how we're the best of the best because our last name is Black and how I should definitely marry my cousins, because that keeps the bloodline pure… '

'Sounds like fun,' she commented dryly.

'Unimaginable fun,' he said. 'And to imagine they were actually shocked when I moved out.' He shook his head, as if he still could not believe it. Maybe he could not. 'I mean, they were horrible to me, I was horrible to them, they should've _known _it wouldn't last much longer. But oh no, if you heard them, you'd think it was all out of the blue, after all they'd done for me…'

'You went to live with James, didn't you?'

'Yeah. It was mostly a formal thing, since I already spent my Christmas and Easter holidays there, and at least two weeks very summer. They're great, Mr and Mrs P.,' he said. His eyes lit up just thinking of them. 'I don't think many people would've taken me in, but they did. And Mrs. P's cooking is to die for,' he added, with a happy sigh.

'You and your food,' she said, rolling her eyes.

'As if you're that much better. Really, Lexi, I don't know how you stay this thin while eating so much, you're worse than me,' he said, placing a hand on her stomach. Lexi briefly wondered if he could feel the excited flapping of her butterflies' wings.

'Lucky genes, I guess? Anyway, that's no more than fair, I need something to make up for my horrible eyesight,' she said, tapping her glasses.

He smiled and kissed her on the top of her nose. 'I like your eyesight,' he said, resting his forehead against hers. 'But you've got me wondering about something.'

'What it would be like to have it? Awful.'

'No, silly, about your genes.' He kissed her again. 'You've just heard my rant about the retards that are my family, what about yours? I don't think I've ever heard you say anything about them,' he said, a contemplating look on his face. 'What are your parents like? Magical, Muggle, severe, funny…?'

For a moment, Lexi wondered if she should lie, to keep the newly established easy atmosphere. However, she decided not to, seeing as lies were almost never the solution.

'My mum's a Muggle, I don't know about my dad, he left when I was three,' she said, keeping her voice light. 'He could've been magical, though, I mean, I'm a witch.' She attempted to smile, so it would look like she did not care too much; Sirius's expression showed he was not fooled.

'Your dad left you? That must suck,' he said. 'Just like that?'

'That's what my mum says. That one day, she came back from work and found a note saying he had found another and was going to live with her in Mallorca.' She noticed the corners of Sirius's mouth twitching. 'What?'

'Nothing. It just seems strange that he'd go to Mallorca.'

'To Mallorca he went. Or at least, that's what he told mum, and I don't think she's ever bothered to find out if he really did.'

Sirius's hands recommenced the stroking of her back, drawing soothing circles. 'Have you tried?'

She shook her head. 'No, I wouldn't know where to start. Or what point there is in doing so, I mean, if he cared about me, he would've stayed, or kept contact, at least. Mum says we're better off without him, I guess she has a point.'

'But you aren't curious?' he asked.

'Of course I am!' Really, what did he think, that she did not wonder what her father was like? 'Anyway, I have pictures of him, and mum told me about what he was like. That's enough for me. I think. See, my family might be even more fucked up than yours,' she said.

'Not even remotely,' he replied. 'What's your mum like? Have you a stepdad? I can't believe I didn't know this before…'

'I don't talk about it very often,' she said. 'No, I haven't got a stepdad, and my mum's great. She's very… very…' She looked around her, searching for a word to describe her mother. Loving? In her own way, but not exactly the best description. Strict? That did not even begin to cover it. Unique? That had some potential…

'Mum is very determined,' she said.

'Determined?' he asked. 'Why determined?'

Lexi licked her lips, trying to describe her mother without her sounding like a bitch. 'My mum… I mean, Peter – that's my father – he had left, and… we didn't have… I mean, my mum didn't make that much money,' she said. 'Having three jobs to pay the rent and everything. And she doesn't want me to be like that, so she's determined I'm going to get a career and everything, so I will never have to depend on a man.'

'That sounds… caring, but a bit scary,' he said. ''t Would explain why you were worried about your grades, though…'

She snorted. He had no idea how worried she was about her grades and her mother finding out. 'I suppose it does, yes. She just wants what's best for me.'

'I've no doubt of that.' Yet there was something in his voice that made her wonder if maybe he _did _know something about her anxiety regarding her school results. 'What does she think of you having a boyfriend?'

Aah. Wrong question, Sirius, she thought.

'I don't think she would mind a lot,' she said evasively.

'Meaning she doesn't know yet.' Dammit! Why did she have to go for an observant, intelligent boyfriend? Did she not know brains were overrated? 'It's logical I haven't told my parents, but why haven't you? I'm sure your mum would love to hear it.'

'Maaaybe,' she said, avoiding his gaze. 'It's just that mum's very big on the "independent woman" thing, so I don't think I'm supposed to date before I'm… forty-five or something. When I've a lot of money, anyway.' She rolled her eyes, hoping to convey how ridiculous it was and that _of course _she was joking.

He was not buying it. 'Lexi, we've been together for over a month now, are you going to tell her at all?'

She shrugged. 'Maybe. You know, when we get married in ten years' time and we've both got a lovely job…'

'I take this as a no.'

'That's kind of what it is.'

'I know I'm hardly one to judge, but that doesn't strike me as a very good thing,' he said. 'I won't pretend to be some kind of shrink, but shouldn't your mum be glad you've got a boyfriend? Or, you know, friends in general – and I don't mean that nastily,' he said, when her face darkened. 'Because right now, the impression you're giving me is that at least part of the reason you never had any friends is because your mum was "determined."'

'That impression is wrong, then,' she said coldly. 'My mother has nothing to do with that, I was just shy and… that was not because of my mother. She just made me prioritize from a very early age, and I didn't stop when I got to Hogwarts. That's not necessarily a bad thing.'

'Except that you were dying for human interaction,' he said. 'I'm sorry, but a boy who did not even know your first name asked you to be his girlfriend and you said yes so you'd have friends. And you're great, so it's not like you couldn't have made any friends earlier – Lily likes you, for one,' he said, when she opened her eyes. 'But you didn't and maybe that's because you "prioritized" wrongly.'

'And that would be because of my mother, I'm sure?' she asked.

'Yes,' he said simply. 'At least, that's what I think. I could be wrong.'

'You are,' she informed him. 'Completely.' Was he? Surely. And even if there was a core of truth, her mother only wanted the best for her; if she was honest, Lexi had to admit she simply did not want to end like her mother, working her brains out just to keep food on the table. She was _glad _she had made sacrifices on the behalf of her education and career.

Right?

Sirius interrupted her train of thought by saying, 'Fine, I'm sure you know it better than I do. But I think you should think about it nevertheless.' He kissed her cheek and then glanced at his watch. 'James is late. What say you if we go to the Room of Requirement early and start setting it up?'

She nodded, and together they sneaked away, checking the Marauder's Map so they were sure they were not caught. That Friday night was going to be one hell of a night.

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><p><strong>AN: There, some wangsting about her family. Next chapter is going to be more eventful (: One hell of a night sums it up...**

**& Of course: Reviews (and the story of how you got here!) are very much appreciated! **


	13. Chapter 12

To drink or not to drink, that was the question.

Actually, it was not a question at all. One look over at Sirius, who was standing next to Elaine Copper, was enough to persuade Lexi that she _needed _the drink. Even if it was her sixth that night and she was already feeling more than a bit woozy.

She wondered for a moment if she should walk over to Sirius and tell him she did not like it if he flirted with other girls. But he was not really flirting with her, was he? Sure, he was leaning a bit too close to Copper for Lexi's liking and he was grinning a lot, but that was just because he was friendly. And drunk. That did not mean he was flirting with her.

_Yes ,it does! _she thought, with sudden vigour. _If this isn't flirting, then what is? I'm going to confront him._

_No I'm not._

_Yes, I am._

_Maybe I should wait until I'm sober_, she thought, listening to the two sides of her brain arguing. _Maybe alcohol makes me paranoid. Sirius is my boyfriend, he has no reason whatsoever to flirt with other girls._

Then again, he should not have reasons to dance with other girls, either, and that was what he was doing now, taking Copper's hand and leading her to the improvised dance floor he and Lexi had set up the night before.

_He's a flirt, that's all_, Lexi thought, averting her eyes, trying to think of something else. She waited for the alcohol to revive her, make her remember why she was going to have fun tonight, but happiness did not come. Damn.

Suddenly, an alternative popped into her mind. She did not have to look at him dancing with others – he could dance with her! Chastising herself for not thinking of this sooner, she wiggled through the crowd until she got to her loving boyfriend, and tapped him on the shoulder.

He turned around, letting go of Copper's small waist as he did so. 'Lexi!' he said, sounding overly happy; she was not the only one who had had something to drink. 'Hey babe, I've missed you,' he murmured, taking her into his arms.

_See? _Lexi thought. _I was being paranoid._

They swayed to the music a bit – it was not worthy of the name 'dancing', but Lexi enjoyed it nevertheless. She closed her eyes, feeling a bit dizzy, and wondered if maybe she should go to bed after this song; the combination of alcohol and fatigue was obviously not a good one.

'Sirius?' she asked, when the song was over and he did not release her. 'I think I'm going to bed.'

'Already? But the party's only just got started,' he said, holding her more tightly. 'C'mon Lexi, don't go yet, it won't be the same without you.'

His words were balm for her hurt ego and she let him try to persuade her for a couple more minutes, relishing in his attention. Maybe she should wait, after all – she _was_Sexy Lexi, and things could take an interesting turn if she and Sirius…

She blinked, surprised she had just seriously thought that. Still remembering the last time she had tried to 'seduce' him, she thought it might not be the best idea to try it again when she was drunk. Then again, he was drunk too, maybe he would not mind…?

Being so close to Sirius felt very different now she thought of him and her getting into some hot and heavy action. _Whatwoulditbelike?_ she wondered, as she laid her cheek against the warm cotton of his blouse. Holy hippogriff, he was gorgeous, and so nice, with that deep, sexy voice and his delicious smell… And he was probably quite experienced, which could not hurt when trying to have sex, she reasoned.

'Lexi, what are you thinking about?' he murmured into her ear.

'You.'

'Nice thoughts?'

'Very.'

'Care to share them?'

Did she? 'Not now. But maybe in the near future…' She looked up at him and, knowing Elaine Copper was probably watching, she pulled him close to her for a long kiss. 'But I think I _am_ going to bed, unless you can give me a valid reason for staying.'

'My eternal love and admiration for you aren't enough?'

'They'll still be there in the morning,' she said.

He sighed. 'I get it, I get it. I guess I have no choice, then.' Releasing her, he said, 'But if you feel the sudden need to come back, know I'll be very happy to see you. As always,' he added, nudging her. 'Good night, Lexi.'

'G'night.' She turned around and headed for the exit. Behind her, she heard James cry, 'Padfoot! I've done it! I'VE DONE IT! I've snogged Lily Evans!' When she turned her head, she saw Lily, who looked flabbergasted but very happy at the same time. It was nice she had finally given in to James; if anything, she would no longer have to hear the 'Pads, will she ever love me?' anymore.

She had almost reached the door when her path was blocked by a big, broad figure. In the dark, it was hard to determine who he was, but the light of a small piece of fire work illuminated his face. Thomas de Courcy.

Of course, Lexi thought wearily. That strange person again. Hasn't he got a girlfriend to harass?

'Where are you going, Chilcott?' he asked, leaning against the doorpost, standing very much in her way. 'Surely you are not leaving already?'

'What are you doing here?' she asked, not really interested. 'I can't imagine you were invited.'

He made an impatient gesture. 'I have my ways. Don't evade my questions.'

'Piss off.' Alcohol had killed off her eloquence, not that she cared. She doubted if de Courcy was worth the effort of formulating a more interesting way of telling him he was unwanted, even _if_she was capable of it.

'Once again you're being so rude to someone who only wants to help you,' he said, shaking his head. 'Really, Chilcott, you do know how to charm people.'

'I don't see how blocking the exit is helping me,' she said, crossing her arms.

'It's so you won't leave.'

'Yes, I'd gathered as much. It still doesn't seem very helpful.' She wondered if she should just hex him; he was a lot more sober than she was, though, and she had not even duelled when sober, starting her first fight even when she was drunk might not be the best idea. 'I repeat: piss off.'

'Fine. But before I go, maybe you'd like to have a look at your boyfriend first.' He nodded to something behind her and Lexi turned around, only to see Sirius dancing with another girl; this time it was a blond fifth year whose name Lexi did not know. The girl looked as if she, too, was wondering what it would be like to sleep with Sirius.

'I don't know what you mean,' Lexi said, turning back to de Courcy, hoping her icy tone would tell him it did not matter what Sirius was doing. 'Now go away. Shoo.'

'Already gone,' he said, taking a step aside so she could pass. 'By the way,' he added, when she slipped past him, 'You look very sexy tonight.' He shot her a wolfish grin that made the hairs on her neck stand out.

'Creep,' she muttered to herself, hurrying away from him. It was the first time she wore high heels – or rather, heels, they were not very high – and her inexperience combined with her haste, the amount of alcohol consumed and the uneven floor, it made her stagger. Before she could land face-first on the floor, a hand closed around her upper arm.

_Don't let this be – it is¸_ Lexi thought, when she looked up and saw it was indeed de Courcy who had caught her. Typical. Did not he have anything better to do than follow her?

'Watch out where you're going, Chilcott,' he said. His fingers did not loosen their grip from her arm, even though she was stable now. 'You might hurt yourself. Maybe someone should accompany you to your Common Room.'

'I am perfectly fine on my own, thank you very much,' she said, yanking her arm free and taking a step backwards. She nearly fell again and hoped he did not see it. 'Why don't you go away?'

'That my dear cousin doesn't appreciate you, doesn't mean I don't, either,' he said, taking a step closer.

… _What?_

'I have no idea what this is supposed to mean,' she said, taking another step backwards and bumping into the wall. 'But whatever it is, I'm sure you're wrong and deluded, and I would really appreciate it if you could curl somewhere and die.'

For a moment, he looked absolutely flummoxed; then he threw back his head and laughed, his entire body vibrating with the shakes. 'Merlin, you _are_ amusing. "Curl up and die."' He sniggered. 'Like that's what you really want.'

What else was she supposed to want? A cookie? 'Er… Yes it is? Go away.' In the event of him not leaving, she decided she would leave and she swivelled around on her heal, ready to get far away from him and his cryptic remarks.

Once again, his hand found her arm, but this time it was not to steady her, but to hold her back. 'Where do you think you're going?' he asked, his voice sounding tired.

'Away from you. Let me go,' she said. 'What the hell is wrong with you?'

'There's nothing wrong with me,' he said. He actually sounded offended. Stupid bastard.

'Except, you know, your cerebral functions. Stop it, or I _will_curse y - ' She did not get to finish that threat, because at that moment, he pulled her close and brought his mouth to hers. She was simply too bewildered to stop him; once again, her brain betrayed her when someone kissed her, except this one its treachery was _not _working, instead of working too fast.

But… wait. He was kissing her?

_He_ was kissing _her_?

Great, her brain was working again, and telling her arms to push him away.

'What – the – _hell_– was that about?' she asked, curiosity overruling the smarter side of her that said she should just smack him and walk away.

'Oh, come on, you know you wanted me to,' he said. His confidence was unbelievable.

'You're incredible,' she informed him. 'And not in a good way. I am going to say it one more time: Leave. Me. Alone. And. Piss. Off. Otherwise, I – I will - ' She did not know what she would do. 'Curse your arse off!' There. That would tell him.

Or, you know, not.

Because again he started kissing her. This time, it was not so much surprise that stopped her from pushing him away immediately; it was more the fact that his arms pinned her to the wall and he was considerably stronger than she was.

_What. ?_ She thought. Then she remembered something her mother had once told her; if someone is kissing you and you want them to stop, _bite_.

She prepared herself for the snap, only to find de Courcy blown away from her. He tripped over his own feet and landed with his arse against a suit of armour; when he hit the floor, his face twisted with pain.

'Í don't know what you were thinking, but I strongly suggest you leave her alone from now on,' said a familiar voice; it sounded a lot colder and angrier than Lexi had ever heard it, though, and she had heard it throw many a tantrum. 'If I catch you bothering her – or anyone else, for that matter – one more time, you are going to regret that. Intensely so. C'mon, Lexi. It smells of vermin here.' Lily Evans put her wand back into her pocket; her green eyes were still focused on de Courcy and they were burning with a fire unknown to Lexi.

A warm hand grabbed her arm and this time Lexi did not resist, following the girl to the Gryffindor Common Room.

'That was weid,' she said, as they walked up the stairs. 'What did he want?'

'Thomas de Courcy is a strange man,' said Lily simply. 'Last year, he did something similar to Alice. I guess he just gets a kick from it, or something? Maybe I should report him to McGonagall – if he did it once, that was one thing, but this is the second time he's done it – at least, who knows how many girls he's harassed already…' She shook her head, the red hair swishing around her face. 'God knows how his girlfriend stands it.'

Lexi did not reply to that, too immersed in her own thoughts. What had that been about, really? Was it someone who just had some strange… fetish for girls who thought he was creepy, or was it someone who was half interested in her, or did he do it to annoy Sirius…? She felt almost bad she had not had a chance to bite him, though she was glad she did not have to walk the corridors alone tonight.

They reached the Portrait of the Fat Lady, who was having a small tea party with her friend from the fifth floor. 'Oh, more students!' the friend exclaimed, clapping her hands in delight. 'Really, you've been coming and going all evening, especially after curfew! Not up to anything naughty, are you?' she asked hopefully.

Lily gave her a small smile. 'No, nothing naughty. _Passerdeliciae_,' she told the Fat Lady, who sighed deeply and swung aside to let them in. 'Do you think the party's going to last much longer?' she called.

'No!' Lily called back, while she closed the portrait again.

They were the only ones in the Common Room; everyone else was either in bed or at the party.

'Hey, Lexi, are you okay?' Lily placed a small hand on Lexi's shoulder. Her thin eyebrows were raised in concern. 'I can imagine you're shocked…'

'You could say that, yeah,' said Lexi, who sat down on the sofa and took off her shoes. Her feet felt as if they would have shouted for joy, had only they had mouths. 'It's just… I don't know… weird, I guess? I just don't get why he did it…'

'Few understand him, I think,' said Lily with a wry smile. 'Next time, you should just hit him immediately, though. Even if you can't think of a spell, Muggle violence is still very useful.' She went to sit beside Lexi and took off her shoes also – since her heels were about three times as high as Lexi's, she could only imagine how Lily's feet must feel by now.

'I was thinking of biting him,' she admitted. 'But then you came.'

'Glad to have saved you,' said Lily. She leaned back into the pillows and closed her eyes. 'Well, that was an eventful night, to say the least.'

That was very true, Lexi acknowledged mentally. Then she remembered something else entirely. 'Hey. Just before I left I heard James say you'd kissed him – is that true?'

Lily opened one green eye. 'Like I said, it was an eventful night. C'mon, let's go to bed, I feel like I could sleep for an entire _day_.' She got up and, picking up her shoes, she left the Common Room, closely followed by a confused Lexi.


	14. Chapter 13

Lexi did not have to look up from her book to know it was Sirius who went to sit beside her. By now, she knew the sound of his walk apart from thousands of others, and the same went for his familiar smell.

'Hi hon,' she said, turning over a page, her eyes scanning for useful information for her Transfiguration essay on animagi.

When he did not reply, she _did _look up, only to see him staring at her with a grim expression on his face. 'Is anything wrong?' she asked, wondering if maybe he had found out about Regulus sneaking around.

'No, nothing,' he said, his tone indefinable.

She waited for him to elaborate, knowing something _was _up. 'Sirius?' she prompted, when her questioning gaze was met with silence. 'What's the matter?'

He leaned back; the front two chair legs got off the ground. 'I just had the most interesting conversation with James,' he said.

Aah. That was what this was about. Sirius was annoyed because James had hardly had time for them ever since he and Lily had got off at the party. Lexi opened her mouth to tell him it was just temporary, but Sirius continued, 'He'd heard something very interesting from Lily.'

Okay. So maybe not jealousy of Lily. 'Oh?'

'It had to do with you and our dearly beloved de Courcy, after you'd left the party,' he said, looking her straight in the eye. 'Does it ring a bell?'

Lexi stiffened. In the three days since the party, she had tried not to think about it too often, and succeeded quite well. She just had not thought the events of that night would cross _Lily's_ mind, nor had it occurred to her that the redhead might tell James. I was not that she was hiding anything from Sirius, it was just she had rather he did not know.

'Er… It… might…' she said. She averted her eyes, pretending to study her nails instead. 'What did he tell you that happened?'

'That apparently Thomas was snogging you until Lily hexed him.'

Suddenly, a new thought struck her. What if – impossible as it was – he thought she was cheating on him? What if that was what he was going to confront her about?

Well, I'm not cheating on him, she thought. So I'd just say that… I'm not. And then explain the situation, at least as far as I understand it myself. Besides, Sirius knows better than to think someone like me would cheat on someone like him.

She choked. 'Ah… Yes, that sounds more or less correct, I guess…'

'And why didn't you tell me?'

She glanced up from her nails, only to see his grey eyes staring intently into hers. They did not _look _angry… 'Because I like to think that, if I just pretend something has not happened, I'll forget it sooner,' she said. Quickly, she added, 'And really, it was not like I wanted him to kiss me, I mean, he just _did _all of a sudden and I was trying to push him away but it didn't work because – it just didn't, and I _was _going to tell you but I didn't want to worry you and - '

'So basically,' Sirius cut in, 'He was kissing you, while you were making clear you did not want it.'

She nodded, wondering where this was going.

'And you didn't tell me because you "didn't want to worry me".'

'Yes,' she said. 'Although I know that this is not how you were supposed to find out and I should have - '

'Please tell me Evans kicked his arse,' he said. With a soft _thud_, the chair legs hit the ground. 'The filthy bastard.' His mouth was a grim line and now, his eyes _were _angry, very much so even. Oh, shit.

'Sirius?' she asked in a small voice. 'Are you angry with me?'

He looked at her in surprise. 'What?'

'Are you angry with me?' she repeated, fidgeting with her wand.

'Why on earth would I be angry with you? If he snogged you and you didn't want it, then you're the last person I'm angry with,' he said. Before she knew what he was doing, he had taken her in his arms. 'Lexi, love, I'm angry with him, of course.'

Oh. Right. 'That… makes sense,' she said.

'More sense than what you were saying, anyway.' He kissed her temple softly. 'Really, why would I be angry with you? I'm curious now. And I need something to distract me before I go charging at Thomas,' he added, musing. 'I wonder what he would look like with leek growing from the place where the sun does not shine?'

'I'm not sure if that's something I want to know,' she said, though her head was filled with vivid mind images now. 'You know a spell for that?'

'I'm a Marauder, love. Of course I know a spell for that – Prongs came up with it.'

'James comes up with – you know what, I don't think I want to know what you boys are up to sometimes,' she said. Strange as this conversation might be, it relieved the knot of tension in her stomach. Sirius was not angry with her, and now he knew, she realized she had wanted to tell him all along. It even seemed like he was going to defend her honour.

'You don't,' he acknowledged. 'I _do _want to know why you thought I'd be cross with you, though.'

She shrugged. It seemed almost strange now, that she had thought he would accuse her of cheating. 'I just thought you might… you know, maybe you'd think I was being unfaithful or something like that.'

He looked as if he might laugh; his mouth twitched and his eyebrows were raised high. 'Love, if you were, I'm sure you'd have better taste than _Thomas de Courcy_,' he said, shaking his head. ''t Would be a dark day you chose Thomas over me.'

She grinned sheepishly. 'I suppose so. Sorry for not telling you, though.'

'No problem, love.' He kissed her again and then looked at the half-finished essay lying in front of her. 'How diligent you are. Is there any way I could persuade you to celebrate this newly found trust by finding a comfortable broom closet and snogging?'

'Hmmm, tempting offer,' she said, pretending to contemplate it. Really, it did sound very good, but… 'I really have to finish this, though, I promised McGonagall my grades would go up again and Transfiguration was never my strongest suit. If you wanted to help, however…'

He did, and her essay was finished within the hour. She had never thought Sirius would know that much about animagi, but then again, it made sense; he was great at Transfiguration, if she had been that good, she would have researched the possibilities as well.

'So, what do you say about that broom closet?' he asked, his mouth close to her ear.

She should learn for an upcoming Ancient Runes test – she still did not know what to do with the subjunctive – it was supposed to be a great exercise for her NEWTs – she wanted to snog Sirius. Badly. 'I'm in,' she said, closing her books and putting them away. Then she followed Sirius out to the corridor; he had once told her the fourth-floor broom closets were awful, full with Filch's cleaning products, and that his favourite was on the second floor. It was there that they were going and they would have got there, had they not crossed paths with Thomas de Courcy along the way.

Lexi saw him first and, determined to avoid a scene, she grabbed Sirius's sleeve and pulled him away from the hall.

Sirius, however, had noticed him and before Lexi could stop him, he had drawn his wand and was walking towards de Courcy. 'Thomas!' he said, his voice overly jovial. That bode little good. 'Good to see you, I had to talk to you.'

De Courcy threw one glance at Lexi and seemed to realize immediately what was going on. He stiffened and his hand grabbed inside his robes; it came out carrying his wand. 'Really, Sirius?' he asked, trying to sound casual and failing. 'What about?'

'About you molesting my girlfriend,' said Sirius. 'And how you shouldn't do that anymore.' He twirled his wand in his long fingers; de Courcy stared at it, transfixed, and therefore it took him just a millisecond too long to react when Sirius pointed his wand at him and said, '_Cresce porrum statim._'

For a second, de Courcy looked confused; then he glanced down at his pants, only to see them expanding at a frightening pace. 'What did you just do?' he crued, dropping his wand to grab his crotch. 'Black. Turn. It. Back. _Now!_'

Sirius pondered this for a moment, then shook his head. 'Nope, sorry Thomas. Are you coming, Lexi?' He held out his hand, which Lexi grabbed; when they had walked only about six yards, a loud voice shrieked, 'Mr Black, stop there _right now_.'

Sirius's eyes became as big as saucers and his mouth made the shape of an 'O'. Slowly, he and Lexi turned around, to be faced with Minerva McGonagall, who looked as if she was on the war path.

'I don't know what spell it is you used on that boy,' she hissed. Though she did not speak loudly anymore and did not advance towards Sirius and Lexi, they had no difficulty hearing her every syllable. 'But I hope you enjoyed it, because it has just landed you a night of detention, with me. You know you are not allowed to use magic outside classes and that using it to hex another student is forbidden _at all times_. I expect to see you in my room at eight.'

Behind her back, de Courcy looked as if he would have been happy with this, had he not been worried shitless by the still increasing contents of his robes.

Sirius opened his mouth, as if he was about to argue, but one stern look from McGonagall was enough to silence him. 'All right, professor McGonagall,' he said. 'See you tonight, then. Can Lexi and I go now?' he added. When McGonagall nodded, he and Lexi hurried away, though not to a broom closet. In a secret passageway, he sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

'How does she know?' he wondered aloud. 'How does she always know when I hex someone? Does she have some sort of sonar, like bats, or something?'

'It's probably because she's in love with you and is following you all the time anyway,' said Lexi, which made him smile. 'Anyway, I would like to thank you for doing this, especially now it's got you detention. It is very chivalrous of you.'

'Yes, I am chivalry personified,' he said. He sighed. 'Do I get an award for being so nice to you?'

Apparently, he did not need a broom closet for a make-out session; any deserted place qualified. Great!

* * *

><p>That night, in the Common Room, Lexi wondered how it was possible that she just felt so empty without Sirius. It was like every moment she was not with him, she had a thought along the line, 'Why am I not with Sirius? My time would be spent so much better if I were with him.' Seeing as he was now in detention, she contemplated the possibility of getting herself in trouble, just to be with him.<p>

This is so not healthy, she thought. But _man_, I want to be with him.

Seeing as he was not present, she had to make do with a rerun of their snogging session. Whenever that was not enough, she tried to talk to the rest of the Marauders, who, when combined, almost filled the Sirius-shaped hole she felt now.

'Man, I wish it were a full moon,' sighed James, who was sitting by the window and staring outside, longing written clear over his face.

Lexi raised her eyebrows. 'Why?'

'That's about the only time a month there's enough moonlight to go wandering outside at night,' he said, sending her a devious smile she could not place. Then he glanced at his watch, a complicated golden instrument he had apparently got for his seventeenth birthday. 'Merlin, what is taking Sirius so long?'

'McGonagall is holding him hostage,' said Peter. 'We always knew she had a thing for him.'

'Yeah, but couldn't she kidnap him when I'm not bored?' James complained. 'He's gone, Lily has to be with Alice, and now I'm stuck with you lot. It's just not the _same_.'

'How hard your life must be,' said Remus, without a trace of compassion in his voice. 'Why don't you do something useful, like your homework?'

'Homework isn't useful, Moony.'

'How did you ever become Head Boy?'

James ignored that remark, continuing to look outside. Suddenly, he jumped up. 'There's someone outside,' he said, sounding surprised. 'What mongrel goes outside when it's this cold?'

'Wasn't that your plan only two minutes ago?' said Lexi, who got up from the couch to stand beside James. She peered through the window; three figures were standing at the border of the Forbidden Forest, clearly discernible against the white snow.

Their breath had condensed against the class and James wiped it away impatiently with the sleeve of his robes. Pushing his glasses farther up the bridge of his nose, he said, 'Oh, of course. It's Snivelly.' He rolled his eyes. 'Typical for that piece of – wait, isn't that Regulus?'

'Probably not,' said Remus, who had not got up from his place near the fire. 'James, get away from the window, it's none of your business, whoever – '

'It _is _Regulus,'breathed James.

Lexi squinted, but was unable to say for sure who it was. It looked like it might be Regulus, but really, there were dozens of slight, dark-haired boys in Hogwarts. 'Maybe,' she said. 'Does it matter?'

The three people, whoever they were, appeared to have decided something; Lexi could see one of them – probably Snape, though she was not certain – nodding and then the three of them disappeared into the shadows of the forest.

'What the hell was Regulus doing with Snivelly?' James wondered, leaving his spot by the window to sit next to Remus by the fire.

'Nothing,' said Remus. 'Leave it be.'

But something in James's eyes told Lexi that he would not, just like she knew she wouldn't, either.

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><p><strong>AN: And another chapter! Thank you for your reviews everyone (: **


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: I wasn't planning on writing this chapter, but your reviews made me think that actually this was the most logical thing for James to do... Enjoy it! Also, I'd like to take this moment to inform you all that I'll be very busy with school & birthdays the next week, so unless the SEB (study-evasive behaviour) becomes unmanageable, I wouldn't expect too many updates. I should be grand after Tuesday, though (:**

'If we're quick, we might catch up on them,' said James faux-casually, looking from Remus to Peter to Lexi. 'I could get my Cloak…'

'I'm not going,' said Remus, who did not look up from his book. 'It is none of our business, we'd better stay out of it. You're Head Boy now, surely you have better things to do than wandering around at night, following a group of stupid Slytherins?'

Remus's plea towards James's maturity did not help; if anything, it appeared to make James more determined to show he was still badass, for he jumped up. 'Okay, that's it,' he said. 'I'm going out. Any of you manly enough to follow me?' He mostly looked at Peter when he said this, but it was Lexi who answered.

'I am,' she said.

He gave her a once-over and seemed to agree with something, since he nodded. 'All right. Any of you fancy joining us in our quest for fame and justice?' he asked, prodding Peter's chair with his foot.

Peter shook his head. He seemed very small to Lexi at that moment; his chubby body looked like it was devoured by the many soft cushions of the chair. 'N-no, I think Remus is right,' he said, his voice barely more than a squeak. ''t Would only get us in trouble, after all.'

James's shoulders slumped in disappointment. 'What kind of Marauders _are _you?' he asked. 'When has trouble ever stopped us before? Isn't that what we _live _for? Merlin, you lot are horrible. Thank Morgan I've still got Lexi.' He turned to her, a mischievous smile on his face. 'I suppose it's up to us to save the Marauder's honour. C'mon, let's go, before they're too far away.'

He hurried up the stone winding staircase, followed by Lexi. In the dormitory, he rummaged through his suitcase for a couple of seconds, throwing lots of random things on the floor, before he came up with the now-familiar Invisibility Cloak. He held it up and Lexi went to stand beside him. They looked into the mirror to check if everything was indeed hidden; it was a lucky thing they were both so scrawny, since the Cloak did not seem to be made for more than one person.

'C'mon,' said James, his excitement palpable as he made his way downstairs again. 'I want to know what Snivelly's up to.'

What Snape did, was not of much interest to Lexi, although she had to admit it intrigued her. Even Regulus's business was not all that drove her. The reason why she had really volunteered was that she felt this was an adventure and she was _dying _to see what those were like.

In the Common Room, Lexi made straight for the Portrait Hole, but James stopped her and went to Remus first instead. He softly jostled Remus, who, judging from the lack of surprise, had expected James to do something like that. Sighing, he said, 'I shouldn't do this.'

'We owe you,' said James. 'C'mon, hurry.'

Looking as if this was very much against his better judgement, Remus got up from his chair, leaving his book lying open on his seat, and walked to the Portrait. Lexi and James followed him, though they were a bit slower due to having to evade the other Gryffindors.

Remus opened the Portrait and he, James and Lexi stepped through it.

'Mr Lupin?' asked the Fat Lady. 'Why, what are you doing here? You only just got in.'

'I forgot something in the library,' said Remus, who shot her a small smile. Lexi wanted to stay and hear what he would say next, but James was in motion again and she had no option but to follow him.

Despite the one time with Remus underneath the Cloak, Lexi still had not got used to being invisible. Several times when they encountered other students, she wondered why they did not acknowledge their presence, only to remember they were invisible. She wondered what the sound of their footsteps had to sound like to someone who could not see them.

'Where d'you reckon they're headed?' she asked, when they slipped through the Head Entrance. It was drizzling, the small drips slowly turning the snow into mud, and Lexi wondered what happened if the Cloak got wet. Did people see a flying… layer of water moving around?

'There's a meadow about a mile into the Forest,' whispered, although he did not sound certain. 'So unless they went searching for something, I guess that's where they are. I can imagine it's a great place for a secret meeting.'

_Better than empty classrooms, anyway_, Lexi thought. After all, if she had already caught them twice, what was to say others had not done so as well? 'What do you think they're up to?' she asked. The dark, empty atmosphere of the grounds made her whisper automatically, though there was no one around who would hear them.

'No idea. I say we make some speed,' he added. 'Also, I suggest you stay close to me in the Forest – I reckon you've never been there before?'

She shook her head. 'No… Wait, you have?'

'I will not dignify that question with an answer,' he said. 'I am a Marauder, what do you think?'

They had reached the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest; the dark trees, rising above them like inhuman prison guards, seemed to warn them to stay away, for once they entered, they would not return. If it had been dark at the grounds, the darkness was simply impenetrable among the high trees.

Lexi choked. 'Stay close to you, right?' she said, as they entered the Forest.

'Yeah, you might trip otherwise – the roots come out of the ground sometimes, stuff like that.' Without warning her, James threw off the cloak once they were a couple of yards in, and drew his wand. '_Lumos_.'

Lexi looked behind her, but the castle was hardly discernible, so they probably were not visible from there, either. But still… 'Shouldn't we wear the Cloak?' she asked, while getting her own wand and lighting the tip.

'No, it's easier to run without it.'

She was going to argue that running in the dark in a Forest that apparently had a lumpy ground sounded like a very bad idea, but then made herself shut up. She chose to do this, and James probably knew what he was doing. She just had to stay close to him, then everything would be… not all right, maybe, but mostly right.

James started jogging deeper into the Forest. In the dark, the sound of his breathing and his trainers hitting the ground sounded incredibly loud to Lexi, though soon she had something else to worry about. Apart from the fact that she did now know the woods at all and tripped a couple of times over unexpected roots, her condition was a lot worse than James's and soon she was panting, trying to keep up with him.

After about five minutes, James stopped and murmured, '_Nox_.'

A second later, Lexi halted to a stop behind him, and said the same. She wanted to ask him what was going on, but he whispered, so softly she could hardly hear it herself, 'Someone is there.'

Lexi froze, not daring to breathe, wondering how he knew. Then her eyes picked up someone's heavy breathing and the rustling of leaves. After a couple of seconds, she saw a light coming from behind one of the bigger trees. The light illuminated the voice of the runner; pale, big-eyed, with dark hair…

Of course, James had been right. It was Regulus.

Suddenly, Sirius's brother came to a stop, looking around him warily. His eyes, so much like Sirius's, were tired but alert and they scanned his surroundings. From his intent expression, Lexi gathered he was also listening intently. She breathed as quietly as she could, but was still worried he might hear her.

He did not, however, because after a couple of seconds, he continued on his way. The light from his wand soon disappeared, leaving Lexi and James in complete darkness.

'_Lumos_,' said James after a while. The light at the tip of his wand was too strong for Lexi's eyes and she shielded them with her hands. When her eyes had become accustomed to the sudden lucidity, she looked at James. His eyes were invisible behind his reflecting glasses.

'So, that was Regulus,' she said. 'Are we going back now?'

He looked over her shoulder into the blackness. 'You can, if you want to. He went in here with two others – I want to know what they are up to,' he said. 'You can take the Cloak, if you want to, I'll be fine without it.'

She wondered if he was retarded. Surely he could not think she would do that? 'Are you mental?' she asked. She did not wait for his reply. 'I'm not letting you go there alone. _Lumos._' The light from her wand deepened the trees shadows around her. She heard a soft, rustling sound and for the first time that night, she thought about other things that were said to be in these woods. Unicorns, centaurs, werewolves… They now only gave her an extra reason to stay with James. No way was she going back on her own.

'_On y va_, then,' said James. He turned around and continued jogging. After their short 'break', Lexi had had a breather and she found she did not have much difficulty following him.

A couple of minutes later, James stopped again. Pressing his finger to his mouth, he put out his wand's light and crept forward. His feet somehow managed not to disturb anything on the forest floor, not even the dead leaves. Praying to Merlin she would not trip, Lexi extinguished her light as well and grabbed James's hand. He guided her farther, until he came to a halt; through the trees, they could see a small flicker of light.

'This has got beyond ridiculous,' said a man's voice. It was hard to tell, so out of context, but Lexi suspected it was Severus. 'Why can't he just come and - '

'The Dark Lord has better things to do than worry about your desires,' said another voice. She felt she had heard it before, though she could not place it. 'You should be happy you have the opportunity you're given. All of you should be.'

'We are!' said a woman's voice. 'I don't know why my cousin behaves the way he does. He'll get over it, I'll make sure of that.'

Her cousin? If that referred to Regulus – and that seemed the only logical option to Lexi – then this was probably Bellatrix. Or Narcissa. Or most of the Slytherin house. Actually, someone being Regulus's cousin and talking to creepy men still comprised a great many girls in Hogwarts.

'You'd better, this is getting boring,' said the second man's voice. 'I really have better things to do than talking to some teenagers.'

'Oh, yes, of course, unless it gives you an opportunity to talk to Cissy – then you're all over us,' jeered the woman. That probably meant it was Bellatrix, then, thought Lexi, who suppressed a shudder. Sirius's cousin was someone she would not like to encounter in the middle of the night in a dark and desolate forest.

'Narcissa has nothing to do with this,' said the second man.

'Of course not. You're so pathetic, Malfoy,' she said. 'I do hope she finds someone better than you.'

'Like who? Severus?' said the man – Malfoy – of course. Lucius Malfoy, the blond one she had seen before.

Beside her, James snorted. 'As if,' he muttered. Though he said it softly, sounds carried far in the dark, and before he had even finished, Bellatrix asked, 'Who is there?'

Lexi felt her insides clench. _Please let her think it was just an animal, _she prayed, closing her eyes. _Don't let her come here…_

'S-should we run?' she whispered to James.

Maybe he answered her – she did not know, as at that moment the three others came into action. Within milliseconds, the lights of theirs wands were coming closer, until Lexi could make out their faces: Severus Snape, Bellatrix Black, Lucius Malfoy and someone who had not spoken until then, namely Thomas de Courcy.

'Oh, fuck,' Lexi muttered. She drew her wand at the same time she heard Bellatrix shouting, '_Stupefy!_'

'Protego!' cried James. The wood was lit with the power of his shield charm, showing Lexi the surprised faced of their attackers. She saw de Courcy and Snape raising their wands and, before she knew what she was doing, she shrieked, '_Impedimenta!_' pointing her wand in the general direction of the Slytherins.

James cast a spell as well, though she did not hear what he said, and then he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her along with him, running faster than she would have thought possible. After a long run in the dark, in which Lexi's head was scraped by a low branch and she had sprained her ankle by stepping into a hole, James stopped and pulled out his Cloak, throwing it around the two of them. When he illuminated the tip of his wand again, she momentarily wondered if he had gone mad, but then remembered that their pursuers would not be able to see the light.

'Are you okay?' he asked, his worried eyes focused on her face.

She nodded, though she wondered if she really was all right. She did not feel that way, to say the very least. 'Why did you run?' she asked. It was a completely irrelevant question, but it was also the first thing that slipped into her mind.

'I thought getting into a fight with them would not be the wisest idea ever,' he said. He started moving again, though at a much slower pace. 'Malfoy is definitely not afraid to use illegal curses and I can imagine Bellatrix having some up her sleeve as well… As to Snivellus, I think he'd gladly use an Unforgivable Curse on us and then hide us here.' He was silent for a moment as he helped Lexi get over a fallen tree. 'It was not something I wanted to get you into.'

'Do you think they saw who we were?'

He shook his head. 'No, but I'm not sure.' He clenched his jaw and increased his speed again.

'What will we do if - '

'Lexi,' he interrupted her. 'Don't. Talk. Right. Now. We're going to go back to the Castle before we run into them again. Tomorrow we'll worry about what we have to do, all right?'

She simply nodded and followed him.

When she saw the familiar peaks of the castle, the hundreds of lights peering through the small windows, she felt a surge or relief flooding through her, like a burden she had now known she was carrying fell off her shoulders. In silence, she and James walked back to the Seventh Floor, where James took off the Cloak; it was long past curfew, but the Fat Lady would not open if she saw no one.

'My my, Mr Potter, Ms Chilcott,' she said, sounding very surprised indeed. 'What are the two of you doing up so late?'

'Nothing,' said James flatly. Without further ado, he gave her the password and she swung open.

'Well, this sucks,' he said, after he had closed the portrait again. He rubbed his face with his hands, looking more tired than ever. 'And there I was thinking it was none of my business.'

'It _is _none of your business,' said Lexi, who felt just as tired as he looked. 'And I think I agree with Remus now. It's best if we stay out of it, before we get into trouble. And I don't mean detention – those people were not just breaking some school rules, they were up to something much more dangerous than that. It's not something we should meddle with.'

The grimace he shot her was but a shadow of his cocky grin. 'And that, Lexi, is where you are wrong. It is exactly what we should interfere with. Because they're not just breaking school rules. They're up to something very dangerous, yes, and if people like us don't stop them, who will?' With those words, he yawned and left for the dormitory, his Cloak swung casually over his arm.


	16. Chapter 15

Dear Diary,

Once again, I'm writing to you from the loo while normal people are at lunch.

_Why? _I know you wonder. Well, because apparently, the Marauders have something so cool and awesome to do, that I can't be present when they're discussing it. With Marauders, I mean James, Sirius and Peter. Remus is ill, _again_. Which is kind of sad, you know, because I get why they don't want me in it (I'm new and all, blah blah blah), but Remus is a REAL Marauder, shouldn't he be with them if they're going to pull The Prank?

Actually, I'm not sure if they're going to prank. But they're going out in the middle of the night, which is against the rules, and who knows what they're up to …

Maybe it's better if I'm not with them, though. They've been acting weird all day, snapping at me, at each other, and then suddenly laughing. Maybe they're on drugs?

Whoa. Sirius on drugs. Scary thought.

Shit, I'm hungry. They only told me to go away, why did I have to be so stupid as to send myself to the loo? I should've gone to the kitchens or… No, I should've just told them to piss off and then continued to eat. Why do I never think of that at the moment itself?

Oh, that was the bell. I'll write again soon.

Love,

Lexi.

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I should be paying attention to the conjugation of 'Boerznak', but one of the problems of doing your homework is that when no one else does it and you have an accommodating teacher, you spend the class doing said homework. Only I've already done it, and Remus isn't here so I'm bored and yes. Time to be a rebel and not pay attention!

_Lexi, this isn't rebellious, even I do it. But I get the bored part, so I suggest we kill some time by a pointless, childish conversation through note-passing. Lily._

Really, this girl has only been with James for about two weeks and already she's becoming a rogue like him.

_Sounds like a prime plan. Any suggestions for the subject of these written conversations? Lexi._

_Boys, Marauders, Boys who are Marauders and are creeping out tonight, complaining about teachers, your plans for the future… Anything else we could discuss? LE._

_The rise and fall of ballet in popular culture. But boys sound more interesting. Do you know anything about their plans tonight? They won't tell me anything. Lexi._

_The bastards! James hasn't told me anything, either, saying it's 'secret Marauder business'. I want to bet they're just going to drink their heads off tonight and do something embarrassing like, I don't know, streaking over the fourth floor again. LE._

… Wait, what? They've done that? Man, I would've loved to see that.

_I'm sorry, what's this 'again'? Lexi._

_Fourth year, night of Halloween. James actually had the guts to ask me out – I think it was one of the most awkward conversations I've ever had. With a drunken boy, who I hated and was very naked at the time, _and _confessing his eternal love for me… He apologised the next day, though. What's this we're writing in, anyway? Your diary?_

_Yes, so I'd appreciate it if you did not skip to earlier pages. That episode with James sounds like fun…_

_Oh, yes, I love thinking back to it. Or reminding him of it, which is probably even more fun. You can just see this look of horror crossing his face, see him thinking, 'Oh god. I did that. Oh my GOD, why did I ever do that? Why? WHY?' It comes up quite often now we're together, haha._

_Lily Evans, you are one evil woman. _

_Oh, come on, if you saw Sirius do something like that, you'd die of laughter, too. _

_Can't deny_

* * *

><p>I will not pass notes in my diary in class, even if it is about a subject as fascinating as a naked proposal of love by one of my friends, because it disturbs the very interesting class I am currently taking, and when the teacher has to call me out on it, it distracts the other students, who had been working very hard until this point; because of this and many other reasons, I promise never to behave in such an abominable way again, at least not when my teachers can see it. (150 times, hand in on Monday)<p>

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

I don't know why I'm writing right now, seeing as my hands hurts like hell from the first forty lines (I gave myself a break, it's mind-numbing, out lines), but I guess this is just study-evasive behaviour. Next to me, Lily's looking like she'd like to quit, too, but James has not yet defiled her purity enough to actually make her stop before she's at least half way through.

The rest of today was a bit weird. Getting my notes read out in class was a bit embarrassing (but even more so for James, who has been taunted because of it for the rest of the day now; I think he wouldn't have minded people forgetting that episode). But I guess getting away with writing these lines is... Actually, that isn't better at all, I'd be finished with detention in an hour or two, this is going to take me _ages_.

Whoa. Times have changed when I'd actually prefer detention to… something else. What's happened to me?

Anyway, like I said, the day was weird. Things seemed fine with Sirius (he laughed his head off when he heard. Stupid bastard) but there was still something… off. It was just that he was kind of looking through me, or something? It's hard to explain. I guess it has to do with what they're planning for tonight; I just wish I knew what it was. He's so stressed out, really, what the _hell _could it be that's happening tonight?

You know what, I'm tired of not knowing that. They don't have to give me the specifics, if they don't want to, but I'm their friend now, too. And Sirius's girlfriend, at that. After dinner, I'm going to ask them what's going on. In a nice, not-freakishly-controlling-girlfriend manner.

I'm usually not that determined. Wonder what causes it? Probably the PMS. Stupid periods. Maybe I should start taking the pill? Never know when it might be useful and better safe than sorry…

And now, back to my lines. Yugh.

Love,

Lexi

* * *

><p>Dear Diary,<p>

Tonight was awful.

Love,

Lexi.

* * *

><p>A single tear ran over Lexi's cheek. It hung on her chin for a couple of seconds, hesitating, before it fell down on the paper of her diary and smudged the ink. She suppressed a sob and lay back into her pillow; soon, there were two wet puddles at the height of her eyes, where her tears crept down her face.<p>

Awful more or less described her evening. She could have taken a more appropriate word, though; what about disastrous?

Once again, knowing she should not, she closer her eyes and replayed the mental tape of her conversation with Sirius.

* * *

><p>'Sirius, what are you going to do tonight? All this secrecy,' she said. 'Really, I'd almost think you were on a secret mission for de SIS.'<p>

He stared at her blankly. 'The SIS? What's that?'

'A kind of extreme Muggle Auror office, specialized in secrecy and espionage,' she said. 'But obviously, it's not a secret mission for them, so what is it you lot are up to?'

'Lexi, love, that's none of your business,' he said. His tone was pleasant, but there was a harsh edge to his voice she had not heard before. 'I'm sorry.'

She glanced over at James, who was carefully _not _looking at her. 'James? Will you tell me?'

'What? Oh, no, I'm afraid I won't.' He shot her an apologetic smile. 'Secret Marauder stuff. Listen, man,' he said, looking at Sirius, 'I've to go and talk to the Prefects with Lily; I'll see you at eight, at the usual spot?'

'Yes. Good luck with Evans. Don't shag her in front of the little children!' called Sirius to James's retreating back, a smile on his face. It disappeared as soon as he caught sight of Lexi's expression; in its place came a closed, rather annoyed scowl.

'What?' he said.

'I want to know what you're going to do,' she said, crossing her arms.

'Like I said, it is none of your business.'

'I just made it my business,' she said. 'Sirius, _what _are you going to do? And don't come with the "secret Marauder stuff" shit. I was under the impression that I was one of you now, so I should definitely hear whatever it is, if it's for the Marauders only.'

He rolled his eyes. 'Lexi, you are behaving ridiculously. The boys and I are going to hang out tonight, guys only – that's not a Marauder thing, it's a man thing. You'll survive without me for a night, so why should you worry?'

'I'm not worrying,' she said. 'I just want to know what - '

'Yes, I know that,' he interrupted. 'And once again, I have to tell you that it is _none of your business_, so no matter how badly you want to know, I'm not going to tell you. End of discussion.'

She stared at him incredulously. Did he just really say 'End of discussion'? And expect her to just let it _go_? He obviously did not know her well. 'No, not the end of the discussion,' she said, her voice rising a couple of decibels. 'I don't have to know everything, but I think I deserve to know what I'm being left out on.'

'Really? Well, you don't,' he snapped. 'That's why we're not including you.'

Her jaw clenched. 'If you're not going to tell me, I'll find out some other way,' she said. 'And I might get a really wrong impression of what you're doing, so really, it's far easier if you just told me now and be done with it.' She tried to keep her tone friendly, but it was not working too well. They had been together for almost two months now, surely he could confide in her?

'I won't. And you won't follow us, either,' he said. 'You'll stay out of this.'

'No, I won't.' She raised her eyebrows defiantly.

'You will,' he said, not at all impressed with her. 'I mean it, Lexi, this is not something you want to be caught up in. And it is nothing to do with you.'

'Oh, no, three of my friends are sneaking out in the dead of the night and they refuse to tell me what's going on, that definitely sounds like it has nothing to do with me,' she said. 'Sirius, I'm your girlfriend, I – I have to know.'

'I don't see how being my girlfriend entitles you to knowing my every move,' he said. 'Just trust me, one day, you'll be glad you didn't come with us. And if you _do _come, you'll regret it tomorrow. And you'll probably regret it for the rest of you life. So, I am saying this one more time, you are _not _coming with us, and that's the end of it. Now leave me alone.' He turned around and stalked off; his hands were clenched in fists and even from a distance Lexi could see how tensed his body was.

Not that she cared. The only thing she could think of was his face when he uttered those last words; he was serious and he really _did not _want her around. He was angry with her. And this time, it was not just her overactive imagination – he really was. And now he just… walked away.

Oh, shit.

_What "Oh shit"_? she suddenly thought, blinking when she felt a sudden surge of anger. _What does it matter he's angry with me? _I _am angry with _him. _Stupid, not-telling bastard. I don't even want to come now, but maybe I will, just to bug you, you stupid – _

She started to walk back to the Common Room, all the while cursing Sirius and his secretive ways. Well, he and the boys could have an orgy, for all she cared. If he did not want her there, then that was his problem, not hers. She had far better things to do.

She caught sight of Elaine Lagerloff's smirking face; this was enough to send a whole new gulf of anger through her.

'What are you staring at?' she said, putting as much venom in her voice as she could.

'Oh, just Sirius Black's ex-girlfriend,' said Elaine, who's grin broadened.

Lexi did not know if these words made her insides quiver with fear or anger. 'I have no idea what you're talking about.'

'Did the two of you have a fight? How sad. Sirius doesn't really talk to girls he's got into a fight with, does he? Well, I'll just go and see if he needs someone to comfort him; I'll see you later, Chilcott.' She darted off; something about her speed told Lexi she was more than a little worried Lexi would hex her.

_I should_, Lexi thought. It would be great to let out the anger. _But then I'd just get into trouble. And she's not worth it._

She now had two people to direct angry thoughts to, but by the time she had reached her bed, all anger had been dissipated by anxiety; tears had taken over the angry, red blotched on her face.

_Oh, Merlin_, she thought, hiding her face in her hands. _What if she is right? What if I am his ex-girlfriend?_

* * *

><p><strong>Ah, troubles in paradise. And I've killed another hour and a half which I should've spend on my work... Ah well.<br>**


	17. Chapter 16

It had been three days since their fight. Three days in which she and Sirius kept a distance from each other; three days in which she went to bed early, and cried; three days in which she wondered if the bleakness would disappear. Three days of anxiety, worries, anger.

It was not that she and Sirius did not talk at all. They did – it was just that there was hardly anything to the conversations they had. No bantering, no teasing, no kissing; they spoke as much as was necessary to stay polite, and other than that, they evaded each other.

On the third day, she and Remus sat in the library. Sirius, James and Peter had gone somewhere else; Lexi tried not to think it was because of her.

She was doodling in the margins of her diary, in which she had not written since the Bad News. She did not feel like writing now, either, but she was unable to stay focused on her homework. Her thoughts just kept returning to the stand-offish manner Sirius had greeted her that morning, and the way he sat with his back to her during Transfiguration…

'Lexi, this is absurd,' said Remus suddenly, disturbing her angsting. 'If you feel so bad about it, why don't you talk to him about it?'

'Because I think he's wrong and he's the one, who should apologise,' she said, though she was not sure if that was the reason. She was frightened of confrontations; one of the perks of being a wallflower had been that she almost never had them. 'And… I just… I don't know.' She fiddles with her quill, drawing irregular patterns on her fingers.

'He won't apologise,' said Remus. He put down his quill and looked at her.

'Why not?'

'His pride won't let him.' He chuckled. 'Really, in all the years I've known him, he's apologised a total of one time and that was because he _really _knew he was in the wrong. Right now, he doesn't think he is, so the chances of him saying sorry are naught.'

She was too caught up in her own troubles to wonder what Sirius had done that one time. 'But he is. He was rude and he could've just told me. He even could've lied to me, I just… I guess I hated that he left me out like that.'

'And lying would've been better?'

She shrugged. 'I don't know. I don't know what I think of it. I mean, I probably… No, I didn't overreact,' she said. She clenched the tip of her quill so hard, it broke. 'Damn it. Anyway, he suddenly got angry, for no reason, I was just asking - '

'And he didn't want you to know,' said Remus simply. 'You should've let it rest.'

'Would _you _have just let it rest?'

She had him there; he turned a light shade of pink. 'Maybe. But I must say, he was right not to tell you. It is not his secret to tell.' A muscle was twitching near his temple, close to one of the smaller scars he had.

'So you do know what they were doing?' Lexi asked.

He nodded. 'And believe me when I say, it is nothing you want to have anything to do with. I don't know how the conversation went exactly, so I can imagine Sirius might've been a bit… rude - '

'He was.'

'–but he did mean well,' Remus continued, as if she had not interrupted him. 'And I know you don't want to, and I know swallowing your pride is an awful and hard thing to do, but really, you should apologise. He misses you.'

For the first time in days, Lexi felt her insides becoming warm and happy-feeling again. 'Really?'

'Yes, really.' He gestured at her 'essay', which was hardly more than a few scrabbles. 'I suggest you do it quickly, before your school work starts to suffer from it.'

'How mature you are, worrying about my education,' she said, but she closed her books anyway. Was she going to apologise to Sirius? She was not angry with Remus for not telling her their plans, either, so why should she remain angry with Sirius?

_Exactly_, said a side of her she had ignored thus far. A side that was very keen on making up with her dearly beloved. _Be the mature one, don't let your relationship suffer from this. Look at it as something positive: your first fight! Now you're _really _a couple._

'Have you any idea where I can find my favourite troublemaker?' she asked Remus, as she started packing up her books.

'Probably in the Common Room. Otherwise, I'm afraid he'll be roaming around school grounds and it'll be impossible for you to find him until dinner,' he said. He turned back to his essay again; it was already two pieces of parchment. Remus had to work a lot harder than James and Sirius, but his dedication showed in his grades, which were nearly as good as his friends'. Lexi respected that; she just wished one of them would share a bit of their brains with her.

'Thank you.' She closed her bag, ruffled through Remus's hair and then made way for the Common Room. On the go, she composed her speech, ignoring the hyper butterflies that told her this was scary. She had already decided exactly how she was going to tell him she was sorry for prying into his personal business so much, when she reached the Common Room and entered it. There, she let her eyes swept the room, hoping to see the familiar mop of dark head, but no such luck.

Immediately, the butterflies were silent, though Lexi doubted they were dead. Just asleep, waiting for the moment she _did _see Sirius, when they would revive and bother her even more. Until then, however, she decided she would take a comfortable seat and distract herself by observing others.

She was just contemplating what a chubby fourth-year boy with a love struck face was thinking, when the portrait hole swung open and James came in, followed by Sirius and Peter. They all had snow in their hair, and when Sirius stood in the middle of the Common Room, he shook his head so violently everyone in a ten-foot radius from him got splashed, which led to outraged cried from many girls of whom Lexi suspected they loved it.

'Man, you need to cut your hair,' said James, who caught sight of Lexi and waved. 'Lexi! Please tell me you have not been hit by this rascal's dirty snow.'

She got up from her chair, shaking her head. 'Nope, I was safe. What were you doing?'

'Snowball fight,' he said. He ran his hair through his hair; the snow fell down, into his neck. 'Ah, shite, cold!'

Lexi no longer paid attention to him, but turned to Sirius. There seemed to be some kind of butterfly-circus going on in her belly. 'Hey,' she said, her throat suddenly as dry as sandy paper. 'Could I talk to you for a moment?'

'Of course,' he said. 'Talk away.'

She looked around; many of the girls were watching, and one of them was holding a purse and counting galleons. For a moment, Lexi wondered if maybe they had put bets on her and Sirius making up, but surely even the students at Hogwarts would not do something so strange. Right?

'Could we move somewhere a bit more private?' she asked.

He nodded and she followed him up to the dormitory. Before she closed the door behind her, she heard someone in the Common Room yell, 'Okay, Sarah, they've gone up – that's three galleons you owe me!'

She turned around to see Sirius sitting on his bed, his dark, wet hair framing his face, some drops clinging to his long eyelashes. Oh, merry Merlin, she could not do this. She felt like she was going to vomit. Forcing herself to be strong, she went to sit beside him, though she kept about a foot between them.

'Sirius, I wanted to apologise for bothering you, last Thursday,' she said, wondering if she should put her hand on his shoulder or not touch him at all. She decided a small bit of physical contact could not hurt, so she moved her leg until it rested against his. 'I should've just let it go when you told me to, and I'm sorry for that and… I hope we can act normal to each other again.'

There, she had said it. And it had not even been that hard.

She studied his face; he did not look at her, but stared at a piece of wall instead. She could not fathom his expression; was he forgiving her, thinking, trying to come up with a creative way of telling her goodbye?

Finally, he turned his head, so he looked at her. 'Apologies accepted,' he said, placing his hand on her leg. 'And I… I guess I might've been a bit harsh on you. It was only natural that you wanted to know.' He squeezed her leg softly. 'I'd like things to be normal again, too.'

_Oh thank Merlin. _Relief washed through her, so strong that it felt like a physical burden had been taken away. She took a deep breath, which tasted so much better now. 'Great,' she said, unable to come up with a better word. 'That's really great. I mean, that's really really… great, yes.'

A small grin played around his mouth. 'Eloquence itself, aren't you, love? But you are right, it _is _great.'

She smiled, something she kept doing even when he kissed her. Only when she felt his lips on hers did she fully understand how afraid she had been of never experiencing that again.

After a while, their kiss deepened, until Sirius pushed her back into the pillows and, leaning over her, made a trail of kisses in her neck, softly biting the sensitive skin, leaving her breathless. When his cold hands slid under her shirt, her eyes flew open in shock, but it was more because of their coldness than because she did not want him to. In fact, she wanted him to, very, very much so.

Her fingers reached for the buttons of his shirt. Now she was faced with the difficult task of being kissed by Sirius while at the same time trying to undo his buttons, something for which one needed more skill than she had thought. She managed it, though, and soon she was able to fling his shirt to the floor and run her hands of his smooth body. He was gorgeous.

'Lexi?' he asked, stopping the kissing and leaning his face close to hers. 'Are you sure you want to - '

'Yes,' she said. She reached up to silence him with her kiss, and soon she found his hands were undoing _her _buttons. This was… going a lot better than when she had tried her drunken seduction. She found the time to silently thank the Gods for making her wear a nice bra that day; it was obviously meant to be.

Her hands found his fly, felt a very distinctive bulge through them. Oh, boy. Oh, _God_, this was kind of scary. Also, she thought he was still wearing his shoes; how was she supposed to take off his pants when he was still wearing those?

As she worried about this, Sirius reached for his nightstand, opened up a drawer and got out a small, square package, which he tore open. From it fell a small, round rubbery thing. A condom. A condom for when he was going to –

She stopped dead when she remembered something.

'Oh, _fuck_,' she groaned, taking her hands away from his crotch to bury her face.

'What?' he asked, a bewildered look on his face. She vaguely noticed he had a bruise in his neck – a hickey. This made her wonder if she had any. But no, brain, focus, there were more important things then hickeys at the moment.

Like her period.

'I've my period,' she said. Beneath her hands, her cheeks became tomato red.

Sirius grimaced. 'Oh. Still heavily, or…?'

'Yes, kind of. It… It started yesterday,' she said, wondering why she could not just _die_. So much for having sex. 'So right now it would be kind of… nasty if we were to… you k now.'

He nodded. 'Rather… Ah, shit man.' He looked at the condom, which was staring back at him with a reproachful look in his rubberness. 'I guess we'll just have to wait, then…'

'I suppose so.' She ran a hand through her hair, trying to look at Sirius's face rather than his torso. 'But in a couple of days I should be fine…'

'Then in a couple of days, we could try again,' he said, leaning over to kiss her again. 'If you can wait that long, that is. I can imagine I'm rather irresistible.' He crocked an eyebrow, which looked so sexy Lexi considered to just _fuck _her period – and Sirius, obviously.

'I think I can manage a few days,' she said. She did not really think so.

This was going to be hard.

* * *

><p><strong>An: I know it's rather short, it's the 'sex scene'. Very weird to write something like that. Poor Lexi, having a gorgeous man wanting to have sex with her, how does she survive? Review please!**


	18. Letters

Hogwarts Castle, 2 december 1977

Dear mum,

Sorry I haven't written you in a while, it's just that everything's been so hectic lately, with school and everything. I'd never thought my NEWT-year would be so demanding. My grades are still good, though; I had a slip a couple of weeks ago, but I'm back on it again, I don't think my grades have ever been this good.

That's probably because I've someone helping me with my homework now, Sirius Black. He's top of our class, so he's a great aid, especially in Transfiguration, you know how much difficulty I have with that. But he explains everything very clearly, so yay for him (and my grades, who love him about as much as you would).

And now about something completely different (yes, I miss them when I'm not at home): my period's been kind of… strange lately, coming late or early or not at all, and the PMS is insufferable. So I was wondering if maybe I should start taking the pill? I'm not sure if I can survive womanhood if it stays this inconsistent.

How are things at home? Is there any more news on your promotion? Still together with Stan? I can't wait to hear from you.

Love,

Alexandra.

* * *

><p>Brighton, 4 december, 1977<p>

Dear Alexandra,

I'm glad things are going so well in school, it's great to know my daughter is so focused. I never thought you needed it, but if those tutoring-sessions are helping you, then I'm glad you took the initiative. Thank that Sirius Black boy for me, though I should warn you that you should not become _too _friendly with him. You are still young, after all, and you've a career to think about first. Speaking of which, let's see about the pill when you get home for Christmas, all right?

Things at home are as always. I didn't get the promotion, Katie did. I've probably told you about her before; she's that young, blond thing the boss loves because of her big breasts. Men. They never value women because of what they _can _do, it's always what we look like that's important to them.

You might wonder why I'm sounding so bitter. It's Stan, I kicked him out. Do you know what the bastard was doing? Taking drugs. In my bedroom. And I don't mean marihuana or something like that, no, he was taking _ecstasy. _He said he was so sorry, that he'd never do it again, but those are the men you have to look out for. They _always _say things will be better, that they'll change _just _for you, but they don't. Stay away from them, darling. Life is too short to waste it on stupid men.

I hope to hear from you soon, I miss you too.

Love,

Mum.

* * *

><p>Hogwarts Castle, 8th December 1977<p>

Dear mum,

What a shame about your promotion! But hey, new rounds, new chances, right? I'm sure that soon they'll appreciate how wonderful you are and give you the credit you deserve. If anything, you're the best mum in the world, and I'd give you a promotion if I could.

Remember that boy I told you about in my last letter? Sirius Black? Well, mum, the incredible has happened, he's become my boyfriend. Yes, you heard it right, Mr. Top-of-the-class, tutoring poor me, about to be an Auror (one of the highest jobs you can have in the magical world, only _very _skilled wizards and witches are admitted to the training), is now my boyfriend! Of course, we still spend most of our time studying, seeing as I need it for normal grades and he needs to keep his wonderful ones, but it's nice to have someone giving me special attention. I'm sure you'll like him: not only is he the smartest wizard in our year, he knows a lot about Muggle culture as well; he can quote Ovid!

He has great friends, too, who are very smart as well. James Potter, Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew; James and Remus are also _outrageously_ smart, I'm sure I've told you about Remus once or twice. He is that boy in Ancient Runes who could helped me out in sixth year when I was having so much trouble with the irregular tenses in Warnuk's texts. He and his friends are a bit nerds, always studying (hence the grades), but studying with them is far better than doing so on my own.

I've still got a translation to finish, so this is the end of my letter. Can't wait to see you again.

Love,

Alexandra

* * *

><p>Brighton, 9th of December, 1977<p>

Alexandra,

You have a boyfriend? Sweetheart, I do hope I do not need to remind you of all the reasons why having a boyfriend at your age is one of the stupidest things you can do. You are too young, you still need to build your career, and really, at your age, boys are hardly more than children. I'm glad you focus on your education so much, but I can imagine they are distracting, so I'd rather you did your homework alone, at the very least. Also, I hope that you know not to go any further than kissing with this boy; getting knocked-up at your age is the kiss of death to whatever job you hoped to get. Believe me, I know. 'No' is 'no' – make sure that Black knows it.

Your mother.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: A short chapter to let her mother know what's going on. Luckily for her mother, soon she won't have to worry anymore. **


	19. Chapter 17

'Let's not do this in public,' said James, who looked around the Common Room. Though some students were trying to keep up appearances, it was obvious everyone was staring at the Marauders and Lexi. The only ones who seemed oblivious were two first-years, who were chasing each other and screaming, until a fifth year glared at them.

Without replying, Sirius turned around and walked out of the portrait hole; he opened it so violently the Fat Lady let out a small shriek.

'Shit,' Lexi said, glancing at Remus, who appeared to be very nervous. He sent her a small smile.

'Here we go,' he said, before following Sirius, James and Peter out to the corridor. Lexi went after him; they walked in silence to one of the empty classrooms on the seventh floor. Though Sirius's loud vociferation had not been fun, it was preferable to the silent anger he was now emitting. Each reverberating footstep sounded ominous in the near-darkness.

She was last to enter the classroom. Not deeming her classmates above eavesdropping, Lexi closed the door and turned around just in time to see Sirius restarting his outburst.

'You _knew?_ _All _of you _knew_?' he nearly shouted. 'And none of you thought, "Hey, maybe – just _maybe _– I should tell Sirius that his brother is being brainwashed by Bellatrix bloody Black"? Maybe he might be interested to hear something like that, maybe it - '

'Sirius, mate,' said James, 'We did, it just – you would've - '

'I would've what? Cared? Oh, because _that _would've been - '

'You would've got yourself in trouble! And I don't just mean detention,' James added, when Sirius scoffed. 'Bellatrix was not joking - '

Sirius threw his hands in the air. 'Exactly! All the more reason to tell me, I'd reckon! If it was just a game, she'd leave Reg alone, but if they're sneaking out together - '

'Then it's not something you should interfere in!' James was starting to shout, too; his glasses slid down to the tip of his nose and he pushed them back impatiently. 'I know you think it's your duty to protect him, but he can look after himself and you shouldn't go around - '

'YES I SHOULD!'

It was probably just because the sentence was so short, but Lexi could not help but notice that this was the first time one of the boys was not interrupted by the other. How were they supposed to come to an agreement if they did not let each other finish?

Sirius continued, 'I'm his brother, and the _only_ other sane member of the family. If I don't protect him, who will?' His shoulders slumped.

Beside Lexi, Remus stepped forward. 'Sirius, I don't think Regulus wants your protection. Maybe we should have told you,' he said, ignoring Sirius's eye-roll, 'but it remains a fact that he is almost off age now, it was none of our business and frankly, I don't think it's yours anymore, either. If he wanted your help, he would've asked for it.'

Lexi jumped up as Sirius slammed his fist on one of the tables. 'No, he wouldn't, because he'd be afraid I'd say no! Or – or he'd think he'd get into trouble, or – there are so many reasons why he wouldn't, when he wants to.'

'And maybe those reasons are valid,' said Remus calmly. 'You don't know the entire story, maybe they are not forcing him at all - '

The look Sirius sent him shut him up; James, however, spoke up again.

'If anything, I think you should talk it over with him before you do anything rash.'

Sirius raised his eyebrows. 'Never thought I'd hear you say that, Prongs,' he remarked. 'First telling me I might get in trouble, now this; what _has _happened to you?'

'Sirius,' said Remus sharply, when James's jaw tightened and he stepped forward. 'Don't take it out on James. He's right and you know it.'

'Fine,' Sirius said icily. 'Well, I'll go and talk to him then, won't I?' He stalked off, everything in his body language telling them to stay away: the returned tension in his shoulder, his hand, clenched into a fist, his veins standing out sharply against his pale skin.

In the doorway, he stopped and turned towards Lexi. 'I would've thought _you _would tell me,' he said, shaking his head. 'I thought I could trust you.' Not giving her a chance to reply, he turned again and ran off, leaving the rest of the Marauders and his girlfriend in the empty classroom.

'That went… worse than expected,' James finally said. He pulled one of the chairs away from its desk and sat on it, backwards, his forearms resting on the chairs backrest. He looked very tired in the little light that entered through the door. 'It'd be a bad idea to go after him, wouldn't it?'

'Very bad,' Remus nodded, leaning against one of the tables, while Peter took the accompanying chair. 'What is it with those Blacks that they're so temperamental?'

'Probably the incest,' said Peter, which caused James to snort.

'I wouldn't laugh, it might be true,' Remus said, though he could not hide a smile. 'I just hope he doesn't run into Bellatrix along the way… Has he got the Map on him?'

James shook his head. He reached into his robes and took out the big piece of parchment Lexi had already got to know quite well. James took his wand and softly tipped the Map. 'I solemnly swear I'm up to no good.'

As soon as the Map had finished revealing itself, James, Peter, Remus and Lexi examined it, looking for a small dot that said 'Sirius Black'. Lexi was the one who found it, on the stairs between the fourth and third floor, hastily going down.

'Think he's going to the dungeons?' Peter wondered.

'Probably,' said James. 'Shit, I think I'll go there, too, before he hexes someone into tell him where Regulus is… Or _does _walk into Bella. Or anyone else he dislikes.' He sighed and got up, but not after tipping the Map again and saying, 'Mischief managed.' He folded up the empty Map and put it back inside his pocket. 'If Lily wonders where I am, tell her that in my mind, I'm always with her.'

'I'm sure she'll think it a satisfying answer,' said Remus. 'But what if she does ask for more information?'

'Then I'm keeping Sirius out of trouble. She should be proud of me, she's been telling me to do that all year long.' James rolled his eyes, as if to say 'women!' and then left through the door, his black robes billowing behind him.

'He always looks so determined when he walks like that,' Peter said, cocking his head. 'Wish I could do that.'

'Ah, you've got other talents, Pete,' said Remus. Glancing at his watch, he said, 'I'm going to the library, I think. Does either of you care to join me?'

Lexi shook his head. She watched as Remus and Peter left as well, and then moved to take James's vacant seat.

_I thought I could trust you_.

_But you can_, she thought, wincing as she thought of his words. _You can!_

She wondered if the Marauders were right in leaving Sirius alone. Maybe what he really wanted right now was someone to comfort him? But then again, James was downstairs in the dungeons now, too; he knew Sirius better, maybe he would be more suited for the role of comforting.

After a while, she got cold and decided there was no need for her to stay here. Rubbing her arms to keep herself warm, she went back to the Common Room. When she entered, her eyes scanned the room, but the only Marauder she saw was Peter. She briefly contemplated checking out the boys' dormitory, but decided against it, seeing as she had no idea what she would do if Sirius _was _there.

She went to her own dormitory and, after she had changed into her comfy pyjamas, she crawled into her bed with Jane Austen's _Persuasion_ to keep her company. Captain Wentworth was, after all, the only man who could rival Sirius in perfection.

After about an hour or so, she heard Lily and Alice entering the dormitory, but neither of them stopped to make a talk. From their conversation Lexi was able to deduce Emma would not be staying with them tonight, seeing as she had found herself a new beau.

Engrossed as she was in the book, she forgot the time, so when around midnight a small piece of parchment sneaked through her curtains and starting fluttering around her head, she was surprised to discover how tired she was. Also, it was the first time a piece of parchment sought interaction with her, another surprise.

It looked a lot like a small, very hyper bird as it hovered around her head, fluttering its little parchment wings. It reminded her strongly of an owl that wanted to deliver a mes –

_Whow. I _am _retarded_, she thought, slapping her forehead with the palm of her hand. With the other, she grabbed the flying parchment from the air, only to discover that it was, indeed, a message. She smoothed the parchment, which had got crumpled from the flying, and read,

_I feel like crap. Please come over? S._

She did not have to think about the answer. Pushing aside the duvet, she swung her legs out of bed. When her feet touched the icy cold floor, she briefly considered putting on socks. But the way to Sirius's bed was not long, she would survive that small distance without her feet freezing off. She hoped.

Quietly, feeling as if she was answering to a booty call, she sneaked out of the dormitory. The Common Room was empty, of course, the remains of the fire burning half-heartedly in the fireplace. Lexi nearly stumbled over one of the chairs she had not seen in the dark, but other than that she made it to the boys' dormitory without any harm.

In the dormitory, she was met with a loud snore, which came from Remus and Peter's side of the room. Although all the four poster beds had their curtains closed, she knew which one was Sirius's. Her naked feet moved noiselessly towards it.

'Sirius?' she whispered.

The curtain was drawn aside. In the little light there was, she saw his familiar face, though it looked more haunted and upset than she had ever seen it. Still, he managed a small smile when he saw her. 'I wasn't sure you'd come,' he said, moving aside so there was place for her.

'Of course I would,' she said, climbing in with him. The ease and familiarity with which he put his arms around her, were more warming than the duvet could ever be. She softly kissed him on his cheek. 'Where've you been?'

'Outside,' he said. 'Thinking.'

'About Regulus?'

'Among other things, yes. ' His hands started toying with her hair, and for a while, they just lay there in silence. Lexi felt her eyelids dropping. Then Sirius said, 'I was wondering why you didn't tell me.'

Immediately, she was fully awake. 'Oh,' she said, ignoring the feeling of guilt in her stomach. 'Is that so?'

'Yes. So now might be a moment to tell me.'

So much for her hope this would be a romantic, comforting rendezvous. 'Well, ah…'

'Because you knew I was worried about him,' he continued. 'I'd think that's a good reason to tell someone their brother is being manipulated by a bunch of filthy Death Eaters.' His hand, that was still holding her hair, clenched into a fist. When Lexi let out a small yelp, he released her hair. 'Sorry,' he said quickly, startled. 'I just get a bit… stressed when I think about them.'

'So I've noticed,' she said.

'I'm sorry,' he said again, his lips unexpectedly close to her ear. 'I didn't mean to hurt you. I just… Merlin, I don't know, I feel so messed up right now.' She did not see his face, but she could imagine what he looked like, with his eyes closed, his brow furrowed. 'Why didn't anyone tell me?'

'I don't know,' she said. 'I just know that I did it because I didn't want to see you hurt, and Remus said we couldn't do anything about it anyway, so I thought… I don't know what I thought. I should've told you, I know, I just… didn't. And I'm sorry for that.' Silence. 'Are you angry with me?'

He took a deep breath. 'No, I'm not. I'm angry with Bella and Thomas, for being the useless pieces of shite they are, and I'm angry with Regulus, for listening to them, I'm angry with James for not hitting me when I nearly attacked Snivellus again, but I'm not angry with you.' In the dark, he pulled her closer, so she was suddenly very aware of the fact the both of them were only wearing their pyjamas. 'I understand why you didn't tell me. I'm not saying I like it, but I think I might've done the same if I were you.'

'The road to hell is paved with good intentions,' said Lexi.

'Ah well, I wouldn't want to go to heaven anyway – I wouldn't know anyone there.' He chuckled and kissed her under her ear. 'Sorry to have woken you, by the way.'

'That's all right, I was awake anyway. I'm not looking forward to going back, though,' she said, wincing at the thought of facing the cold floor again.

She could hear the grin in his voice when he said, 'Aren't you lucky then that my bed appears to be big enough for the both of us?'


	20. Chapter 18

'No, Lexi, please don't leave me!' said Sirius. He grabbed her around her waist to restrain her. 'I can't survive without you, my life would be one endless concatenation of loneliness and despair without you, how will I cope if you're not there to soften the misery, who will I turn to in my hour of need?'

She rolled her eyes, but could not suppress a grin. 'You think your hour of need is due the next three hours or so?'

'If I say yes, will you stay with us?'

'No, I'll tell you it'd only make you stronger to face it on your own.' She pushed his arms away, while pondering if maybe if she just did her homework tonight… 'Really, Sirius, some of us need to work for their grades. You could help me, if you want to?'

This appeared to be enough to put him off; he staggered backwards, as if she had physically threatened him. 'Lexi, I've already spent more time in the library than is healthy, because of you. I can't expose myself to that room too much – my looks might suffer from it.'

'Hey, thanks mate,' called Remus, who was slapped on the back by a grinning James.

Sirius shrugged and rested his pleading eyes on Lexi once more. She had once heard him say that he hardly ever used that, because girls were usually too baffled by his general appearance to deny him anything; but when he put on his lost-puppy look, they always gave in. Now, she could imagine why. 'Please, Lexi?'

'Sirius,' she groaned. 'Don't do that, it's cheating.'

'Yes, but if it works…'

'That boy has about as much maturity as a five-year-old,' Remus muttered.

'No, by then most people know cheating is wrong,' said Peter.

´And it's not even working,' said Lexi, who stood on her toes to kiss Sirius on his cheek. ´I'll see you at dinner, until then you've your friends to help you in case the emptiness of a Lexi-less existence becomes too much for you to bear.'

'If I die of loneliness, it'll be your fault!' he called, as she walked away. She put up her hand to let him know she heard him and walked to the library, proud of herself for resisting temptation. In the library, she got out her books and started on her Arithmancy essay. It was a Friday afternoon, so the majority of students were out celebrating the weekend. Then again, the majority of students were not in their NEWT year.

After about three hours, she decided she had done enough for one afternoon; it was time for dinner. As she tried to decide what she was going to eat tonight, she put away the books and left the library. The halls, like the library, were as good as empty, since everyone was at dinner. Still, she decided she would take one of the lesser-known shortcuts. She really was quite hungry.

She walked past the portrait of Sir Cadogan, who offered to protect her and followed her until she reached the tapestry behind which she knew a secret corridor was.

'Fair lady, do not fear, I know my way around this castle! The rascal that has captured thee will not hurt thee here, not whilst Sir Cadogan is here to protect you!'

'Thank you, but I'm really fine,' she said, pushing aside the tapestry. 'If I ever need your help, I'll let you know, though.' Before he could say any more, she slipped through the narrow passage, into a dark, unlit corridor. She took out her wand, whispered, '_Lumos_' and briskly made her way to the other end, which stopped almost next to the Great Hall.

These empty corridors never ceased to amaze her; the feeling that no one else knew they were here, the knowledge these hallways were almost never entered. It more than made up for the lack of torches or decoration, although she had to admit she would like some heat. Her breath came out in small puffs, and, entranced as she was by blowing into the air and seeing her breath, it took her a while to notice something was wrong.

She thought she heard something. She stopped and cocked her head, her ears focused. It sounded like… Heavy breathing. Not _her _heavy breathing, obviously, but… two people's heavy breathing. Great, she had walked in on a snogging couple. So much for her fantasies of being the only one here.

Disappointed, she continued walking. When she rounded a corner, she saw the two lovers. One of them was Elaine Lagerloff, who, even on her high heels, was still more than a head shorter than the boy she was kissing. A boy that seemed very familiar, yet it took Lexi longer than it should to realize whose neck Elaine's arms were wrapped around.

'Sirius?' she asked, in utter confusion.

The couple broke apart; Sirius, his hands still on Elaine's waist, stared at Lexi, his mouth hanging a bit open. He blinked a couple of times before croaking, 'Lexi? Hey. Er, hello.' He took his hands away from Elaine and put them in his robes' pockets. 'How are you doing?'

Lexi was still unable to wrap her mind around what she was seeing; that was probably the only thing that kept her from being angry. You could not be angry when you were stupefied by incomprehension, after all. 'What… are you doing?' she finally said, looking from him to Elaine.

'What did it look like, Chilcott?' said Elaine, crossing her arms in a bored way. 'We were kissing. Seems rather obvious to me, really.'

'I wasn't asking you,' Lexi said. Within her, she could slowly feel the bewilderment turning into something else: fear. Pain. Anger. 'Sirius, what is - ?'

Uncomfortable, he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. 'Elaine, could you leave us, please?' he said, not looking at her or Lexi.

'Fine,' she said. 'I'll leave you alone with your _girlfriend_, then. But hey, if you need me, I'll be in the Great Hall. Bye, Sirius.' She sent him a minxy smile before she stalked off, her hips swaying in a way that told Lexi she hoped Sirius was watching. He was not, though. He was watching Lexi, opening and closing his mouth, until finally he said, 'Well, er, that was awkward.'

'Awkward?' said Lexi. 'I walk in on you snogging someone else and the best you can come up with is "awkward"? What about, oh, I don't know, "a very jerkish thing of me to do" or "horrible"' or "I have no words for it, she put a spell on me", or – or – anything other than… _Awkward_? Really, Sirius? _Awkward_?' Her gaze was blurred by the tears that sprang up. 'That's the best you can give me?'

'I – I – didn't – oh, Merlin, Lexi, are you crying?' he asked, sounding nothing less than frightened when he caught her blinking ferociously. 'Please don't cry, I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd mind - '

'You thought I wouldn't… You thought I wouldn't mind if you cheated on me?' she said, with a small, humourless laugh. 'How on earth did you get _that _ridiculous – why would you – why on earth wouldn't I mind, for fuck's sake?' Those last words lost their strength, her jaw wobbled to much for her to spit them out like she wanted to.

'Because – you know, we… we're not… You know why we got together, I thought… If you don't really fancy me anyway, then you won't mind if… I… You know, once in a while… get my fruit from another greengrocer, you know?'

The hand, in which she was holding her wand, shook, so the light cast on Sirius trembled, his features changing so quickly they were hardly discernible as Sirius's.

'Get you fruit from… I…' She did not even know what to reply to that. He liked to still… Oh. Great. Before she even realized she had thought it, she asked, 'So does this mean you go "shopping" often? Always with Elaine, or – or are there – others?'

The way he bit his lip and did not answer, was clear enough.

Lexi choked back the knot in het throat. 'Oh,' she said. 'Oh, I see. And those others, who were they? When did it start?' The moment she said it, she wanted to bite off her tongue. She did not want to know this. What was the point of her rubbing salt in the wounds?

'Lexi…' he said, shaking his head. 'Does it really matter?'

'No. No, I guess it doesn't matter whether you've two-timed me _all _the time, or maybe just the last month, why would I care about something like that? They're just details anyway, right?' A tear rolled down her cheek, which she swiped away angrily with her sleeve. 'I thought… I thought you… I don't know, _cared _about me.' Another tear escaped, but this time, she let it run down.

Within a second, he was standing in front of her, his hands on her shoulders. 'I do. Really. This was just… It was just kissing,' he said. 'It didn't mean anything.'

'Oh, and the other times?' she asked, shoving him away. 'Or the times with me, for that matter. Did _those _mean anything?'

'Yes!' He stepped towards her again, but she held up her wand, and he stopped. 'Lexi, really, you are – it did mean something. I mean, with Elaine, I… I don't know anything about her. She's nothing. But with you, I can talk and laugh and - '

'That you treat those other girls even worse does not mean this isn't a shitty way of treating me,' she snapped.

'No, I know that, but you don't… you don't get it. This is just… nothing, that's why I didn't think you'd mind. I mean, it's not as if we are really in love with each other, right?' He sent her a hopeful look; his face fell, however, when he saw her expression.

'We're not?' she asked, her voice thick with tears. 'Couldn't you have told me that before?'

'Oh shit. Lexi, I'm so sorry,' he said. He approached her again, and this time she did not push him away, not even when he put his arms around her. 'I thought you'd know… I didn't think you'd grow to… I'm so sorry, if I'd known, I would've…'

'Broken it off with me sooner?' she suggested. 'Been honest with me? All those times when you – when you told me I was – g-great and f-f-funny, that was all just -' She tried to make a gesture, but her arms would not cooperate and she let them hang by her side. It did not matter, anyway.

He ran his hands up and down her back as he said, 'No, I really did mean it. You _are _great, a great friend and wonderful to hang out with, I just… I'm not made for monogamous relationships. It doesn't mean that I didn't mean everything I said, it just… it was a bit of a misunderstanding.'

'A bit off? That might be a bit of an understatement,' she said. 'Why can't you just… I wanted you to…' She did not know what she wanted to. Burying her face against his shoulder, she let the tears run freely, her body shaking with her sobs, while Sirius tried to soothe her.

After a while – it could be five minutes, it could be an hour, Lexi had no idea – she stepped away from him, brushing away her tears.

'Lexi, I'm so sorry,' Sirius said again. He had a wet spot on his robes, where her face had been. 'I'm so, _so _sorry.'

'I don't want you to say you're sorry,' she hiccupped.

'Then what _do _you want me to say?'

She looked up, into his grey eyes, which looked more beautiful yet more treacherous than ever. 'I want you to lie to me,' she said. 'Say that this was just some stupid figment of my imagination. That Elaine is just a stupid slut. That you do love me.'

But even as she spoke, he shook his head. 'I can't. I suppose I should've been honest from the start. I wasn't, and I'm very sorry, but…'

'But that's the way it is, I guess,' she said. She took a deep breath to steady herself. 'I… I think I want to be alone for a while, if you don't mind.'

'No, I get it,' he said. He pondered for a moment, before he gave her a kiss on her forehead. 'If you want to see me, or not, or anything, just let me know, okay? Just… you know, in case you want me to stay away… Know that you really are a great friend and you'd be a wonderful girlfriend for someone who isn't as fucked-up as me.' He smiled, but she did not return it, and when he left, she did not look after him.

The moment she could no longer hear his footsteps, she leant into the wall and let herself slide down, until she was sitting on the ground. Burying her face against her knees, she cried like she had never cried before; not when her father had left them, not when she and Sirius had had a fight, not just now, when Sirius was there to comfort her. She felt as if her heart was breaking – not in the figurative way, but _actual _heartbreak. She could feel it like a ripping sensation through her chest, and every sob deepened the cut.

It was all a scam. All of it. He had not really cared, it was just to prove to the rest he could have a girlfriend. And who else would be stupid enough to fall for it? Other girls would probably have realized after a week that something was wrong. Hell, even Thomas de Courcy had known; with sudden clarity, she remembered the first time she had spoken to him, and he had made those cryptic remarks about Sirius. Of course he knew Sirius was cheating on her. Had she really been so blind?

After what seemed like hours, she got up. Her head hurt, her tears had stopped flowing ages ago, she felt utterly exhausted. She hovered in the darkness; she did not want to leave this corridor: outside, there would be other students. Would everybody already know what had happened? She had no difficulty imagining what they would think. 'There goes that Alexandra Chilcott. Can you imagine she actually thought Sirius Black liked her? What an eejit.'

Finally, telling herself she could hardly _live _here (though the prospect seemed appealing; she might never see Sirius _or _Elaine again!), she left through the same way she had gone. When she got back into the known hallways, Sir Cadogan cheered.

'Fair Lady, you have returned! But what is that I see on your face? Tears? Do not cry, fair maiden, for I will avenge you!' He got out his sword and wielded it in the air, until it became to heavy and he let it drop.

Even the thought of Sirius being harassed by a pathetic paining was not enough to cheer her up. 'Leave ma alone,' she said, and without waiting for his answer, she hurried off, not pausing until she had reached the sanctity of her bed.


	21. Chapter 19

Dear diary,

My life is awful. Waiting for it to end.

Love,

* * *

><p>Dear diary,<p>

No improvement today.

Goodnight.

* * *

><p>Dear diary,<p>

Still feeling like world has ended, so no improvement there. Maybe should get a pet?

Bye,

* * *

><p>Dear diary,<p>

I'm not sure if this is improvement, since it has been happening since the start, but since ignoring it doesn't help, I'll acknowledge it by writing it down. You see, despite his promise, Sirius B., jerkass extraordinaire, filthy fucker, may his penis be covered in warts, has been seeking contact with me. Trying to talk to me after class, sending me notes, sending me his friends, that kind of thing. I can't be bothered with throwing those notes away, so now I've this huge pile of 'I'm sorry' and 'Please talk to me' notes lying around my bed. I can't wait for the holidays to start; he can hardly bother me when I'm at home.

I think. Then again, he _is_Sirius B., jerkass extraordinaire, filthy fucker, may his penis be covered in warts (maybe I should look up that spell?). He'd probably find a way, if he really wanted to. Stupid wanker.

Like my previous entries might've made you see, my life is kind of a big pile of shit at the moment. You know, Sirius Black, jerkass extraordinaire, filthy fucker, may his penis be covered in warts, who turned out to be lying to me all the time, the friends I thought I had choosing him (naturally, they were his friends first, and they only put up with me because of him anyway), and now I can't just be ignored by the rest of Hogwarts, the way I used to be. No, now all those girls, all those fan girls of his have to gloat when they see me and whisper things, except that they make sure they whisper loud enough so I can hear what they're talking about. Like I'm the first girl he's ever dumped – like he hasn't dumped _all__of__them_at least twice, maybe three times. But no, because we were 'together' for two and a half months rather than three days, it's perfectly acceptable to gossip about me.

Bitches.

Thank God for mum, she really is my saviour. She wasn't angry at all when I wrote her, but very understanding. Then again, she knows how I feel and… Wow, now I think about it, men really _are_crap. First they treat my mum like shit, now me, and they all expect us to just put up with it. Stupid fuckers. Worthless wankers, all of them. I guess I should've taken mum's words for it when she told me they weren't worth my time.

Anyway, I do hope Sirius – filthy fucker, etc. - gives up on this reconciliation thing soon. If he feels guilty, then I'm not going to make him feel better by saying 'Oh, no, don't worry, I'm fine with you lying and two-timing all this time, no biggie!' I hope his guilt swallows him _whole_. And leaves those warts on his penis. Let's see how many fruit he can buy when his cucumber looks like that, eh? Or maybe I should bribe James into giving me that spell they used on Thomas de Courcy… Then Sirius – jerkass extraordinaire, filthy fucker, may his penis be covered in warts – would really have to go to the greengrocer. Then again, if I asked James for it now, he'd probably know who I'm going to use it on. Damn.

And here's another note. The awful thing is that it looks so much like the one he sent me a week ago, asking me to comfort him. I just don't get why he bothered with that if I didn't mean anything to him, anyway. Couldn't _Elaine_do it for him? Oh, right, those girls don't mean anything to him. You know, it doesn't really matter if he makes out with them, or more, because they don't have any brains anyway, they're completely interchangeable. Yes, Sirius, (jerkass extraordinaire, etc.) that's really what you need to tell your girlfriend when she catches you _in__flagrante__delicto_. Only to let it be followed by, 'Oh, but we didn't really fancy each other, did we?' FILTHY WANKER FIJA;FJSKF;JAJFIJL.

I'm not sure if this self-therapy-by-writing-it-down is helping. I feel like I might be getting a bit frustrated. Well, only three more days until I can go home, and then I don't have to see his face for two whole weeks.

I am not sure if I can do that. I miss him already.

I need to grow a backbone.

And stop being so bipolar. Okay, time for the mantra.

I, Alexandra Chilcott, do not need a man to find fulfilment in my life. I am an independent, wonderful woman who is about to start a wonderful life, with a flourishing career, great friends and the best mother in the world. Men are unnecessary – we have sperm banks nowadays. Sirius will get prematurely bald. I, Alexandra Chilcott, do not need a man to find fulfilment in my life.

And now I'm going to finish my homework.

Love,

* * *

><p>'Piss off,' she said, without glancing up to check who it was, when someone pulled away the chair next to hers. It did not matter who did it; there was no one she wanted to talk to now.<p>

She waited for the person to sod off and die, but unfortunately he did no such thing. Instead, he started to talk. 'Hey,' Remus Lupin said, sounding very uncomfortable.

'Bye,' she said. She tipped her quill in her ink and drew a thick, dark line at the bottom of the page in her diary. She had been about to get up and get her books, but if she moved, Remus might see it as encouragement. But then again, she was not going to make her homework wait; what did it matter what Remus thought, anyway? It was not like she was going to listen to him, regardless what he might say.

She got up, making sure her chair scraped loudly across the floor. She could feel his eyes on her as she moved towards the shelves and got three books on human transfiguration. He did not speak until she sat down again and started flipping through the book.

'How are you doing?' he asked.

'Oh, you know, peachy. Everything's just been wonderful lately,' she said. 'Like I said, Remus, piss off. I'm not interested in what you have to say.' She found a page that looked promising and started reading. Useful as the information was, it was not enough to distract het from Remus, who gave her a strange, indecipherable look.

'Listen, I know he's treated you badly - '

Her hand landed on the book with a thud. 'Yes, you can say that,' she snapped.

'But he is really sorry,' he said. 'Really, he'd apologise a thousand times if he thought it would make you feel better. And coming from Sirius, that is saying something. He just really didn't think you'd fall in love with him.'

'Thought wrong then, didn't he?'

'Yes, he did,' said Remus. 'And even if you didn't like him, he still shouldn't've done it, of course, but if you'd just talk to him - '

'Then I'd lose the little self respect I still have,' she said. 'And Sirius is not worth that, he's made that obvious enough. Remus, it doesn't matter what you're going to say, I won't listen. Sirius is a stupid, lying, cheating bastard and he can go fuck himself – or Elaine Lagerloff, for that matter. I won't care. You can tell him that.' She put as much hatred in her voice as she could, yet when she thought of Sirius actually lying in bed with Elaine, she felt that now-familiar stab of pain in her chest again. She let her eyes wander over her diary entry, taking in her mantra. She did not need a man – and definitely not one like Sirius.

Remus groaned. 'But he doesn't want to, he wants you. Really, Lexi - '

At that moment, something inside her snapped. She got up so quickly her chair fell back; towering over Remus, who looked quite shocked, she hissed, '_Don__'__t_call me Lexi. I'm Alexandra, or Chilcott. I'm not Lexi anymore.' She grabbed her back and shoved her books in it, deciding she would write her essay in her dormitory.

'You're not… But…' said Remus, lost for words. 'Le – Alex, I get that you're angry with Sirius, but – you know, you can still be friends with us, if you want to…' His voice died away when he caught her angry expression.

'You don't have to pretend anymore, Remus,' she said. 'I'm not so stupid as to fall for the same trick twice. Why don't you Marauders find another girl to mess with? 'Cause you're _done_playing with me.' She still had two books to pack, but decided they did not matter, and stalked off, She heard Remus call her name, but did not respond. He, like Sirius, could die for all she cared right now.

She made it to her bed before she burst out crying again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: A short chapter, but I wanted to give you something before I leave to Oxford for four days tomorrow. I'll be back Friday evening & hope to post something again on Saturday. Thank you for your reviews, I'd never thought Sirius's deed of nastiness would provoke such strong feelings, haha. Anyway, happy Sinterklaas everybody**!


	22. Chapter 20

'And I had an O on my translation, can you imagine? I thought it had gone so bad, but then again, I guess that's one of the perks of having no life anymore. I do wonder why my grades are better now than before The Episode? Maybe my brain needed that to become a real woman and it only now started working properly. What do you think?'

Two dark eyes stared back at her.

'Yeah, you're right, that might be rubbish. Maybe the teachers pity me. Then again, I doubt McGonagall would do that, even if I were the saddest person in the world. Really, Charlie, you should be glad she's not your teacher. She's great, and super intelligent, and generally awesome – really, I wouldn't want her to be angry with me – but she can be so scary and intimidating sometimes, you know?'

Charlie said nothing; if anything, the dark eyes got a strange, enigmatic sheen over them.

'I'm so glad I've got you to talk to,' Alexandra sighed. She stroked Charlie's leg. 'Never thought Mum would come up with something like you.'

It had been a month since Alexandra's fight with Remus; a month filled with tears, Christmas and more comfort food than ever. In fact, Alexandra had eaten so much lately, her clothes started to become a bit tight. Not that that mattered to Charlie, who loved her just the way she was.

Charlie had been her mother's idea. When the end of the Christmas vacation came near, which meant her mother would soon not have been able to comfort her. So when her mother came home from work one day, holding a package, Alexandra half expected it to be some sort of huge chocolate bar even she would have trouble consuming. But it was better than that: it was Charlie.

Charlie was a hamster.

A stuffed hamster.

Also, Charlie did not have a sex. Alexandra had had some difficulty deciding whether it was a boy or a girl – she did not need a man, but both she and her mother agreed Charlie looked decidedly un-feminine – so she named it Charlie. That way, if she suddenly discovered Charlie's sex, it would not have to change its name.

Charlie was also her best friend at the moment. The one who listened to her when she felt her heart was breaking all over again, the one who agreed with her when she called Sirius a bastard (not to his face) because he had got a new girl, the one who held her warm at night. In many ways, Charlie was a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time; probably because it was unisex.

'Anyway, I know what you are thinking,' said Alexandra, who reluctantly picked up her quill again. 'Time to get back to work. Because what better way to show Sirius what he has been missing, than by becoming a super successful, generally awesome witch? And yes,' she added, poking Charlie in its belly with her finger, 'I know I shouldn't derive my self image or respect from what Sirius might think of me. Sorry for that. Won't do it again. And now: back to the effects of full-body transfiguration!'

For a couple of minutes, the only sound in the library was the sound of her quill scratching along the parchment. It was late already, and a Friday night at that, so most of Hogwarts had better things to do than their homework. That was all right with Alexandra, though; she did not only want to show Sirius how wonderful she could be. She was going to have a spectacular, unheard-of magical career, just to be able to tell them 'ha-ha!' to their face.

It did not escape her that this was a very childish thought.

Just as she was re-reading her last paragraphs, she was distracted. It was voices that caught her attention. She groaned, thinking it was Mrs. Pince, about to tell her she had to leave; but hardly had she had time to put away her quill when she realized that this was not Mrs. Pince, unless she had suddenly changed into several men.

Then again, in Hogwarts, that was not entirely impossible.

The chance that the librarian had turned into Severus Snape, however, seemed quite small to Alexandra, who reconsidered leaving. It was about ten o'clock anyway; she might as well go to bed and finish her essay tomorrow. No need to –

Hold on.

Did he just say 'Sirius Black', from the mouth of Severus Snape?

Knowing she should not and that it was no longer any of her business, Alexandra's interested was awakened. She sat very still, waiting for Snape to continue whatever it was that he was about to say; but it was Thomas de Courcy who spoke.

'So you're going to curse Sirius Black – what else is new? Isn't that what you've been doing for the past six years?'

'Yes,' said Snape impatiently, 'But this time, there is a new spell I came up with a couple of months ago. I'd quite like to use it on someone – like Black, although I suppose Potter would do as well…'

'… You _came up _with a spell? Really, Snape, you need to find yourself a girl,' said De Courcy, sounding both impressed and bored. 'I don't know how you do it, this celibacy. What does the spell do? Please tell me it turns his penis into an olive, I'd love to see that. His balls could be turned into macadamia nuts…'

The dreamy tone of his voice made Alexandra wonder how much thought he had given to this particular curse. Then her mind gave her pretty vivid images of Sirius with an olive and macadamia nuts, and at the same time she thought it, Thomas de Courcy said, 'Just imagine biting them off…'

'I must say I find this train of thoughts rather disturbing,' said Snape. 'And no, it does nothing to Black's balls. Except that they might be sliced right off, if I hit him at an unlucky angle…'

'Can't be that much of a spell, then,' De Courcy said. 'What does it do?'

For a moment, there was an ominous silence. 'Let's just say, it might cause a bit of a mess if I am caught.'

'How big of a mess?'

It was quite disconcerting for Alexandra to have Thomas de Courcy – who was _really _a jerkass extraordinaire, he beat Sirius easily – voicing her thoughts all the time. She did not want to think the same way he did, what if she started harassing girls as well?

Her wangsting was interrupted by Snape. 'A possibly Ministry-involved mess. So I suggest you keep your mouth shut and just make sure Potter and the rest of his minions aren't around.'

'Merlin, Severus, you do realize you sound like someone from a very bad book? You must be the most clichéd Big Bad ever,' De Courcy remarked. 'I suggest you cut down on the melodrama. Other than that, I will do anything I can to help you in your evil scheme to annoy the seriously black sheep of the Black family. When were you planning on doing this again?'

'Tomorrow, there's a Gryffindor Quidditch practice, so at least Potter shouldn't be too difficult for you to distract.'

'Wow. You have thought this through, haven't you? What's Black done to deserve a cursing this elaborate?'

_Breaking my heart_, Alexandra thought, though she doubted Severus Snape would make such an effort just to avenge her. It was a nice idea that someone would bother; then again, her mother had offered to beat him up, and Alexandra had rejected it, saying it would not fix anything.

Except that it would have made her feel better.

However, she had the inkling she would not feel better if Snape got to carry out this plan of his. It was common knowledge that Snape and his friends were involved with magic that was darker than what was taught at Hogwarts; had she not seen him in the Forest, so many weeks ago?

_Alexandra Chilcott, you are not going to help Sirius Black. Whatever it is Snape has got in store for him, he has probably done something to deserve it_, she told herself.

Unfortunately for her, she did not listen to herself. She waited until she had heard Snape grab a couple of books and he and De Courcy had left the library, before she started packing her bag. Every rational part of her told her to just let Sirius have it, but there was this small part of her – much despised and mostly ignored – that still cared for him. That still leaped up when she saw him. That still cringed when she saw him snogging Marie Sullivan. And that now told her she could not just let him be the victim of Black Magic.

'Grow a spine,' she muttered, while swinging her bag over her shoulder. Her spine did not grow, however, and she found herself on her way to the Common Room. Once there, the first thing she noticed was that Sirius had his arm swung around a girl – to her amazement, it was not even Marie Sullivan, who he had only got off with two days ago, but a new girl already, some fourth year. He was whispering something in her ear and she looked simply ecstatic to be so close to him.

Actually, she reminded Alexandra a lot of herself, a couple of months ago.

_Poor girl_, she thought, averting her eyes and scanning the room for Remus instead. _She is going to have a tough couple of… weeks? No, probably days. Possibly hours._

She saw Remus sitting by the window, playing Wizard's Chess with Peter.

_You're not going to do this_, the rational part said. _Sirius cheated you like shite. Let him be treated likewise. _

_No. Show the other cheek, that kind of nonsense, _another part said. _Just because he is a childish, arrogant, unfeeling, mean, pathetic loser does not mean you have to be the same. Be the better man – or woman. Go and tell Remus._

_Fuck Remus!_

_Actually, now you say so…_

She blinked, surprised at the strange thought, and then moved towards the two Marauders. Peter noticed her first; he smiled uneasily at her. 'Hey Lex – Alexandra,' he said. 'How are you?'

'I'm fine,' she said. 'Actually, I'd like to speak to Remus for a sec, think you could miss him that long?'

'It's not a matter of missing, it's a matter of how much he'll be able to cheat in my absence,' said Remus, who sent her a rueful smile. 'But I'll just have to accept it, I suppose. Where do you want to talk?'

'The corridor?' she suggested. First, she had thought of doing it in the boys' dormitory, but she did not think seeing Sirius's bed would be a good thing right now. She might set it on fire – accidentally, of course.

'Fine. Don't change anything, they'll tell me,' he told Peter, as he indicated his chess pieces. He got up and followed Alexandra to the corridor; they got a few surprised looks, but neither of them was important enough to the social network at Hogwarts to cause much gossip.

In the hallway, Alexandra turned around swiftly to see Remus closing the Fat Lady's portrait. 'So, what do you want to talk about?' he said, putting his hands in his pockets. He looked a bit uncomfortable, as well he should; last time they had had a conversation, she had told him their friendship was no more than lies. That was bound to create some awkwardness.

She leaned against the wall, not looking at him. 'I overheard a conversation between Severus Snape and Thomas de Courcy, just now,' she said, deciding not to beat around the bush. 'Apparently, Snape is planning on using a pretty serious curse on Sirius tomorrow morning, during Quidditch practice, and De Courcy is… supposed to distract the other Marauders? Something like that. It sounded like a very bad plan, from some sort of American B-movie. I am telling you this because I want you to tell Sirius to look out tomorrow and, you know, maybe the next week.'

Seemingly unfazed, Remus absorbed this information. When she had finished, he said, quite simply, 'Oh.'

'I've no idea what curse Snape was going to use – apparently, he made it up himself, which sounds pretty ominous, if you ask me,' said Alexandra. 'And although Sirius deserves to be turned into a greasy-haired, fat, bald, ugly man, I think this curse might be a bit worse than just diminishing his chances of getting a new shag every night, if you know what I mean.'

'If Severus came up with it, I know very well what you mean,' he said. She looked up to see him run his hand through his hair, leaving it standing up in a strange tuft. 'I… Thank you for telling me this. I'll warn Sirius.'

'Good,' she said. 'Well, in that case, you can go back to your game, this was all I wanted to say. I think.' She turned to the Fat Lady, who had been watching their exchange with her usual fascination.

_That woman really needs something to distract her from the students' drama_, she thought, before giving her the password and entering the Common Room. As she walked up the stairs to her dormitory, she thought, _well, at least I've something to tell Charlie tonight._


	23. Chapter 21

'Apparently, they were having a fight when suddenly that Snape boy appeared and tried to curse him.'

'He tried to curse _Sirius_? Good luck to him, that boy is nearly impossible to hit.'

'He is, Snape hit Regulus instead. Apparently, it was very… very…' The sixth year girl shivered. 'A spell that… Emily described it as "it seemed to be like a sword that was hacking in on him". Can you imagine? Never heard of a spell like that.'

'Neither have I. What happened then?'

Alexandra knew eavesdropping was wrong, but really, these girls were just _waiting _for someone to hear how well informed they were, talking just a bit too loudly, glancing around just a tad too conspicuously, giving each other too many grave looks.

'Sirius freaked, of course.'

'Of course,' nodded the other girl. 'As he should. Is Regulus dead now?' she asked hopefully.

'No, they got him to the Hospital Wing, but I'm not there yet!'

'Sorry.' She sounded quite upset, though Alexandra was not sure whether that was because she had been told off or because no one had died yet.

'So, Sirius freaked, and drew his wand and started to duel Snape. I would've loved to see that, it has to be, like, the duel of the year, or something cool like that. Eventually… something happened? Not sure if it was Sirius disarming Snape or a teacher coming by, but they had to stop and someone brought Regulus to the Hospital Wing. Sirius and Snape had to go, too, but I'm not sure if they're still there. Regulus is, though. Rachel checked on him, apparently he looks like a body.'

'A body like illuminated watermelons on the mesa of the moon?' asked the other girl, which made both Alexandra and the first girl frown in confusion.

'What? No, there were no watermelons,' said the girl, shaking her head. 'There was a lot of blood, though. Let's go check on him again! Maybe Sirius is there, too. I wouldn't mind being a nurse to him…'

The other girl smacked her playfully on her arm. 'You naughty.'

'That's me. C'mon.'

The two girls got up and left, giggling. Alexandra was left to her lunch, which had lost all of its appeal. Her stomach was twisting and turning, while at the same time it felt like a rock, unmoveable and heavy. Snape had had his go at Sirius – even if he missed, he had still hit Sirius's brother. And then there had been a duel. Those girls might have thought it funny or romantic or whatever, thinking Sirius was some sort of knight that was now wounded, but to Alexandra, it was none of those things. A duel with Severus Snape? No, that was not something she wished upon Sirius.

_I should go and check on him_, she thought. _Maybe he needs me?_

_Don't be ridiculous. He never needed you – you should know that by now._

_I hate you, subconscious. Who needs enemies when you've voices like you?_

Alexandra stared at her food. The pasta that had looked so alluring only two minutes ago, now made her feel like she was about to vomit. Damn you, Sirius Black, for making me lose my appetite!

_I really should check on him. I'll just worry if I don't know how he's doing._

_No. You. Won't. You do not need him. Even _if _something serious has happened to him, he deserved it._

She pushed back her plate and got up as well. She did not know where she was going, but was not too surprised when she found her feet were leading her to the Hospital Wing. No such luck for the other part of her brain, though; in the middle of a hallway on the fourth floor, she stopped herself. Some passers-by gave her strange looks, but that was something she had got used to.

'You're not going to see him,' she said. 'You're not. And you're going to stop talking to yourself,' she added, when she realized people had actually stopped to stare at her. 'You're not a lunatic. Even though you do behave that way. Okay. I'll stop now.'

She turned on her heel and then forced herself to go to the Common Room. On her way there, she kept her eyes open to see if maybe Sirius was brought to her on a stretcher, to utter his undying love for her in his last breath, but strangely enough, no such thing happened. It was a bit of an anti-climax when she entered the Common Room and saw him sitting there among the rest of the Marauders, looking a bit peaky, but otherwise fine.

_You can just walk over and ask him how he's doing_, a reasonable, hopeful voice said.

_No. It would just be an excuse to talk to him. That is pathetic, you can do without him._

_No I can't!_

_Yes. You. Can. Go upstairs, it's time for Charlie._

She grudgingly listened to the other voice in her head and went upstairs, where she told Charlie the entire story she had heard. All the while, she was wondering what would happen now. Snape had said the spell might get him into Ministry-like trouble; would he be expelled? Would his punishment be worse? If he stayed, would he try and attack Sirius again?

She looked at Charlie, who simply gave her an enigmatic hamster smile. It seemed to say that all would be well.

She hoped it was right.

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><p>Four days later, when she was just about to go to the Library again, she felt a warm hand on her arm. Startled, she turned around; it had been a while since she had had actual human contact. When she saw who it was, however, she wished she had just kept on walking; she was not sure if a conversation with Sirius was something she was looking forward to.<p>

'Alex, hi,' he said, letting go of her arm. The place his hand had held her was still burning, but in a nice way. 'How are you?'

_I'm talking to Sirius_, she thought, too flabbergasted to be angry. She had been successful in avoiding him during the last days before the holidays, and afterwards he had stopped trying to contact her. Until now, apparently. _Oh Merlin_.

'Alex?' he asked. He gave her a concerned look.

_Shit. Talk. Now. _'Sorry. Yeah, I'm… Fine,' she said. _What does he want from me?_ 'Why?'

'Because I was wondering how you were doing,' he said, smiling. The smile disappeared after a couple of seconds of her sending him a confused stare, though. 'I was just… I talked to Remus just now, you know.'

'Good for you.'

_No. Lexi. Be nice to him. Maybe he'll take you back._

_I don't want him back!_

_STUPID VOICES CAN'T YOU SHUT UP?_

'Well, yes, it was, actually,' he said. 'Apparently, you had a little talk with him as well, a couple of days ago, concerning – er – recent events. And he told me that you told him that – whoa, I sound like some sort of gossipy old lady.' She did not crack a smile, and he continued, a little subdued, 'Er, he said you'd told him about Snape and his evil scheme for world domination.'

'Cursing you is not exactly world domination,' she said. 'But yes, I had told him.'

They were silent for a couple of seconds. Alexandra wondered if this indicated the end of their conversation; maybe she should just go now, and –

'I'd like to thank you for that,' said Sirius. He put his hand on her arm again and her eyes were pulled to his. Immediately, she felt her knees become weaker; why did he have to have such beautiful grey eyes? Why did he have to smell so nice? Why did she have to miss him so much?

She leaned into him, eager to hear everything he was about to say.

'I know I misbehaved – badly – and that I was an unsufferable arse, and that you have all right to hate me and practice voodoo on me, but…' He shrugged. 'But still you helped me, and really, if I hadn't known about it, things might've ended a bit differently. And I was just wondering if maybe…' He moved a bit closer; Alexandra's heart started beating so fast, she was sure he could hear it. 'I know you don't want me back, and you shouldn't, but could we still be friends? Please?'

He looked at her with pleading eyes. _Merlin_, he was handsome. And sweet. And funny. And really, he might have been a cheating boyfriend, but if they were friends, she could still be around him, talk to him, laugh with –

No.

This was not just one of the voices that were constantly arguing in her head whenever Sirius was mentioned. This was every bone in her body, telling her not to do this. After all, if they were going to be friends while Sirius was still snogging a thousand girls a day, that would break her heart every day. Even more so than it would now, because she would constantly be reminded of why she fell in love with him in the first place.

Much as she hated to admit it, she knew she would be stupid enough to get those feelings all over again. And that included the heartbreak. And she was not sure if she was willing to go through that again.

She shook her head. 'No. I'm sorry, Sirius, but that just won't work.'

His face fell ever so slightly. 'Why not?'

'Because I don't just want friendship,' she said. The words came out before she could stop them. 'I want so much more than that, and apparently, that's not something you can give me. I'd just end up hurt again and I've too much self-respect for that.'

_Do I?_ she thought in wonder. _Huh. I guess I do. Shit, is this me turning down Sirius Black because I think I'm too good for another relationship with him, be it friendly or romantic? My, I have changed._

Surprised, he ran his hand through his hair. 'Wow. I… Well, to be honest, I think you might be right,' he said. 'Shit, though. I've missed your jokes.'

'And I've missed yours. But luckily, you've the entire female population of Hogwarts at your feet – I'm sure some of them have to be funnier than me,' she said.

'I'm not. But if this is your final answer, than I respect that,' he said. He bit his lip. 'Could I have a last hug, though?'

That was hardly a question. For the last month, her body had been itching to hug him again. And as he enveloped her in his arms and she rested her head against his shoulder, taking in his delicious, familiar scent, she felt like something had come to a close. And when he let her go and walked away, she knew that this was truly the end of her relationship with Sirius Black.

* * *

><p><strong>An: Oh, how I missed writing about Sirius these last couple of chapters... But sometimes things just won't last, I suppose.  
><strong>


	24. Epilogue

**Sirius Black.**

He had never believed in karma or fate, but if it existed, he was sure it was laughing at him now. The only person he could go to – someone he had betrayed. The girls he had betrayed her for – their names forgotten, and even if he saw them, they would only scream, maybe beg for him to spare them. And the other people he had thought he could trust? Dead, betrayers, or under the impression that he, Sirius Black, was the reason everything had fallen apart.

He made his way through the empty street. It was dark, the few lamppost illuminating the deserted road, the clean pavement, the small but neat houses lining them.

He stopped in front of a house that had 'Ms. Alexandra Chilcott' written on the mailbox. Wagging his tail at this stroke of luck – if she had moved, he would not have known what he should have done – he ran up the short, stone path through her neatly kept garden. In fact, it was so tidy, he expected she used magic when her neighbours were not watching. He would never have the patience to tend flowers with that much precision.

The lights were on, but he could not see her through the window. Praying to a God he did not believe in, that she would be alone, he turned into his human form again, but not before checking – again – if the street was really empty.

Gripping his wand tightly, in case she had the logical reaction to seeing an alleged mass murderer, he pressed the doorbell. This standing still unnerved him, especially now he was recognizable; what if one of the neighbours decided to take out their garbage and saw him?

_I'll just Stun him_, he thought, but that did nothing to calm his nerves. It was not just the thought that he might be caught; the simply fact that he might have the first normal conversation in twelve years was nerve-racking enough.

_Please, God, let her listen to me_, he thought, when he saw the light in the little hall flash on. _Please, please, please_.

The door opened; he had to blind against the sudden light, but then he could make out Alexandra clearly. For a moment, he was quite taken aback. Time had done her good; the slender frame that had made her look awkward and childish during her Hogwarts time, now gave her a willowy like grace, and her face had acquired a certain mystique to replace the inconspicuous girl-look she had had seventeen years ago.

'Lexi, please listen to me,' he said, before she had time to react to the fact that the country's most sought-after wizard was on her doorstep. 'Please don't freak. I can explain everything, I'm not a murderer, please let me in.'

She looked absolutely flabbergasted, but stepped aside to let him in. When they were both standing in the small hall, she closed the door. Sirius let his eyes wander through the hall; he saw three doors, a small painting of a sea view, and a staircase.

'Can I take your coat?' she said, her voice sounding very strange, very high. Maybe she had had an illness? He thought, before realizing that it might just be nerves. He would be nervous, too.

'No, that's fine. Listen, Lexi - '

'Alex,' she said. 'Not Lexi.'

'Alex,' he repeated. 'I know this seems weird and I know you haven't seen me for almost twenty years and that you think I killed my best friends, but that's _not true_. I did not – I – it was -' He was trying to find words to describe everything that had happened to him over the past couple of years.

'Shall we… go to the living room?' she said. 'Sit down while you try and convince me I shouldn't hand you in?'

He nodded and followed her down the corridor, through the first door on the left. Instinctively, he looked around for others, ones that might not be too shocked to alert the Ministry. They were alone. At least, they seemed to be; but Sirius could see two plates on the table, with the rests of something that looked like lasagne on them, and there were two empty cups on the coffee table. 'Do you live here with someone?'

She closed the door behind them and gestured for him to take a seat. 'No, Charles doesn't live here, he just came over for dinner,' she said. 'He's just left, so don't worry, I don't think he'll come back before you've had your chance to explain everything. And I do mean _everything_ – up until why the hell you came _here_.'

For one moment, he just looked at her. Then, everything that had happened came crashing down on him. Coming to James and Lily's place, only to see it destroyed – seeing James's body – realizing what Peter had done – _not _being able to kill him – and then Azkaban.

She put an arm around him, and for the first time in thirteen years, Sirius Black cried.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: And that's the end of it! I hope you enjoyed it (: Do review! And in case you feel like you can't go without my stories, I've just started on a new one, OC/RL: _Say you don't want it._  
><strong>


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